1 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:12,568 It's a beautiful morning at Dunder Mifflin. 2 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:15,481 Or as I like to call it, Great Bratton. 3 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,149 Keep it running. 4 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,381 Do I love being manager? 5 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,589 I love my kids. I love real estate. 6 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,125 I love ceramics. I love my job. 7 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,354 I love wrestling. 8 00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:29,456 Find out what language this is. 9 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,699 Okay, team building. 10 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:44,109 On this side of the room, Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, Ted, Elroy. 11 00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:48,046 And on this side of the room, Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, Creed... 12 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,344 He never called a meeting. 13 00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:53,479 Boboddy. Boboddy. 14 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,149 What does the first "B" stand for? 15 00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:57,813 What are we doing? 16 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,692 We're making acronyms. Okay! What does the first "B" stand for? 17 00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,490 Um, business! 18 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:04,890 I like it! 19 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,893 Business. Good, Kevin! 20 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,698 All right, the "O." 21 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,168 We need a new manager. 22 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,144 So, after the Navy, I thought, 23 00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:58,708 "Cool, me and America are square. I've done my bit for the flag, 24 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,879 "and time for me to look out for myself." 25 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,423 I had a buddy in the paper biz so I just dove right in. 26 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,083 How was your experience in the Navy? 27 00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:06,592 It was nuts. Yeah. 28 00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:08,521 I was in Hong Kong three times. 29 00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:10,587 Still have pretty crazy flashbacks from that. 30 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,792 Really? What kind of thing did you do? 31 00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,061 Meteorologist. 32 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,762 What do you mean, like weather surveillance, or... 33 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,704 Predictor. Constantly had to predict the weather, 34 00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,537 which is... I'm not a god. I'm just a guy in a shack 35 00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:22,906 with a pair of binoculars. 36 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,569 What do you think about this weather we're having now? 37 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,341 Don't even talk to me about the weather, man. 38 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,382 It just all comes back to me, you know? 39 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,384 There was this one night I predicted it was gonna be warm. 40 00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:34,411 I sent 200 men out without their jackets. 41 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,988 It was 60 degrees that night, 42 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,350 52, with windchill. 43 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,098 You can't imagine their faces shivering through that Carrie Underwood concert. 44 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,563 Your paper experience is very interesting. 45 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:51,537 And although it's mostly manufacturing, 46 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,632 do you think you could use that experience to inform decisions here? 47 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,643 Absolutely, yes. 48 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,445 In fact, I actually have a three-step plan 49 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,948 that I believe could effectively double your profits. 50 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,313 Really? Yeah. 51 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:06,075 What is it? 52 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,782 Nice try. 53 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:15,493 I'm sorry. What is your three-step plan? 54 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,631 Well, I mean, I can't just hand you my plan. 55 00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,697 I mean, if you guys give me the job, then you'll get the plan. 56 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,901 Well, it's an interview, and we don't know that you really have the plan. 57 00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:26,963 I'm not gonna just make up that I have a plan. 58 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,101 I got a plan. Believe me, you guys want it. You're in paper, right? 59 00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:31,702 How do we know that if you don't... 60 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,269 You could just be saying it to get the job. 61 00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:35,315 I guess I could be if I was... 62 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,783 Who would do that? How about this, 63 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:40,116 why don't you give us a part of the plan, 64 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:41,655 and that way we know you have it. 65 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,556 Tell you what? I'll give you part three of part two. 66 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,489 Not gonna give you a whole part. 67 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,550 Okay. 68 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:51,398 Color-code said documents. T.M. 69 00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:55,265 Did you just trademark that? What? 70 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,303 That's a verbal trademark. That's an agreement. 71 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:01,697 We are the search committee, hand-picked by our CEO 72 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,108 and tasked to find this branch's new manager. 73 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,372 Not everyone we meet will be good, 74 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,875 but someone's bound to be, right? 75 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,143 And to be honest, 76 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,049 I think a lot of the decent candidates are right here in house. 77 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,654 So, I'm not too worried. 78 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,956 But I'm really excited to spend a lot of time with Toby and Gabe. 79 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,788 Did you know that Gabe's last name was Lewis? 80 00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:22,757 I had no idea. 81 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,454 Good morning. 82 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:25,897 Morning. Good morning. 83 00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:27,562 Good morning. 84 00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,227 Did you have a nice drive in? 85 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:31,565 I did. 86 00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:35,736 I have a solid relationship with Jo, the company's owner. 87 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,535 I have management experience. 88 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,739 I have a good friendship with Jim, 89 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,372 the head of the search committee. 90 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,984 And it doesn't hurt that I'm 91 00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:48,381 black! 92 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,020 We all know this is a popularity contest. 93 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,357 And Darryl's the coolest kid in school. 94 00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:58,330 Used to be Jim. Hasn't been Jim in a long time. 95 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:02,725 It's good. 96 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,662 It's just words, which will surprise people. 97 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:09,176 Yeah. It's based on a really successful cigarette ad campaign from a while back. 98 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,403 Those were good ads. Yeah. 99 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,945 They got me smoking when I was eight. 100 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:15,540 I couldn't quit smoking until the government put out better ads about not smoking. 101 00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:18,181 I love smoking. 102 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,081 I really hope you get it. 103 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,452 The manager job? No, I'm barely interested. 104 00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:25,285 I just can't not go for it, you know. It's not the Bernard way. 105 00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:27,088 We give it the old college try, 106 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,822 and then in defeat, we show grace. 107 00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:33,461 Still, I'd really like to see this office with you in the boss's chair. 108 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,695 Don't even... 109 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,635 You in the boss's chair! No. 110 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,900 In my family, you don't really go out and get things. 111 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,466 If you want something, you write it on a list 112 00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:44,204 and then the housekeeper goes out and gets it 113 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,178 on Wednesdays and Fridays. 114 00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:50,674 So, I don't know. I guess you could say this job is on my list 115 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:52,980 and we'll see what Rosa comes back with. 116 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,458 Did you hear anything? 117 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,886 Oh, I'm sure they'll let us know when they get the results. 118 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:08,059 It turns out that Erin was born in the basic time and region 119 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,864 that I gave away a child. 120 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,231 So Phyllis might be my mom. 121 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,640 I mean, the chances are tiny, but... 122 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,110 Yeah, probably not. 123 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:20,113 I mean, it was a big year for babies. 124 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:21,876 Porky's had come out. Yeah. 125 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:24,346 I'm sure I was just another Porky's baby. 126 00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,283 But why not find out? Yeah. 127 00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,551 Should you really be so blatant about that? 128 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,359 They won't make me manager, and I won't settle for anything less. 129 00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,991 I've gone about as far as I can here. That's obvious. 130 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,064 I'm going to take my talents elsewhere. 131 00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:46,267 Are you really gonna apply for work at Scranton Bread Works? 132 00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:50,573 Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it. 133 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,009 Can you do any better on salary? 134 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,878 Unfortunately, that range is set at corporate. 135 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,808 What about mileage when I use my car? 136 00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,750 I mean, gas ain't cheap, you know. 137 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,081 We think that 25 cents a mile is pretty generous. 138 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,522 How about 27 and... 139 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,257 When I make long-distance calls, 140 00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,557 will they be monitored, or is it on the honor system? 141 00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:11,220 Okay. 142 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,633 How odd! 143 00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:21,641 A very unusual phone call from the Senator's office. 144 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:25,805 The Senator wants me to have lunch with him at the Botanical Gardens. 145 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,438 The Botanical Gardens, 146 00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:29,881 Scranton's hidden gem. 147 00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:33,743 Don't eat any berries you don't recognize. 148 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:38,150 How will your experience selling refinery equipment 149 00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:40,318 translate to our smaller scale here? 150 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,725 You don't work in sales, do you? 151 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:43,923 Human resources. 152 00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,857 You see, I sit across from a man, 153 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:50,802 I see his face, I see his eyes. 154 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:56,004 Now, does it matter if he wants $100 of paper 155 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:59,374 or $100 million of deep-sea drilling equipment? 156 00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:00,778 Don't be a fool. 157 00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:03,476 He wants respect. He wants love. 158 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,652 He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive. 159 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:11,717 There is no such thing as a product. 160 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,358 Don't ever think there is. 161 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,563 There is only sex. 162 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,095 Everything is sex. 163 00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:26,763 You understand that what I'm telling you is a universal truth, Toby? 164 00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:27,997 Yes. 165 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,974 Okay, I am... I'm almost a little concerned that 166 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,742 you might be overqualified for the position. 167 00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:37,215 Do you, um... Do you think that you are? 168 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,784 Do I look like someone who would waste my own time? 169 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,145 No. 170 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,353 Can you... 171 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:50,727 You are a man of great confidence. 172 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,189 Could you speak a little more to that 173 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:56,100 and what the role of confidence 174 00:08:57,070 --> 00:09:00,336 would be in a dialog with a subordinate? 175 00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,135 Will you be heard? 176 00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,209 Will you have a voice? 177 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,870 Will I steamroll over you? 178 00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:10,507 Do you feel heard right now, Jim? 179 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,087 Do you have a voice right now? 180 00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:17,519 You can answer me. Yes. 181 00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,554 That was your choice, not mine. 182 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:23,688 The fallacy is that it is up to the steamroller. 183 00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,762 It is up to the object 184 00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:28,498 whether it will be flattened or not. 185 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:31,634 And I can tell just from the small interaction we've had already, 186 00:09:31,704 --> 00:09:33,400 you won't be flattened by anybody. 187 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:36,038 Do you agree with me, Jim? Yes. 188 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:37,839 Yes, you do. 189 00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,597 He creeps me out. 190 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,735 But I think he might be a genius. 191 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,602 Dwight, there's a call for you on line 2. 192 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,372 No, thanks. 193 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,715 He's in the shower. 194 00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:32,962 Good luck, Darryl. 195 00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,360 Thank you. 196 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,532 Is that the kind of boss he would be? 197 00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:41,734 Completely insensitive to the insecurities of other people in this office 198 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,868 who might also be interviewing for the manager position 199 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:46,242 and might also want to be wished a little bit of luck 200 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,679 'cause they're kind of spinning out a little bit? 201 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:52,645 I don't want that kind of boss. No, thank you. Not good. 202 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,512 Good man, though. Nice guy. My best friend. 203 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,479 Think about it. 204 00:10:57,557 --> 00:11:01,722 What other mammal, besides humans, drinks the milk of another mammal? 205 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,455 I mean, you don't see a bear drinking raccoon milk. 206 00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,165 How long have you been off dairy? 207 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:09,061 As soon as I can say no to those two pushers, Ben & Jerry. 208 00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,832 So this is cool. I think we make a good fit. 209 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,641 Oh, we haven't started the interview yet. 210 00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:18,843 Were you joking? 211 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:24,207 Uh, yes. I was. 212 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,985 A little joke. 213 00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:29,448 So how would you go about settling 214 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,753 interpersonal conflicts within the office? 215 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:33,959 I thought that was your job. 216 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,192 Well, it's one of my strengths, but it's the manager's job. 217 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,362 Well, for instance, how did you deal with it 218 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,426 when two warehouse guys got into a fight? 219 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:47,668 I'll answer that, Jim. I would use it as an opportunity to teach 220 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:53,042 about actions and consequences of actions. 221 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:02,947 Who's that? 222 00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:06,885 So I think all we need is a resume and we'll be good, right? 223 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,996 I just thought you knew me. Yeah, it's no big deal. 224 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,965 Just something that looks like that. 225 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,428 Cool? 226 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,524 Let me... 227 00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:17,292 Oh. 228 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,369 Cool. 229 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,448 Did you just interview? 230 00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:31,245 Oh, unfortunately, yes. 231 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:36,311 What do you mean? 232 00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:38,517 That business can't attract anyone. 233 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,723 It's awful up there. 234 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:45,387 Those people seem like they're in prison waiting out life sentences 235 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,900 in a dying industry. 236 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:49,597 Place must be horrible. 237 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,038 I don't know if I want this job. 238 00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:59,338 Well, if I get this job offer, then I know that I'm gonna take it. 239 00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:02,280 And if I take it, I know that I'm never gonna quit. 240 00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:05,546 And then 25 years are gonna go by, 241 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,489 and I'm gonna die here. 242 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:13,690 What makes you feel qualified to judge a place after a mere interview? 243 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:23,301 What are you doing? 244 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,375 Stop trying to figure me out. 245 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:30,910 I just did. You can't. 246 00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:32,840 It's done. No, it's not. 247 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,278 I know you now, your nature. 248 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,713 You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. 249 00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:36,909 I'm done. Get out of my head. 250 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,975 Not worth continuing. Stop trying to figure me out. 251 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,021 Do you even know anything about paper? 252 00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,390 How it's made? 253 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:51,022 I saw an episode on how they make paper on Sesame Street. 254 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,423 Get out. 255 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,436 I'm gonna prevent inferior men from sullying my place of work 256 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,995 with their weak, passionless leadership. 257 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:05,036 Do you see my hat? No? That's because I just threw it in the ring. 258 00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:08,345 You guys pay for relocation, though, right? 259 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:11,475 Well, why would you need relocation if you already live in Scranton? 260 00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,244 Well, I'd wanna move further away, you know? 261 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,118 Just don't want any chance of running 262 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,851 into my coworkers outside the office. 263 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,494 Can I ask why you're leaving your current job? 264 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:29,660 I'm leaving my other job because they were all jerks. 265 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,705 Really. You know, all of them. 266 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:34,331 You had your jerk-wads and your jerk-offs, so... 267 00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:38,135 Just between the wads and the offs, I just thought, "I gotta get out of here." 268 00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:40,143 Is this a bad time to be doing this? 269 00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:43,248 I know I'm having a bad time. 270 00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:46,909 I'm sorry. If we did something to upset you, 271 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:48,750 I'm sure it was inadvertent. 272 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,385 Wait. 273 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:59,428 Oh, why did I believe that weirdo in the lobby? 274 00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,961 These are the nicest people I ever met. 275 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,497 Thank you. 276 00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,165 I'm engaged. 277 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,208 Damn, girl. 278 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,015 It's gorgeous, Angela. 279 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,151 Yeah, I actually know about nice rings, and it is gorgeous. 280 00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:20,242 Wow. 281 00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:23,517 It's a little flashy. I mean, what am I, Naomi Judd? 282 00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:25,390 Tell us the freaking story! 283 00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,993 Yeah, tell us a story. 284 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:30,894 Okay. He took me to the replica of Monet's Japanese Bridge. 285 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,299 And then he put this flower behind my ear, which normally I would hate, 286 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,892 'cause it's so civil rights-y. 287 00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,301 Then he got down on one knee and he said, 288 00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,472 "Will you be a senator's wife?" 289 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,804 He talked about himself in the third person? 290 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:48,644 Yes, Pam. Not everyone is as informal as you and Jim. 291 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,684 "Hey, Pam, dude, whatever. Wanna marry me?" 292 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:54,585 That's not accurate. 293 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,419 Then I saw flashes. So, reporters were there. 294 00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,949 They always find us. And everyone was crying. 295 00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:02,325 Even his aide. 296 00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,421 Angela's engaged to a gay man. 297 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:07,758 As a gay man, I'm horrified. 298 00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:10,427 As a friend of Angela's, horrified. 299 00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:14,434 As a lover of elegant weddings, I'm a little excited. 300 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,409 But overall, horrified. 301 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,346 Andy? You all set? 302 00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:23,873 Okay, guys. It's time. 303 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,282 It's pep talk time. Tell me what I need to hear. 304 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,089 Hmm, are you sure this is a good idea? I... 305 00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,151 I hate to see you disappointed. 306 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,559 That's not what I was hoping for. 307 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:37,028 Okay, I just want someone to tell me, "You're gonna do great." 308 00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,291 You'll do great. Come on. 309 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,270 You guys are my best friends. 310 00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:53,472 I'd be happy if Andy were boss. He listens to my stories. 311 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:56,038 And they're not all A-plus stories, let's be honest. 312 00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:58,983 But you know what? He always listens like they're A-plus. 313 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,352 Well, some are A-plus. 314 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,448 I think Andy should be the boss. 315 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,290 He's just so great. 316 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:11,556 If I'm being objective, then Darryl, of course. 317 00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,527 So, Andy, what improvements would you make as office manager? 318 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,468 For starters, I really think we can streamline communication around here. 319 00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:20,840 Whoa. That's a very heavy accusation to level against Toby. 320 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,135 I wasn't accusing... 321 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,677 Well, Toby's in charge of human resources. 322 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,269 That would include communication. 323 00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:28,877 I think that Toby's done a fine job. 324 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:32,514 Right. I really wasn't trying to insult anyone. 325 00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,745 I didn't think you were. 326 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,550 I have two relationships with Andy. 327 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,382 I have a personal relationship, 328 00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,016 and I have a professional relationship. 329 00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:42,285 Personally, yeah, I think he's a rat 330 00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,057 and I think he's responsible for the demise 331 00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,564 of my relationship with Erin. 332 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,693 Professionally... 333 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,536 He broke up the happiest couple in this office. 334 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,231 How many windows are there in New York City? 335 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,435 What? Critical thinking. 336 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,703 Common on-the-spot question asked in an interview. 337 00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:59,768 Okay. Uh, let me think. Are you counting car windows? 338 00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,814 No. How far away is the sun? 339 00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,043 Ninety-three million miles. 340 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,645 Is it? Yeah. 341 00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:09,816 And the diameter of the sun is 870,000 miles, 342 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,949 which makes it 109 times wider than the Earth 343 00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:14,855 and 333,000 times heavier than the Earth. 344 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,327 Shut up about the sun. 345 00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:18,830 Shut up about the sun! 346 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:23,931 Okay, I'm not a doctor, 347 00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,598 but I think the medical term for that was a spaz out. 348 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,073 Gabe just lost it. 349 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,936 That's the best part about convening a tribunal. 350 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:37,172 One bunal can go down, and you still have two bunals left. 351 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:38,842 Right? 352 00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:41,751 Andy, how'd it go? 353 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,685 I don't want to brag, but... 354 00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,657 I did my best. 355 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:48,989 Hello! 356 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,529 I forgot something in my car. 357 00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:56,025 You guys are so cute. When are you gonna get back together? 358 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,730 Never. We're just friends. 359 00:18:58,804 --> 00:18:59,794 Oh! 360 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,168 Okay, my mistake. 361 00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:05,734 You know, you could have any man in this whole office with your legs. 362 00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:08,413 I say go for it, if you're interested. 363 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:12,915 But you're not, so never mind. 364 00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:24,963 I am unhappy with the confusing 365 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:28,331 and, at times, confrontational nature of that meeting. 366 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,233 I wanted it to go better. 367 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,969 I wanted it to go better! 368 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,443 Yes, there used to be a paper clip that would pop up and say, 369 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,639 "Looks like you are writing a letter or resume. Would you like help?" 370 00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,774 I believe his name was Clippy. 371 00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:47,377 First of all, I wanna thank you 372 00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:49,581 for your years of patronizing our company. 373 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:53,757 I've got some bad news. We're going out of business. 374 00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:55,250 Saving face. 375 00:19:57,229 --> 00:19:58,822 Yep, yep. I understand that. 376 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,466 Basically everything's falling apart here. 377 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,298 How is this on me? 378 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,193 Hang up. 379 00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:08,641 Corporate needs you to find the differences 380 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,542 between this picture and this picture. 381 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:14,471 Intel has told us there were at least seven. 382 00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:16,845 Okay. I already see one. Give me. 383 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:18,041 Okay. 384 00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:20,619 They're the same picture. 385 00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:25,924 Well, I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now. 386 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:29,257 And, God, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way. 387 00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:31,491 Your department's just you, right? 388 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,795 Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage. 389 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:36,298 Great. Um, can we just... 390 00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,159 What was that? 391 00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:42,698 We just have a lot of serious candidates to get through today, so... 392 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,973 Am I not a serious candidate? 393 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:47,874 What do you want me to say? 394 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,007 I mean, there's a line of qualified people out there. 395 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,017 We have a video CV from England. 396 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,848 Are we all just gonna pretend to... 397 00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:55,953 Okay. Um... 398 00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:58,156 What are your weaknesses? 399 00:20:58,224 --> 00:20:59,988 I don't have any, 400 00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:08,165 Erin, I believe you have my resume on file. 401 00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:12,501 Please print out four copies on 32-pound cotton stock, bright white. 402 00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:13,561 No... 403 00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:16,275 Ivory. Yes, sir. 404 00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:17,810 Who's in there now? Kelly. 405 00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:19,903 For God's sake. 406 00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,574 So, Kelly, what do you think the future holds for the paper business? 407 00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:24,116 Me peeing on Gabe's corpse. 408 00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:29,178 I want an interview. 409 00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:32,315 How's the family? Good. 410 00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:34,257 Good? Are they good? Yeah. 411 00:21:35,327 --> 00:21:37,558 What's your daughter's name again? Pee Pee? 412 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:38,689 Peepa. 413 00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:39,959 Peepa. How is she? 414 00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:41,193 Great. Great! 415 00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:43,058 Oh, that's great. 416 00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:46,539 We never were very good at small talk, were we, Jim? 417 00:21:46,605 --> 00:21:47,595 No. Now, listen... 418 00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:49,403 You're not getting an interview, Dwight. 419 00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,910 The whole point of this search committee process 420 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,775 is to prevent hiring someone like you ever again. 421 00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:55,178 Okay. I know why you're saying that, Jim. 422 00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:56,840 I really do. But think of it this way. 423 00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,952 The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat 424 00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,215 is the strong hand you want on the wheel. 425 00:22:03,289 --> 00:22:04,689 Okay. That's vivid. 426 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,555 Now, I'm gonna make you an offer, okay? 427 00:22:06,625 --> 00:22:09,686 You even do so little as grant me an interview, 428 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:13,096 I will guarantee you your dream work life, okay? 429 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,157 You roll in at 10:00 a.m. 430 00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:17,328 to your own private reserved parking spot, 431 00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:20,703 pick up your daily free coffee from Dwight's Caffeine Corner, 432 00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:22,969 unlimited sex breaks for you and Pam. 433 00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:25,671 Yikes. Erin will eat garbage for your entertainment. 434 00:22:25,744 --> 00:22:29,078 Wow. You know how I like taking bribes. 435 00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:31,447 But unfortunately, Jo also took the job away from you 436 00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:33,110 because she doesn't trust your judgment. 437 00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:36,050 So how would that look for me if I recommended you? 438 00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:39,387 Fine, I'll do it without you. 439 00:22:39,825 --> 00:22:42,317 You'll regret this. Okay. 440 00:22:43,395 --> 00:22:44,920 Let me get that for you. 441 00:22:45,631 --> 00:22:46,792 Thank you. Okay. 442 00:22:49,668 --> 00:22:51,569 As long as you keep it moist, it's easier to work with. 443 00:22:51,637 --> 00:22:53,697 And I can't just use a tube of crescent rolls? 444 00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:57,677 You know what, go to McDonald's for dinner. Why cook? 445 00:22:58,978 --> 00:23:00,037 Okay. 446 00:23:02,648 --> 00:23:04,116 Pam, 447 00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:06,384 I think Robert is gay. 448 00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:08,017 The Senator? 449 00:23:09,088 --> 00:23:11,319 He was married before, and he has a kid. 450 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:12,688 So... And don't say that thing 451 00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:14,818 about how lots of gay guys have kids. 452 00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:18,494 I have a very strong suspicion. 453 00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:20,722 Did you? 454 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,669 Oh! No. 455 00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:25,760 No. 456 00:23:25,871 --> 00:23:27,203 Did you see him at a bathhouse? 457 00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:28,901 What bathhouse? 458 00:23:28,974 --> 00:23:31,068 The windowless building by the Baskin Robbins. 459 00:23:32,011 --> 00:23:33,001 What? 460 00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:35,307 Forget it. I'm never gonna know what goes on there. 461 00:23:35,681 --> 00:23:38,480 Name: David Brent. Occupation: Inspirer. 462 00:23:38,617 --> 00:23:40,609 Status: None of your business. 463 00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:42,946 Young, free and single, though. Thanks for asking. 464 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,284 Hear you're looking for a new boss, yeah? 465 00:23:46,025 --> 00:23:48,790 Someone to tell a bunch of discontented, under-encouraged drones 466 00:23:48,861 --> 00:23:49,954 what to do every day. 467 00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:52,794 Is that it? Our out-of-touch powers that be. 468 00:23:52,865 --> 00:23:55,357 Want me to fire them? They don't see things your way? 469 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:58,029 Then I ain't that dude. Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye. 470 00:23:58,103 --> 00:23:59,765 Get some other corporate suit to lay down the law. 471 00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:01,431 What? You've changed your mind? 472 00:24:01,507 --> 00:24:03,339 You're now looking for a leader of men? 473 00:24:03,842 --> 00:24:05,970 Ipso facto. Women too. 474 00:24:06,245 --> 00:24:07,713 When do I start? 475 00:24:07,813 --> 00:24:08,803 Eh? 476 00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:13,575 Hey. Hi. Hey. 477 00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:17,145 I realized I never paid you back for that lunch you paid for, like, a month ago. 478 00:24:17,523 --> 00:24:18,650 Yeah, don't worry about it. 479 00:24:18,724 --> 00:24:20,522 Well, it's money. 480 00:24:20,592 --> 00:24:24,154 I was thinking I could make dinner for you tonight, like a Middle Eastern feast. 481 00:24:24,797 --> 00:24:27,392 Chicken shawarmas, shish kebabs, pita with hummus. 482 00:24:28,267 --> 00:24:31,760 Well, I think I only lent you like $3. That would be so much more trouble. 483 00:24:32,338 --> 00:24:34,273 Just bring the money tomorrow. No big deal. 484 00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:37,071 Or else I'll break your legs. 485 00:24:37,743 --> 00:24:39,837 Not if I can help it. 486 00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:47,544 My friend at the Scranton Blade 487 00:24:47,619 --> 00:24:49,315 is totally plugged into these matters. 488 00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:51,246 You're in the gay mafia. 489 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:53,918 You're thinking of another group, much wealthier, much older. 490 00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:55,188 You sound ignorant. 491 00:24:56,562 --> 00:24:58,724 You guys, um, talking senator? 492 00:24:59,798 --> 00:25:00,788 No. No. 493 00:25:00,866 --> 00:25:02,664 Why would we be talking about the Senator? 494 00:25:03,068 --> 00:25:04,764 'Cause he's totally gay. 495 00:25:05,571 --> 00:25:07,301 How do I know that Robert is gay? 496 00:25:07,706 --> 00:25:11,734 He "liked" my Facebook photos at 3:00 in the morning. 497 00:25:14,279 --> 00:25:15,338 It was a really good photo, though. 498 00:25:16,215 --> 00:25:18,912 Do you know what it took to get Bob to notice me? 499 00:25:19,284 --> 00:25:21,480 I waited in his office every morning 500 00:25:21,553 --> 00:25:23,044 wearing nothing but kitty cat ears. 501 00:25:23,122 --> 00:25:25,114 I did that every day for two weeks. 502 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,522 And on the tenth day, he walked in, 503 00:25:26,592 --> 00:25:28,720 he was naked too, except a dog nose. 504 00:25:29,495 --> 00:25:30,758 Guess what we did then? Bestiality. 505 00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:31,990 I don't think I can do that... 506 00:25:32,564 --> 00:25:33,554 Yeah. 507 00:25:33,632 --> 00:25:34,964 That's not my personality. 508 00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:37,196 If my daughter were asking me... 509 00:25:38,437 --> 00:25:40,497 Yes? 510 00:25:40,572 --> 00:25:45,203 I would say if you want someone, if you really want them, 511 00:25:45,677 --> 00:25:47,043 go get them. 512 00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:50,546 I do really want him. 513 00:25:51,984 --> 00:25:53,976 So, uh, here you go. 514 00:25:54,086 --> 00:25:56,317 Great. Hope it's all right. 515 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:57,378 I'm sure it's fine. 516 00:25:58,323 --> 00:26:00,849 The guy who was in here earlier, interviewed after me, 517 00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:02,188 how'd he do? 518 00:26:02,261 --> 00:26:03,695 Howard Klein? No, no, no, no. 519 00:26:03,762 --> 00:26:05,025 That's not who I'm talking about. 520 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,556 Oh. Deshawn Williams. 521 00:26:07,633 --> 00:26:09,192 Yes. How did he do? 522 00:26:09,268 --> 00:26:11,737 He's an amazing man. He's a Rhodes Scholar. 523 00:26:11,804 --> 00:26:15,673 He invented an app that invents apps. Fantastic kisser. 524 00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:18,142 Come on, man. I'm being serious. Don't joke. 525 00:26:18,310 --> 00:26:19,471 Darryl, we all know you. 526 00:26:19,545 --> 00:26:22,014 Your interview is not nearly as important as the other guy's. 527 00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:27,647 First I'll take down the cubicle walls. 528 00:26:27,719 --> 00:26:30,018 But there aren't... Symbol of transparency. 529 00:26:30,155 --> 00:26:31,714 There'd be no titles. 530 00:26:32,658 --> 00:26:34,092 Everyone has the same job. 531 00:26:34,626 --> 00:26:35,992 Same goes for me. 532 00:26:36,395 --> 00:26:39,832 I'll take your job, but I'd reject the title. 533 00:26:39,898 --> 00:26:40,957 A little unspecific. 534 00:26:41,033 --> 00:26:44,435 Everyone would be known for their accomplishments. 535 00:26:45,037 --> 00:26:47,233 That's very interesting. Um... 536 00:26:47,306 --> 00:26:49,298 I feel like there might be a conflict there, 537 00:26:49,408 --> 00:26:52,207 and if a conflict did arise, how would that be dealt with? 538 00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:54,075 Oh. Yeah. 539 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:56,304 Hmm. 540 00:26:56,381 --> 00:26:58,475 Scratch everything from before. I'll tell you what I'd do. 541 00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:00,048 Go the other way. 542 00:27:00,586 --> 00:27:02,020 More cubicles. 543 00:27:02,421 --> 00:27:03,548 More division. 544 00:27:04,256 --> 00:27:07,454 Everyone is somebody's boss, 545 00:27:07,593 --> 00:27:11,052 and that person can fire the person below them. 546 00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:15,761 And once a month, the lowest-performing person... 547 00:27:17,536 --> 00:27:18,560 Bye-bye. 548 00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:21,937 How would you compare like an accountant and HR? 549 00:27:22,007 --> 00:27:23,999 Well, I'll tell you how, shall I? 550 00:27:24,076 --> 00:27:25,704 I'll tell you how. Okay. 551 00:27:25,878 --> 00:27:28,006 By splitting the difference. 552 00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:30,906 Just somewhere in the middle. 553 00:27:31,049 --> 00:27:33,177 I think that's probably all we need to hear from... 554 00:27:33,252 --> 00:27:34,276 Zen office. 555 00:27:34,820 --> 00:27:35,810 Hmm? 556 00:27:36,221 --> 00:27:38,349 Thought of that? That's what I'd do. 557 00:27:38,857 --> 00:27:41,793 Everyone takes their shoes off before they come in. 558 00:27:42,227 --> 00:27:45,322 Okay? There'd be no desks. You just sit on the floor. 559 00:27:46,031 --> 00:27:47,329 That's very... 560 00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:49,391 You've got a Thai woman out in the back... 561 00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:50,795 Saki. 562 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:52,661 Okay. Saki. 563 00:27:52,738 --> 00:27:53,967 That's not... 564 00:27:54,039 --> 00:27:55,735 Saki is her name, okay? 565 00:27:55,807 --> 00:27:58,936 She's administering massage, all right, if you need it. 566 00:27:59,011 --> 00:28:01,776 If you don't, whatever. Just talk to her. She's a person. 567 00:28:02,447 --> 00:28:05,007 Either way, 15 minutes of that, and you... 568 00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:08,180 You are cracking to go. 569 00:28:10,088 --> 00:28:11,750 Office of the future. 570 00:28:13,125 --> 00:28:15,219 Like the inside of a Virgin airplane. 571 00:28:15,561 --> 00:28:18,224 Telecommuting, all right? Everyone's at home. 572 00:28:18,297 --> 00:28:21,790 The office is just a big empty space. It's just full of screens. 573 00:28:22,801 --> 00:28:26,602 Sony. Sony. Everything's just Sony, made of Sony. 574 00:28:26,672 --> 00:28:27,696 From Sony. 575 00:28:27,773 --> 00:28:29,264 I don't think that's how telecommuting works. 576 00:28:29,341 --> 00:28:35,645 And then we sell tickets to tourists for them to see the office of the future. 577 00:28:36,081 --> 00:28:37,845 Okay. Wow. Cutting edge. 578 00:28:37,916 --> 00:28:41,182 You have to hire me. 579 00:28:41,253 --> 00:28:42,915 There's no ideas left. 580 00:28:43,655 --> 00:28:46,215 That's all the ideas there is. 581 00:28:46,491 --> 00:28:49,757 There's a lot more where they came from. 582 00:28:56,468 --> 00:28:59,097 Jim, what can you tell us? Is there a frontrunner? 583 00:28:59,171 --> 00:29:01,731 You know what? They all just sort of blend together after a while. 584 00:29:02,541 --> 00:29:04,134 Well, there must be someone who stands out. 585 00:29:04,209 --> 00:29:07,179 No, not at all. In fact, I'm not even taking it seriously. 586 00:29:07,246 --> 00:29:09,681 I think at the end of the day, I'm just gonna pick a name out of the hat. 587 00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:10,738 Well... 588 00:29:10,816 --> 00:29:12,512 The hell you will! 589 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:15,019 I worked for the last boss for 15 years. 590 00:29:15,087 --> 00:29:17,784 According to my doctor, I don't have another 15 years 591 00:29:17,856 --> 00:29:21,054 if I wanna keep up the same dietary and sexual lifestyle, 592 00:29:21,126 --> 00:29:22,219 which I intend to. 593 00:29:22,294 --> 00:29:24,661 Oh, no, Stanley. You'll live forever. 594 00:29:24,730 --> 00:29:28,326 My next boss will be my last boss. He'll be at my funeral. 595 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,837 So I would appreciate it if you would take this seriously. 596 00:29:34,039 --> 00:29:37,066 You pick a crappy boss, you're responsible for my crappy life. 597 00:29:37,142 --> 00:29:39,008 Okay, everybody. I was just making a joke. 598 00:29:39,077 --> 00:29:40,807 I am taking it seriously. I promise. 599 00:29:40,879 --> 00:29:42,370 Are you? 600 00:29:43,882 --> 00:29:47,614 Little advice? Take a day off from the whole Jim shtick. 601 00:29:47,853 --> 00:29:49,549 Try caring about something. 602 00:29:49,855 --> 00:29:52,882 You might like how it feels, James. 603 00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,622 Gabe, honey! 604 00:30:02,067 --> 00:30:04,195 Oh, lord. Take all this. 605 00:30:04,269 --> 00:30:05,293 All right. 606 00:30:05,370 --> 00:30:06,360 Here. 607 00:30:16,915 --> 00:30:17,905 Jim. 608 00:30:18,083 --> 00:30:19,346 Did you hear Stern this morning? 609 00:30:19,418 --> 00:30:21,512 No. Was he good? Uh, Robin was good. 610 00:30:21,586 --> 00:30:23,612 She's always good. Keeps him on his toes. 611 00:30:23,689 --> 00:30:25,021 It's Howard's show, though. 612 00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:26,551 Whose is this? 613 00:30:27,125 --> 00:30:28,252 Darryl Philbin. 614 00:30:28,460 --> 00:30:31,589 Oh. Very nice to see a familiar face on top. 615 00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:35,660 My, a little long, aren't we? Four pages? 616 00:30:35,767 --> 00:30:37,030 Is this the same Darryl Philbin 617 00:30:37,102 --> 00:30:39,936 who's had two jobs in 10 years at one company? 618 00:30:40,005 --> 00:30:45,706 Yes, thanks to you who promoted me after we, uh, interfaced. 619 00:30:46,078 --> 00:30:48,741 "Coordinated and implemented receipt, storage, 620 00:30:48,814 --> 00:30:52,945 "and delivery of over 2.5 billion units of inventory." 621 00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:56,887 2.5 billion, Darryl? 2.5 billion units of what? 622 00:30:57,656 --> 00:30:59,591 Paper material, ma'am. 623 00:31:00,158 --> 00:31:01,319 Paper material? 624 00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:02,450 Pieces of paper. 625 00:31:03,295 --> 00:31:05,025 Anybody have a calculator? 626 00:31:08,633 --> 00:31:09,726 You figure what? 627 00:31:10,469 --> 00:31:13,598 Five hundred sheets a ream, 24 reams a case, 628 00:31:14,172 --> 00:31:15,640 how long you worked here... 629 00:31:19,044 --> 00:31:22,037 I can see how you landed in that ballpark. 630 00:31:22,247 --> 00:31:26,947 Laid end to end, it's enough to almost stretch 60% of the way to the moon. 631 00:31:27,352 --> 00:31:30,584 I think this resume almost stretches halfway to the moon. 632 00:31:31,456 --> 00:31:33,982 Jo, may I speak to you for a second? 633 00:31:34,059 --> 00:31:35,687 Or what? You gonna shoot me? 634 00:31:38,196 --> 00:31:40,597 Oh, I enjoy laughing at my mistakes 635 00:31:40,665 --> 00:31:42,964 because I've learned so much from them. 636 00:31:43,668 --> 00:31:45,296 I'd like to be interviewed for the position. 637 00:31:45,370 --> 00:31:46,633 I'll interview you right now. 638 00:31:46,705 --> 00:31:48,230 Okay. Question one. 639 00:31:48,306 --> 00:31:49,797 Ever shot a gun in the office? 640 00:31:51,810 --> 00:31:53,039 It's complicated. 641 00:31:53,111 --> 00:31:55,137 Yeah, but see, it's not. 642 00:31:57,182 --> 00:31:59,981 I will not give up. I won't even be discouraged. 643 00:32:00,051 --> 00:32:03,749 Why? Because managing this office is my destiny. 644 00:32:05,223 --> 00:32:07,419 My only potential obstacle is 645 00:32:07,492 --> 00:32:11,088 if becoming manager is someone else's destiny as well. 646 00:32:12,397 --> 00:32:15,026 But, hey, if this is a case of clashing destinies, 647 00:32:15,667 --> 00:32:16,862 enjoy the show. 648 00:32:17,502 --> 00:32:18,663 I don't think we should tell her. 649 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:21,433 Angela went a whole day without telling me I had lettuce in my teeth. 650 00:32:21,506 --> 00:32:22,599 Screw her. 651 00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:24,267 I'm a woman. I would want to know. 652 00:32:24,342 --> 00:32:25,332 Yeah. You gotta know. 653 00:32:25,410 --> 00:32:29,279 Okay. But if Angela can get a gay man to marry her, 654 00:32:29,714 --> 00:32:32,809 maybe I could get a lesbian to marry me. Huh? 655 00:32:33,718 --> 00:32:34,742 Huh? That's hot. 656 00:32:34,820 --> 00:32:36,618 You have met a lesbian in real life, right? 657 00:32:37,756 --> 00:32:41,557 What we should warn her about is that the whole institution of marriage 658 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,121 is corrupt. That's the lie. 659 00:32:43,195 --> 00:32:44,322 Okay, we're not talking about that. 660 00:32:44,396 --> 00:32:45,659 We're not talking about marriage. 661 00:32:45,730 --> 00:32:49,132 You know, this probably is her last chance at a family. 662 00:32:50,168 --> 00:32:52,103 She does seem happy. 663 00:32:52,871 --> 00:32:54,567 You're right. You're right. 664 00:32:54,639 --> 00:32:56,835 She seems happy. We don't tell her. 665 00:32:57,409 --> 00:32:58,638 - We don't tell her. - Okay. 666 00:32:59,945 --> 00:33:02,210 So what else should we gossip about? 667 00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:06,240 I know, like who's gonna be the new manager, right? 668 00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:07,616 Will it be... 669 00:33:10,055 --> 00:33:12,889 Me? Yes. Yes, it will. 670 00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:14,315 Yeah, right. 671 00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,355 Excuse me, Ms. Bennett, may I have a word? 672 00:33:16,428 --> 00:33:17,487 Okay. 673 00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:18,894 Uh, can it be in private? 674 00:33:18,964 --> 00:33:20,728 Don't worry. It's not about you. 675 00:33:24,503 --> 00:33:26,699 As minority executive, I think it's my responsibility 676 00:33:26,771 --> 00:33:28,740 to let you know that Gabe is gross. 677 00:33:28,807 --> 00:33:30,105 I don't think it's professional 678 00:33:30,175 --> 00:33:31,404 that he was sleeping with the receptionist, 679 00:33:31,476 --> 00:33:33,775 and then when Erin dumped him so that she could be with Andy, 680 00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,713 he became a total crazy stalker psycho. 681 00:33:36,781 --> 00:33:40,240 Welcome to Scranton, Jo, land of 1,000 problems only you can fix. 682 00:33:43,588 --> 00:33:45,454 Oh, for God's sake. 683 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,387 He's texting me his resume one line at a time. 684 00:33:53,064 --> 00:33:56,466 These are costing me 10 cents apiece, you jackass. 685 00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:57,525 I'm roaming! 686 00:34:00,071 --> 00:34:02,836 Get me our biggest client on the phone, right this instant. 687 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,005 Who is our biggest client? 688 00:34:10,081 --> 00:34:11,481 Uh, just put him through to me. 689 00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:14,008 Okay. 690 00:34:15,954 --> 00:34:17,752 Hello, this is the client. 691 00:34:17,822 --> 00:34:18,983 It's Creed. 692 00:34:19,190 --> 00:34:22,627 FYI. I'm starting my own paper company. 693 00:34:22,894 --> 00:34:25,193 Looking to poach some chumps. You in? 694 00:34:25,263 --> 00:34:26,822 Yes. 695 00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:29,993 Cool! Let's keep this on the Q. T., okay? 696 00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,560 I don't want you to be a dead mamma jamma. 697 00:34:32,637 --> 00:34:34,196 Great. Bye-bye. 698 00:34:39,744 --> 00:34:42,145 Get me our second biggest client. 699 00:34:42,213 --> 00:34:43,772 This is great. I love work. 700 00:34:46,284 --> 00:34:47,377 Again? 701 00:34:50,488 --> 00:34:51,547 Hold, please. 702 00:34:54,492 --> 00:34:55,585 Hello? 703 00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:57,285 Who is this? 704 00:34:57,362 --> 00:34:59,422 This is your second biggest client. 705 00:35:00,832 --> 00:35:05,361 I want you to listen very carefully. I'm gonna sing you a song. 706 00:35:18,183 --> 00:35:19,651 Jo, you have one more candidate. 707 00:35:19,818 --> 00:35:21,946 He's a burn victim. Huh? 708 00:35:22,854 --> 00:35:24,049 He's all messed up. 709 00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:26,251 I can tell him to get lost if you want. 710 00:35:26,324 --> 00:35:27,656 No. Send him in. 711 00:35:28,927 --> 00:35:30,156 Who is this? 712 00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:33,796 I have no idea. I know this guy. 713 00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:41,962 Um... 714 00:35:42,641 --> 00:35:46,408 Hello, Mr. Souvenier. Mr. Jacques Souvenier? 715 00:35:46,945 --> 00:35:48,777 Nice to meet you. It says here you're French? 716 00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:51,581 So you worked at your last job for 15 years 717 00:35:51,650 --> 00:35:53,585 as assistant to the regional manager. 718 00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:54,813 Assistant regional manager. 719 00:35:54,886 --> 00:35:56,013 Assistant to the regional manager. 720 00:35:56,087 --> 00:35:58,079 Assistant regional manager. What is it? 721 00:35:58,156 --> 00:35:59,920 Assistant regional manager. 722 00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:01,584 That's my mistake. Sorry about that. 723 00:36:01,660 --> 00:36:03,959 The last paper company you worked for burned to the ground? 724 00:36:04,029 --> 00:36:07,261 And all because they wouldn't hire a manager who lived and breathed paper. 725 00:36:07,532 --> 00:36:08,522 That's a travesty. 726 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,026 I wanna talk to Dwight Schrute for a second. 727 00:36:11,436 --> 00:36:12,699 I wanna ask him a question. 728 00:36:12,771 --> 00:36:13,864 Get Dwight. 729 00:36:13,938 --> 00:36:15,839 If he isn't here in 60 seconds... 730 00:36:17,876 --> 00:36:20,744 Wait, wait! No. Stop, stop. Jo... 731 00:36:22,881 --> 00:36:24,281 It's me. I'm Dwight. 732 00:36:25,417 --> 00:36:26,407 No. 733 00:36:27,218 --> 00:36:28,709 No. Wait. But... 734 00:36:28,787 --> 00:36:30,585 I mean, you're Dwight and then... 735 00:36:31,056 --> 00:36:32,251 He's the... 736 00:36:32,590 --> 00:36:33,580 Yeah. 737 00:36:33,825 --> 00:36:34,815 Oh. 738 00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:39,961 Very unprofessional, Jacques. Or should I say Dwight? 739 00:36:40,732 --> 00:36:44,794 Let's just say I had hired this Jacques Souvenier. Then what? 740 00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:46,269 I would have dressed this way every day, 741 00:36:46,337 --> 00:36:47,635 legally changed my name, 742 00:36:47,706 --> 00:36:49,766 learned French sign language, shown up, 743 00:36:49,841 --> 00:36:53,471 and been the best damn branch manager you'd ever seen. 744 00:36:53,545 --> 00:36:55,480 All that for this job. Yes. 745 00:36:57,649 --> 00:36:58,981 That's crazy. 746 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,051 Get out of here. 747 00:37:05,356 --> 00:37:07,484 What a nut job. 748 00:37:10,261 --> 00:37:13,129 This guy was good. Although he did keep saying 749 00:37:13,198 --> 00:37:14,928 that he needed two weeks off right at the beginning 750 00:37:14,999 --> 00:37:16,729 for a trip to the Finger Lakes. 751 00:37:16,801 --> 00:37:18,565 Seriously, every five minutes he was like, 752 00:37:18,636 --> 00:37:20,332 "Hey, just making sure the Finger Lakes thing is clear." 753 00:37:20,405 --> 00:37:24,433 Okay. It's fun to talk about the rejects, but who's got you excited? 754 00:37:24,509 --> 00:37:25,841 Finger Lakes guy is good. 755 00:37:26,311 --> 00:37:28,109 Darryl is also very good. 756 00:37:28,646 --> 00:37:31,639 You know, I just wish we'd find a candidate that knows the company 757 00:37:31,716 --> 00:37:34,515 as well as, say, some of the people on this committee, 758 00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:36,452 you know, who've been here for a long time. 759 00:37:36,821 --> 00:37:37,811 Interesting. 760 00:37:38,189 --> 00:37:41,455 It'd be a demotion for Gabe and Jim's not interested, so... 761 00:37:42,627 --> 00:37:44,823 Are you trying to tell me you should be manager? 762 00:37:44,896 --> 00:37:46,228 You pulling a Dick Cheney? 763 00:37:46,765 --> 00:37:50,725 No, I'm just saying if we can't find someone... 764 00:37:51,603 --> 00:37:53,071 Yeah, sure, I could do it. 765 00:37:54,606 --> 00:37:57,098 You're funny. Little Dick Cheney. 766 00:37:58,076 --> 00:38:00,204 You want it? Ask for it. 767 00:38:01,012 --> 00:38:02,708 Say you're the best man for the job. 768 00:38:06,885 --> 00:38:10,879 I would work really hard, and, I mean, you could do worse. 769 00:38:11,823 --> 00:38:14,315 'Cause... For God's sake. 770 00:38:14,592 --> 00:38:16,720 Who's this fellow? Went to Cornell. 771 00:38:17,395 --> 00:38:18,454 What's wrong with him? 772 00:38:18,530 --> 00:38:19,657 How much time do you have? 773 00:38:20,165 --> 00:38:21,724 Sales ability, none. 774 00:38:22,066 --> 00:38:24,001 Integrity? See sales ability. 775 00:38:24,669 --> 00:38:26,968 And that's your unbiased opinion. Yes, it is. 776 00:38:27,038 --> 00:38:29,940 So it's not relevant that he took the receptionist away from you. 777 00:38:30,542 --> 00:38:33,478 Oh, Jo. Jo, I'm disappointed in you. 778 00:38:33,545 --> 00:38:36,174 Some people let personal things into the work... 779 00:38:36,247 --> 00:38:38,113 Is she with him? Because I thought that she's just... 780 00:38:38,183 --> 00:38:39,913 Gabe! 781 00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:43,880 Back when I bought this place, I was looking for a ghost. 782 00:38:44,422 --> 00:38:47,017 Somebody to flitter around, spooking people, 783 00:38:47,091 --> 00:38:49,720 keeping them on their toes, and then disappear. 784 00:38:50,028 --> 00:38:52,725 My girlfriend said she knew a man who looked like a ghost, 785 00:38:52,997 --> 00:38:54,488 and he went to business school. 786 00:38:55,033 --> 00:38:57,025 But a ghost ain't supposed to date people. 787 00:38:57,101 --> 00:38:58,899 You think you're Beetlejuice? No. 788 00:38:58,970 --> 00:39:01,565 I'm no Beetlejuice. You're no good to me up here. 789 00:39:02,173 --> 00:39:05,439 You got all close to these people, got involved in their lives. 790 00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:07,509 Let's get you back to Florida. 791 00:39:07,946 --> 00:39:09,312 We'll figure out something for you. 792 00:39:09,747 --> 00:39:10,908 That sounds like a promotion. 793 00:39:10,982 --> 00:39:12,006 It's not. 794 00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:14,410 Let's get Kelly in here to take his place. 795 00:39:14,485 --> 00:39:15,714 Uh, why Kelly? 796 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,014 'Cause Gabe's tall and weak. She's short and strong. 797 00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:19,284 I'm doing an opposites thing. 798 00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:21,515 Okay. 799 00:39:21,759 --> 00:39:23,227 How'd my girl Nelly do? 800 00:39:23,294 --> 00:39:24,728 Oh, I didn't know you knew her. 801 00:39:24,796 --> 00:39:26,424 She didn't mention it? No. 802 00:39:26,564 --> 00:39:28,760 The integrity move. I like it. 803 00:39:29,133 --> 00:39:32,035 Yeah, we met at some dumb Women in Business seminar. 804 00:39:32,570 --> 00:39:34,903 I was the speaker, and she was the only person there 805 00:39:34,973 --> 00:39:37,602 who wasn't trying to sell some Curves ripoff. 806 00:39:38,476 --> 00:39:40,377 You know, she also gave me reason to think 807 00:39:40,445 --> 00:39:42,277 that maybe she wasn't a good fit. 808 00:39:42,347 --> 00:39:44,145 Well, I'm not saying you must hire her. 809 00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:47,410 If you find someone who's clearly a fit, then fine. 810 00:39:47,518 --> 00:39:49,316 Just make sure they fit real good. 811 00:39:49,487 --> 00:39:52,286 No more manager turnover. Don't mess this up, Jim. 812 00:39:53,992 --> 00:39:55,585 And give Dwight an interview. 813 00:39:56,094 --> 00:39:58,063 I like a little bit of crazy. 814 00:40:02,300 --> 00:40:03,734 Erin, what are you doing? 815 00:40:03,801 --> 00:40:05,565 I've been turned into a puppet. 816 00:40:05,637 --> 00:40:07,333 Okay. 817 00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:09,840 Look at the puppet. Hi, puppet. 818 00:40:10,008 --> 00:40:11,032 Who are you? 819 00:40:11,309 --> 00:40:13,471 I was going to put on a puppet show today 820 00:40:13,544 --> 00:40:17,003 to warn people about the faulty outlet behind the fax machine. 821 00:40:18,449 --> 00:40:19,781 But change of plan. 822 00:40:20,451 --> 00:40:22,545 I went to drop off the FedEx forms, 823 00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:26,723 and an evil witch named Angela turned me into a puppet! 824 00:40:26,791 --> 00:40:30,284 Yeah. Low blow, puppet. 825 00:40:30,795 --> 00:40:35,130 And there's only one thing that can change me back into a real girl. 826 00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:37,159 It's good. 827 00:40:37,735 --> 00:40:41,365 It's just that I wish the puppets would talk more about the alphabet. 828 00:40:41,906 --> 00:40:45,775 Not for me, but if any kids are watching. 829 00:40:46,344 --> 00:40:49,143 A, B... And so forth. 830 00:40:49,647 --> 00:40:50,808 You know. 831 00:40:51,382 --> 00:40:53,977 M, N, L, O, P. 832 00:40:56,554 --> 00:40:57,544 F. 833 00:40:59,157 --> 00:41:02,127 I need the most special thing in the office. 834 00:41:02,193 --> 00:41:03,183 Silence? 835 00:41:03,261 --> 00:41:05,526 A date with the best salesman, 836 00:41:06,464 --> 00:41:08,695 Andy Bernard! 837 00:41:17,976 --> 00:41:19,467 Hey, Erin. 838 00:41:20,878 --> 00:41:22,972 Where'd you learn how to puppet like that? 839 00:41:23,181 --> 00:41:25,013 I've done it all my life. Listen, I'm really flattered, 840 00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:26,278 but I don't think we should. 841 00:41:32,890 --> 00:41:35,826 Erin's my best friend in this office, hands down. 842 00:41:36,761 --> 00:41:37,888 But 843 00:41:38,429 --> 00:41:41,558 when she asked me out, I just didn't have that feeling, you know? 844 00:41:41,632 --> 00:41:43,863 Aren't there some things that you really want to like 845 00:41:43,935 --> 00:41:46,837 but you just can't seem to like it? 846 00:41:46,904 --> 00:41:49,931 Like Mad Men or football. 847 00:41:50,908 --> 00:41:53,241 Let's not forget. Erin chose Gabe over me. 848 00:41:53,311 --> 00:41:54,540 That happened. 849 00:41:55,780 --> 00:41:59,410 I'm not gonna apologize for getting over her, okay? 850 00:42:00,618 --> 00:42:04,214 I'm sorry. I would go for someone who's more... 851 00:42:06,424 --> 00:42:07,824 She's great, though. 852 00:42:14,465 --> 00:42:17,765 Hey, Jim. Elevator man. Hey. Yup. All right. 853 00:42:17,835 --> 00:42:19,599 So, listen. 854 00:42:20,238 --> 00:42:24,266 I feel like I came off terribly today, and I want to just start over. 855 00:42:24,342 --> 00:42:26,436 What can I do? Should I call Jo or... 856 00:42:26,511 --> 00:42:28,412 Maybe have my old boss call her. Listen, listen, listen. 857 00:42:28,479 --> 00:42:30,380 This isn't you, okay? 858 00:42:30,448 --> 00:42:34,078 The Darryl we all love, he's calm, he's confident. 859 00:42:34,152 --> 00:42:36,121 So, just be that guy. Okay. 860 00:42:36,187 --> 00:42:37,849 All right? Okay, yeah. 861 00:42:37,922 --> 00:42:39,288 I was thinking that. All right. 862 00:42:39,891 --> 00:42:41,689 Thanks. Means a lot. Yup. 863 00:42:41,759 --> 00:42:42,749 Of course. 864 00:42:43,027 --> 00:42:46,555 Stanley, I won't be able to invite everyone to the wedding, 865 00:42:46,631 --> 00:42:48,759 because we wanna keep it to 350. 866 00:42:48,833 --> 00:42:50,062 I'll get over it. 867 00:42:50,168 --> 00:42:52,194 I mean, we just have to see how many senators 868 00:42:52,270 --> 00:42:54,535 and members of Congress want to attend 869 00:42:54,605 --> 00:42:57,040 before we can open it up to regular people. 870 00:42:57,809 --> 00:43:00,745 Pam, you know how you and Jim did your ironic wedding? 871 00:43:00,812 --> 00:43:03,714 Do you still have the plans for the dream wedding that you couldn't afford? 872 00:43:04,282 --> 00:43:05,614 That was our dream wedding. 873 00:43:06,684 --> 00:43:07,982 Niagara Falls? 874 00:43:08,686 --> 00:43:10,951 Pregnant? That was your dream? 875 00:43:11,823 --> 00:43:13,223 Pork medallions? 876 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:19,822 I hope you have a very beautiful wedding, Angela. 877 00:43:22,333 --> 00:43:25,394 So, Angela, are you looking forward to your wedding night? 878 00:43:26,104 --> 00:43:29,006 What goes on in our bedroom is none of your business, Phyllis. 879 00:43:29,373 --> 00:43:30,705 Or yours. 880 00:43:34,579 --> 00:43:38,346 Oscar, you build up these enemies in your head 881 00:43:38,549 --> 00:43:40,415 and you want to see them suffer. 882 00:43:40,952 --> 00:43:43,922 But the thing is, you don't. 883 00:43:45,656 --> 00:43:47,181 You don't. 884 00:43:51,429 --> 00:43:53,193 Oh, Oscar. 885 00:43:54,565 --> 00:43:56,090 All right. 886 00:43:56,167 --> 00:43:57,795 Name. Dwight Schrute. 887 00:43:57,869 --> 00:44:00,100 Thank you, Mr. Schnoot. We will let you know. 888 00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:02,201 You have to interview me. I just did. 889 00:44:02,273 --> 00:44:04,868 The answer to that one question told me everything I need to know. 890 00:44:05,209 --> 00:44:06,370 How did I do? To be honest, 891 00:44:06,444 --> 00:44:09,414 I'm leaning towards another man. His name is Jacques Souvenier. 892 00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,143 But would you like to be his number two? 893 00:44:12,216 --> 00:44:16,153 God, it's gonna be hard, but, yeah, I would do it. 894 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:17,618 Okay, well, there's a lot to think about, 895 00:44:17,688 --> 00:44:19,782 so we will get back to you. No. 896 00:44:19,857 --> 00:44:21,086 I demand more questions. 897 00:44:21,159 --> 00:44:22,627 All right, guys. Good day. 898 00:44:22,693 --> 00:44:24,252 A lot of candidates. Let's discuss. 899 00:44:24,362 --> 00:44:26,263 Okay, if you're not gonna interview me, then I'll do it. 900 00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:27,354 Yes. 901 00:44:27,999 --> 00:44:29,763 What will be your first priority? 902 00:44:30,935 --> 00:44:33,564 I will have seven first priorities. 903 00:44:33,638 --> 00:44:35,869 Safety, profits, 904 00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:39,674 fostering a community of self-reliance and entrepreneurship, 905 00:44:40,111 --> 00:44:42,842 listening, respect for human life, 906 00:44:43,514 --> 00:44:47,849 bolstering our public image, and getting everyone home on time. 907 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,684 Dwight, let me be frank, 908 00:44:50,821 --> 00:44:52,585 in an accident that no one can blame you for, 909 00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:55,785 an antique gun was discharged while you were acting manager. 910 00:44:56,093 --> 00:44:58,062 How are we ever to trust you again? 911 00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:02,689 That's a great question. 912 00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:09,564 I am going to institute a strict "No firearms" policy for this office 913 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,109 that extends to myself as well. 914 00:45:12,510 --> 00:45:15,412 Wow. All of my concerns are disappearing. 915 00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:17,477 Thank you, Dwight. Thank you. 916 00:45:21,919 --> 00:45:24,354 You'll be hearing from us shortly, Mr. Schrute, 917 00:45:24,655 --> 00:45:27,386 and I think you're going to like the call you're going to receive. 918 00:45:28,025 --> 00:45:29,516 Oh, come on. 919 00:45:31,462 --> 00:45:33,363 I'm just happy that I got this meeting. 920 00:45:37,802 --> 00:45:38,997 Well, that was quick. 921 00:45:39,070 --> 00:45:42,199 Very, very interesting. 922 00:45:42,907 --> 00:45:44,967 And you know what? I'm impressed. 923 00:45:45,576 --> 00:45:46,805 He's not a real candidate. 924 00:45:46,877 --> 00:45:48,778 I don't know, Jim, 'cause it makes me think about something 925 00:45:48,846 --> 00:45:50,178 that my grandfather used to say, 926 00:45:50,248 --> 00:45:53,241 which is that sometimes the hand that jumps out of the grave 927 00:45:53,317 --> 00:45:54,842 and grabs you around the throat, 928 00:45:54,919 --> 00:45:57,320 that is the hand that you want on the wheel. 929 00:45:57,388 --> 00:45:59,448 You took the deal. Yeah. It was a great deal. 930 00:45:59,523 --> 00:46:00,786 That's not okay. 931 00:46:00,858 --> 00:46:02,884 I don't know, Dwight seems like a great leader to me, 932 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,328 and I look forward to the personal perks that he promised me privately. 933 00:46:06,397 --> 00:46:07,626 What do you think, Toby? 934 00:46:07,698 --> 00:46:09,291 Well, we could try him out for a little while, 935 00:46:09,367 --> 00:46:13,805 and if it doesn't work out, you know, maybe one of us could, you know, step in. 936 00:46:14,505 --> 00:46:16,133 What is happening right now? 937 00:46:19,176 --> 00:46:21,577 Is it true that you're making Dwight the manager? 938 00:46:21,645 --> 00:46:23,011 No. Why would you think that? 939 00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:25,379 Well, he and Kelly said, then they pre-fired me. 940 00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:26,439 Okay. 941 00:46:29,753 --> 00:46:32,484 Okay, guys, just so you all know, no decision has been made. 942 00:46:32,556 --> 00:46:34,923 And Dwight is definitely not the boss. 943 00:46:34,992 --> 00:46:37,826 That is correct actually, Dwight is not the manager yet. 944 00:46:37,895 --> 00:46:40,296 No, no, no, not ever, 'cause that's not gonna happen. 945 00:46:40,364 --> 00:46:42,265 Well, it's not entirely up to you, is it? 946 00:46:42,332 --> 00:46:44,995 Seems to me like someone is getting a little power mad. 947 00:46:45,068 --> 00:46:47,731 Am I the only one who remembers what he did when he was in charge? 948 00:46:47,805 --> 00:46:49,296 I feel like I'm going a little bit crazy. 949 00:46:49,373 --> 00:46:52,275 Tuna, you're completely sane. Thank you. 950 00:46:52,476 --> 00:46:53,842 Who do you like for the job? 951 00:46:54,144 --> 00:46:56,943 Is there anyone who maybe was a little underwhelming at first 952 00:46:57,014 --> 00:47:01,679 but now seems like a safe, if not slightly unexciting, choice? 953 00:47:01,819 --> 00:47:05,153 Okay. It seems like everybody has an opinion, so who else? 954 00:47:05,222 --> 00:47:06,656 Anybody? Do you mean it? 955 00:47:06,723 --> 00:47:08,919 Anybody? Are you sure? 956 00:47:08,992 --> 00:47:10,426 I suppose I am. 957 00:47:10,494 --> 00:47:14,022 Okay. Well, what do I want in a manager? 958 00:47:14,631 --> 00:47:16,395 Let me see. 959 00:47:17,768 --> 00:47:20,260 What do I want? 960 00:47:20,971 --> 00:47:22,098 I don't think he meant... 961 00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:25,073 Hey, so now anyone gets to talk at any time? 962 00:47:25,142 --> 00:47:26,303 Go ahead. 963 00:47:26,777 --> 00:47:29,372 What do I want? 964 00:47:31,248 --> 00:47:34,844 I'm looking for someone who... 965 00:47:37,221 --> 00:47:39,656 Everyone is listening to me. 966 00:47:40,624 --> 00:47:41,853 - Can I say... - Yes. 967 00:47:41,925 --> 00:47:43,154 I think it should be Darryl. 968 00:47:43,227 --> 00:47:44,593 Okay. What a surprise. 969 00:47:44,661 --> 00:47:46,186 Minorities sticking together. 970 00:47:46,263 --> 00:47:47,629 Kelly's on your side. 971 00:47:47,698 --> 00:47:50,327 I'm sorry, is that all you think of me? A minority? 972 00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:55,168 I am so much more than that. I am a dancer. I'm a singer. I'm a fashion designer. 973 00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,504 Whoever it is, I think they should be lame. 974 00:47:58,342 --> 00:48:02,040 Kind of a non-threatening, moderate personality. 975 00:48:02,346 --> 00:48:04,076 I want an outsider. Perfect. 976 00:48:04,147 --> 00:48:06,343 There are several outside candidates that we think would be... 977 00:48:06,450 --> 00:48:07,713 No, I mean an outsider. 978 00:48:08,218 --> 00:48:10,084 Like someone on the margins of society 979 00:48:10,153 --> 00:48:12,748 who doesn't see things the way we do, like a homeless person. 980 00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:14,518 A homeless person. Really? 981 00:48:15,525 --> 00:48:16,823 A homeless person. 982 00:48:16,894 --> 00:48:18,522 No. You're right, Pam. Let's just leave them 983 00:48:18,595 --> 00:48:20,325 to the welfare system and let that handle it. 984 00:48:20,397 --> 00:48:22,298 No, I want you to say that you think 985 00:48:22,366 --> 00:48:25,632 the best person to be our new manager is a homeless person. 986 00:48:25,702 --> 00:48:27,068 Let me guess who you want, Pam. 987 00:48:27,137 --> 00:48:29,606 Rachael Ray? The ladies of The View? 988 00:48:29,706 --> 00:48:33,609 I got away with everything under the last boss, 989 00:48:33,677 --> 00:48:35,578 and it wasn't good for me at all. 990 00:48:35,646 --> 00:48:38,639 So I want guidance. I want leadership. 991 00:48:39,082 --> 00:48:42,109 But don't just, like, boss me around, you know? 992 00:48:42,185 --> 00:48:43,380 Like, lead me. 993 00:48:43,487 --> 00:48:48,516 Lead me when I'm in the mood to be led. 994 00:48:48,859 --> 00:48:50,487 I just want, for once, 995 00:48:50,594 --> 00:48:54,463 a smart, professional, decisive, well-hung man in his 40s. 996 00:48:54,531 --> 00:48:56,432 Hey, hey, hey! Okay, fine. 997 00:48:56,733 --> 00:48:59,225 Uh, the guy with the tiny penis. 998 00:48:59,303 --> 00:49:01,863 Are you happy? Let's hire that guy! 999 00:49:01,939 --> 00:49:03,703 She may have a point there. 1000 00:49:04,074 --> 00:49:06,475 Would a small penis work? 1001 00:49:06,910 --> 00:49:08,811 Small to moderate. 1002 00:49:08,879 --> 00:49:10,142 Gotta catch a plane. 1003 00:49:10,781 --> 00:49:12,340 Hey, Gabe, I'm sorry. 1004 00:49:12,416 --> 00:49:14,146 We didn't get you a cake or anything. 1005 00:49:14,217 --> 00:49:15,241 We're gonna miss you. 1006 00:49:15,319 --> 00:49:17,754 Well, I'm still the corporate liaison to the branch. 1007 00:49:17,821 --> 00:49:20,518 You are not leaving without giving me a hug. 1008 00:49:21,825 --> 00:49:22,849 Ugh. 1009 00:49:22,926 --> 00:49:24,758 Okay, you know what? You don't need to make that sound. 1010 00:49:24,828 --> 00:49:27,388 I'm sorry. You were just a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be! 1011 00:49:27,464 --> 00:49:29,126 There are plenty of people who love touching me. 1012 00:49:29,566 --> 00:49:30,795 I'm a terrific hugger. 1013 00:49:31,435 --> 00:49:32,459 I've been with a bunch of girls 1014 00:49:32,536 --> 00:49:34,266 where that's basically all they wanna do. 1015 00:49:34,771 --> 00:49:36,171 I will see you all soon. Later, man. 1016 00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:37,400 We'll miss you. Good luck. 1017 00:49:37,474 --> 00:49:38,737 Good luck at your new job. 1018 00:49:38,809 --> 00:49:40,072 - Take care, man. - Gonna miss you, Gabe. 1019 00:49:40,143 --> 00:49:42,840 Listen up. Listen up, ladies. 1020 00:49:44,114 --> 00:49:45,412 I want the job. 1021 00:49:46,650 --> 00:49:47,982 There. I said it. 1022 00:49:48,585 --> 00:49:51,612 I'm educated, I'm capable, I like all of you, 1023 00:49:51,788 --> 00:49:54,656 and I won't make any changes. 1024 00:49:55,459 --> 00:49:56,586 I see it. 1025 00:49:57,127 --> 00:50:01,565 I see it like I see a mountain that I'm standing in front of and facing and I'm liking. 1026 00:50:01,898 --> 00:50:02,922 Yeah. Yeah. 1027 00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,162 Andy would be wonderful as boss. 1028 00:50:05,335 --> 00:50:06,667 Erin made a good point. 1029 00:50:07,771 --> 00:50:10,570 No. We're not related. I got the call. 1030 00:50:12,209 --> 00:50:13,939 But I'll tell her some other day. 1031 00:50:15,312 --> 00:50:16,678 Okay, what's going on? 1032 00:50:17,147 --> 00:50:19,673 I thought I told you guys to expand the company. 1033 00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:23,954 It looks exactly the same. I'm very disappointed. 1034 00:50:24,521 --> 00:50:26,456 Jordana, get me Jo on the phone. 1035 00:50:30,260 --> 00:50:31,956 Okay, nobody say anything. 1036 00:50:38,835 --> 00:50:41,930 Hey, Creed, this is Jo. No, don't say another word. 1037 00:50:42,005 --> 00:50:45,498 I need you to take a nap right now. Yes. 1038 00:50:46,243 --> 00:50:50,044 I want to talk to you in your dream. Lay down and put the phone... 1039 00:50:50,847 --> 00:50:55,478 Great. Very good. Okay, you gonna go to sleep. 1040 00:50:56,153 --> 00:50:57,485 Okay, I think we have about 40 minutes. 1041 00:50:58,355 --> 00:50:59,345 What about Darryl? 1042 00:51:00,323 --> 00:51:02,451 We can all agree that he's a standup guy, right? 1043 00:51:02,526 --> 00:51:05,724 Very nice, laid back. Overall, just a good guy. 1044 00:51:05,796 --> 00:51:08,664 What if he brings some of those warehouse types up here? 1045 00:51:08,732 --> 00:51:10,098 They're not carnies. 1046 00:51:10,300 --> 00:51:11,495 Can we see a birth certificate? 1047 00:51:11,568 --> 00:51:14,163 I mean, how do we know he wasn't born in Mubajuba or something? 1048 00:51:14,237 --> 00:51:15,535 What difference would that make? 1049 00:51:15,605 --> 00:51:18,871 I'm just saying American jobs should go to Americans. 1050 00:51:21,144 --> 00:51:23,909 Meredith, you can't just spit in the office. 1051 00:51:24,848 --> 00:51:26,180 Okay, I went too far. 1052 00:51:27,017 --> 00:51:28,007 Angela. 1053 00:51:28,185 --> 00:51:30,518 Well, let me be clear. I only speak for myself, 1054 00:51:30,587 --> 00:51:32,613 and not myself and the Senator. 1055 00:51:32,823 --> 00:51:35,019 I think we have some wonderful candidates, 1056 00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,391 and there is a great lively debate here. 1057 00:51:37,527 --> 00:51:39,223 But let's think about... No. No. 1058 00:51:39,296 --> 00:51:41,891 No. Sorry. We cut Kevin off for the same thing. 1059 00:51:41,965 --> 00:51:44,093 You have to have something to say if you talk. 1060 00:51:44,167 --> 00:51:45,328 Exactly. 1061 00:51:45,402 --> 00:51:47,337 Jada. No, no, no. Jada, what are you... 1062 00:51:48,338 --> 00:51:50,307 Oh. So sorry, guys. 1063 00:51:50,373 --> 00:51:52,842 I hope my family didn't disrupt your meeting. 1064 00:51:53,110 --> 00:51:56,547 Daddy, are these the people who are making you manager? 1065 00:51:56,613 --> 00:51:58,707 Maybe, sweetheart. 1066 00:51:58,782 --> 00:52:00,808 Single dad. Challenges. 1067 00:52:01,685 --> 00:52:03,950 I don't know if he'd be a good manager, 1068 00:52:04,020 --> 00:52:05,454 but he's a really great dad. 1069 00:52:05,555 --> 00:52:08,081 Okay. This was a mistake. Let's go. 1070 00:52:09,059 --> 00:52:12,029 It seems like we all know enough to vote. Should we just vote now? 1071 00:52:12,095 --> 00:52:13,324 What? No, no, no. It's not a vote. 1072 00:52:13,396 --> 00:52:15,456 Then what was this all about? I don't know. 1073 00:52:15,532 --> 00:52:17,398 This conversation really got away from me. 1074 00:52:17,467 --> 00:52:18,992 I don't care. They can just vote. 1075 00:52:19,069 --> 00:52:20,367 No, they can't. 1076 00:52:20,470 --> 00:52:22,200 That's not how this is gonna work. 1077 00:52:22,739 --> 00:52:25,265 We're going in this room. We're gonna have a meeting. 1078 00:52:25,342 --> 00:52:26,674 We're gonna make a recommendation to Jo, 1079 00:52:26,743 --> 00:52:29,713 and she's gonna give you her recommendation on Monday, okay? 1080 00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:31,514 What the hell happened out there? 1081 00:52:36,086 --> 00:52:39,022 Sometimes you hear people talking about failing upwards. 1082 00:52:40,423 --> 00:52:41,823 I think I'm about to do that. 1083 00:52:42,959 --> 00:52:45,121 This job? Oh, yeah, I'll get it. 1084 00:52:45,929 --> 00:52:47,397 Jo's an old friend. 1085 00:52:47,898 --> 00:52:50,663 I think I'm her best friend. 1086 00:52:51,034 --> 00:52:52,400 She's not my best friend. 1087 00:52:52,736 --> 00:52:54,568 Every day, I have a blueberry muffin. 1088 00:52:54,871 --> 00:52:57,067 Today I did not have a blueberry muffin. 1089 00:52:58,008 --> 00:52:59,567 Should have had the blueberry muffin. 1090 00:52:59,943 --> 00:53:03,311 Especially considering how incredibly superstitious I am. 1091 00:53:03,847 --> 00:53:05,713 No. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. 1092 00:53:06,383 --> 00:53:08,375 I will be the new boss of... 1093 00:53:10,253 --> 00:53:11,744 Vance Refrigeration. 1094 00:53:13,089 --> 00:53:15,854 Honestly, I think I sabotaged myself. 1095 00:53:15,959 --> 00:53:18,224 It's like I'm afraid of being happy. 1096 00:53:19,262 --> 00:53:20,560 Case in point, 1097 00:53:21,531 --> 00:53:23,693 I was supposed to start another job today. 1098 00:53:23,967 --> 00:53:25,731 I will get offered the job. 1099 00:53:26,536 --> 00:53:29,529 That's a call I've received many times. 1100 00:53:29,606 --> 00:53:33,702 The slight hopefulness in their voice, the pregnant pause 1101 00:53:33,777 --> 00:53:36,838 while they wait to hear my response. 1102 00:53:37,147 --> 00:53:40,083 And then my response. 1103 00:53:41,651 --> 00:53:43,984 I want the job. I really do. 1104 00:53:44,221 --> 00:53:46,986 It's just the rest of my family's in the Finger Lakes right now. 1105 00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:49,659 I'm supposed to be in the Finger Lakes right now. 1106 00:53:50,193 --> 00:53:53,595 I told them I was on a hike, snuck away to do this interview. 1107 00:53:54,097 --> 00:53:56,066 I gotta get back pretty soon. They'll worry. 1108 00:53:56,366 --> 00:53:58,426 People disappear in the Finger Lakes. 1109 00:53:59,069 --> 00:54:04,201 I will run this branch or I will destroy this branch. 1110 00:54:05,942 --> 00:54:09,504 Or, I don't know. Something always works out. 1111 00:54:14,684 --> 00:54:18,314 You remind me so much of my fourth biggest client. 1112 00:54:18,388 --> 00:54:19,754 Is that right? 1113 00:54:19,823 --> 00:54:21,052 I think you two should meet. 1114 00:54:21,358 --> 00:54:22,348 Well, okay... 1115 00:54:22,425 --> 00:54:26,328 Hey, Jordana, patch my ninth and my fourth biggest client together. 1116 00:54:30,700 --> 00:54:31,759 Hello? 1117 00:54:31,901 --> 00:54:32,960 Hello! 1118 00:54:33,236 --> 00:54:34,568 Hi, how are you? 1119 00:54:34,704 --> 00:54:36,036 Oh, I'm good! 1120 00:54:36,106 --> 00:54:39,543 Don't you just love paper and things about paper? 1121 00:54:40,176 --> 00:54:41,576 Hey, are you single? 1122 00:54:41,645 --> 00:54:43,511 This seems like a love connection to me! 1123 00:54:43,580 --> 00:54:44,604 It's kismet. 1124 00:54:45,081 --> 00:54:47,243 Personally, I think Darryl would be good. 1125 00:54:47,384 --> 00:54:50,877 It has to be Darryl, or someone I don't know. 1126 00:54:51,421 --> 00:54:52,650 I thought the woman who came in, 1127 00:54:52,722 --> 00:54:54,623 she seemed like she had a fun energy. 1128 00:54:54,691 --> 00:54:58,059 I'm not a sexist. I just really don't want it to be a woman. 1129 00:54:59,029 --> 00:55:02,625 I just feel that women are generally less competent than men 1130 00:55:02,699 --> 00:55:04,361 and less rational. 1131 00:55:04,434 --> 00:55:06,232 Again, I'm not a sexist. 1132 00:55:06,803 --> 00:55:11,468 Even Andy... They need to pick someone. 1133 00:55:12,442 --> 00:55:14,968 Just someone. Fast. 1134 00:55:14,992 --> 00:55:24,992 MD.EK Adjusting the time to suit the translation.