1 00:00:02,237 --> 00:00:05,077 Oh, my God. You're, like, agoraphobic. 2 00:00:05,109 --> 00:00:05,879 Really? Yeah! 3 00:00:05,912 --> 00:00:08,617 You would rather sit on your couch 4 00:00:08,650 --> 00:00:09,753 and watch a Phillies game 5 00:00:09,786 --> 00:00:11,891 then go out to a movie with your awesome girlfriend. 6 00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:12,958 Absolutely correct. 7 00:00:12,993 --> 00:00:14,095 Later, Jim. 8 00:00:14,127 --> 00:00:16,265 Kev, have a good weekend. Bye. 9 00:00:16,298 --> 00:00:18,905 Okay, so this is what's gonna happen. 10 00:00:18,937 --> 00:00:19,773 You're gonna suck it up... Here we go. 11 00:00:19,806 --> 00:00:21,577 and we're gonna go to dinner... Okay. 12 00:00:21,611 --> 00:00:22,646 And then we're gonna go to the movies. 13 00:00:22,678 --> 00:00:24,115 Sounds good. Hey, Halpert! 14 00:00:25,785 --> 00:00:26,886 Hey. 15 00:00:30,894 --> 00:00:31,931 Roy! Ahh! 16 00:00:31,963 --> 00:00:33,066 Roy, don't! 17 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:36,304 God! 18 00:00:42,184 --> 00:00:44,922 Pam, please call security. 19 00:00:44,956 --> 00:00:47,194 Every day for eight years, 20 00:00:47,227 --> 00:00:48,997 I have brought pepper spray into this office 21 00:00:49,030 --> 00:00:51,903 to protect myself and my fellow employees. 22 00:00:51,936 --> 00:00:53,907 And every day for eight years, 23 00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:56,044 people have laughed at me. 24 00:00:56,078 --> 00:00:58,718 Well. Who's laughing now? 25 00:01:04,530 --> 00:01:05,062 No need for consternation. 26 00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:08,471 Everything is under control. 27 00:01:08,505 --> 00:01:09,507 Michael, three days ago 28 00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:10,741 one of your employees 29 00:01:10,774 --> 00:01:12,646 attacked another employee in your office. 30 00:01:12,678 --> 00:01:14,582 It was a crime of passion, Jan, 31 00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,553 not a disgruntled employee. 32 00:01:16,586 --> 00:01:18,691 Everyone here is extremely gruntled. 33 00:01:18,725 --> 00:01:20,494 Is Toby there? 34 00:01:20,529 --> 00:01:21,531 No. 35 00:01:21,563 --> 00:01:23,468 I'm here, Jan. 36 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,739 Wh-what is the situation, Toby? 37 00:01:25,772 --> 00:01:28,377 Well, we fired Roy, obviously. 38 00:01:28,411 --> 00:01:30,915 And Jim won't press charges against Roy or the company. 39 00:01:30,948 --> 00:01:32,585 Thank God. Yeah. 40 00:01:32,618 --> 00:01:35,692 Um, but now apparently Darryl has some issue with-- 41 00:01:35,725 --> 00:01:38,465 No, he has been wanting a raise for a couple of months 42 00:01:38,497 --> 00:01:41,237 and he's just using this Roy thing as leverage. 43 00:01:41,271 --> 00:01:42,605 All right, well, are you gonna take care of this? 44 00:01:42,638 --> 00:01:43,975 Yeppers. 45 00:01:44,007 --> 00:01:47,483 What did I tell you about "yeppers?" 46 00:01:47,515 --> 00:01:49,519 I don't remember. 47 00:01:49,552 --> 00:01:51,757 I told you not to say it. Do you remember that? 48 00:01:51,791 --> 00:01:53,995 Ye--sh. 49 00:01:56,966 --> 00:01:59,606 I really don't want to talk about it. 50 00:01:59,639 --> 00:02:01,576 I don't mean to be rude, 51 00:02:01,611 --> 00:02:05,351 but I just--I don't want to comment on what happened. 52 00:02:07,422 --> 00:02:09,827 It sucked. 53 00:02:11,796 --> 00:02:13,501 I guess... 54 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,904 all things considered... 55 00:02:15,938 --> 00:02:19,078 I was lucky Dwight was there. 56 00:02:19,110 --> 00:02:21,584 And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray, 57 00:02:21,616 --> 00:02:24,523 and not the nunchucks or the throwing stars. 58 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:32,439 Hey, man, I never got a chance to thank you. 59 00:02:32,473 --> 00:02:34,542 "Thank you" not necessary, and thus not accepted. 60 00:02:34,577 --> 00:02:38,115 I saw someone breaking the law, and I interceded. 61 00:02:38,148 --> 00:02:39,786 Okay. 62 00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:43,093 Um...got you something. 63 00:02:43,125 --> 00:02:44,696 Don't want it. Won't open it. 64 00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:45,764 Don't need it. Won't take it. 65 00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:48,103 Citizens do not accept prizes for being citizens. 66 00:02:53,145 --> 00:02:55,050 No, don't call me a hero. 67 00:02:55,082 --> 00:02:57,456 Do you know who the real heroes are? 68 00:02:57,489 --> 00:02:59,627 The guys who wake up every morning 69 00:02:59,659 --> 00:03:01,664 and go into their normal jobs, 70 00:03:01,696 --> 00:03:03,835 and get a distress call from the commissioner, 71 00:03:03,868 --> 00:03:05,804 and take off their glasses and change into capes, 72 00:03:05,838 --> 00:03:08,042 and fly around fighting crime. 73 00:03:08,076 --> 00:03:09,646 Those are the real heroes. 74 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,184 I cannot believe I missed the fight. 75 00:03:12,218 --> 00:03:13,420 It was crazy. 76 00:03:13,455 --> 00:03:14,457 Man. 77 00:03:14,489 --> 00:03:17,629 You saw it? Describe it, please. 78 00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:21,637 Well... 79 00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:23,607 I heard some shouting. 80 00:03:23,641 --> 00:03:25,611 And I look over, and Roy's by reception. 81 00:03:25,645 --> 00:03:27,815 And you could just tell he's gonna punch somebody. 82 00:03:27,848 --> 00:03:29,619 Jim says something. 83 00:03:29,653 --> 00:03:30,922 Roy stomps all over there. 84 00:03:30,955 --> 00:03:32,056 All of a sudden--bam! 85 00:03:32,091 --> 00:03:33,760 Roy goes down, and Dwight's standing there 86 00:03:33,794 --> 00:03:34,896 like an action hero. 87 00:03:34,930 --> 00:03:36,567 Oh! 88 00:03:36,601 --> 00:03:40,207 It was insane. 89 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,814 Well...good for Dwight. 90 00:03:43,847 --> 00:03:45,519 Okay, I want you to be Darryl 91 00:03:45,552 --> 00:03:46,753 and ask me for a raise, 92 00:03:46,786 --> 00:03:47,922 because I need to try out 93 00:03:47,956 --> 00:03:49,759 some of these negotiation tactics on you. 94 00:03:49,792 --> 00:03:50,928 Where'd you get that? 95 00:03:50,962 --> 00:03:52,231 Wikipedia. 96 00:03:52,264 --> 00:03:55,871 Wikipedia is the best thing ever. 97 00:03:55,904 --> 00:03:57,643 Anyone in the world 98 00:03:57,676 --> 00:04:00,481 can write anything they want about any subject. 99 00:04:00,481 --> 00:04:02,752 So you know you are getting 100 00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,123 the best possible information. 101 00:04:05,156 --> 00:04:07,896 Okay, Darryl, ask me for a raise. 102 00:04:07,928 --> 00:04:09,733 Hey, Mike, since Roy left 103 00:04:09,766 --> 00:04:10,735 I've been doing a lot more work, 104 00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:11,571 and I need a raise. 105 00:04:11,603 --> 00:04:13,975 Hmm, well, that's interesting, Darryl. 106 00:04:14,008 --> 00:04:15,879 I think... 107 00:04:15,912 --> 00:04:17,915 that maybe you should... 108 00:04:17,948 --> 00:04:20,689 I can't hear you. 109 00:04:20,721 --> 00:04:23,059 What I'm saying is that... 110 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,337 Still nothing. 111 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:31,743 Okay, see what I did? No. 112 00:04:31,777 --> 00:04:34,683 By leaning back and by whispering, 113 00:04:34,717 --> 00:04:37,689 I established a dominant physical position. 114 00:04:37,723 --> 00:04:39,225 Nice. 115 00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:40,762 Okay, let's try another one. 116 00:04:40,794 --> 00:04:42,264 I removed my weapon 117 00:04:42,297 --> 00:04:44,235 from its secure hiding place. 118 00:04:44,268 --> 00:04:45,739 Discharged it at a distance 119 00:04:45,772 --> 00:04:47,141 of a little over a meter, 120 00:04:47,174 --> 00:04:51,684 rendering him utterly and completely disabled. 121 00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:54,790 The end. 122 00:04:54,822 --> 00:04:56,159 Thanks, Dwight. 123 00:04:56,192 --> 00:04:58,765 That is the bravest thing I have ever heard. 124 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,601 I can't imagine what I would've done. 125 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:01,971 I do. 126 00:05:02,003 --> 00:05:03,975 You would've left me to fend for myself. 127 00:05:04,007 --> 00:05:05,745 Like the time we were on the Ferris wheel 128 00:05:05,778 --> 00:05:06,881 and that kid dropped a milkshake on me 129 00:05:06,913 --> 00:05:08,149 and you just laughed. 130 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,352 Well, that was funny. That's why. 131 00:05:09,385 --> 00:05:10,855 Oh, it was? Mm-hmm. 132 00:05:10,888 --> 00:05:11,857 Okay, well, the next time that you get scared 133 00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:13,393 that you think a murderer is in your apartment 134 00:05:13,427 --> 00:05:14,762 in the middle of the night 135 00:05:14,796 --> 00:05:15,965 and you call me to calm you down... 136 00:05:15,999 --> 00:05:17,669 Can you stop? 137 00:05:17,703 --> 00:05:19,707 Because I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan, I'm not. 138 00:05:19,740 --> 00:05:21,776 There's a bunch of people back there maybe. 139 00:05:21,811 --> 00:05:23,078 I call you in the middle of the night 140 00:05:23,112 --> 00:05:25,082 to tell you that I love you. Guys? 141 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,455 I don't think Michael intended to punish me 142 00:05:27,487 --> 00:05:30,729 by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. 143 00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:36,104 But if he did intend that...wow. 144 00:05:36,138 --> 00:05:37,174 Genius. 145 00:05:37,207 --> 00:05:38,778 Yeah. 146 00:05:38,811 --> 00:05:40,046 You ready for me? 147 00:05:40,079 --> 00:05:42,786 Yes, yeah, absolutely. Have a seat. Cool. 148 00:05:42,819 --> 00:05:45,257 You know what? 149 00:05:45,290 --> 00:05:46,926 Actually, let's go into the conference room. 150 00:05:46,961 --> 00:05:48,798 Okay. No, you know what? Let's stay here. 151 00:05:50,902 --> 00:05:53,273 No, let's go to the con-- 152 00:05:53,306 --> 00:05:55,478 Yeah, let's go to the conference room. 153 00:05:57,314 --> 00:05:59,887 Tactic number six. 154 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,957 Change the location of the meeting 155 00:06:01,990 --> 00:06:03,158 at the last second. 156 00:06:03,193 --> 00:06:05,498 Totally throws 'em off. 157 00:06:14,817 --> 00:06:19,325 Number 14. Declining to speak first. 158 00:06:19,358 --> 00:06:20,995 Makes them feel uncomfortable, 159 00:06:21,028 --> 00:06:22,464 puts you in control. 160 00:06:27,541 --> 00:06:30,280 I am declining to speak first. 161 00:06:30,313 --> 00:06:31,851 Okay, I'll start. 162 00:06:31,884 --> 00:06:33,085 It's pretty simple really. 163 00:06:33,118 --> 00:06:36,124 I, um, I think I deserve a raise. 164 00:06:36,158 --> 00:06:38,396 I'm scheduled to get one in six months, 165 00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:40,902 but I'd like that to be moved up to now. 166 00:06:40,935 --> 00:06:44,341 Hmm. 167 00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:46,881 Ohh, Darryl. 168 00:06:46,914 --> 00:06:50,855 You are a good worker and a good man. 169 00:06:50,889 --> 00:06:54,897 I just--you know, times are tight. 170 00:06:57,034 --> 00:06:58,938 And I just don't think 171 00:06:58,971 --> 00:07:00,841 corporate's going to go for this right now. 172 00:07:00,841 --> 00:07:02,144 Are you wearing lady clothes? 173 00:07:02,176 --> 00:07:04,014 What? 174 00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:06,652 Are you wearing lady clothes? 175 00:07:06,686 --> 00:07:08,223 Those look like lady pants. 176 00:07:09,992 --> 00:07:11,896 No, this is a power suit. 177 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,967 That there's a woman's suit. 178 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,306 I do not buy women's clothes. 179 00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:19,511 Would not make that mistake again. 180 00:07:19,546 --> 00:07:21,683 I'm gonna call Roy, man. Okay. 181 00:07:21,715 --> 00:07:22,986 This is gonna make him feel better. All right. 182 00:07:23,018 --> 00:07:24,320 This is too good! 183 00:07:24,354 --> 00:07:26,091 All right, you know what? 184 00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:27,996 Pam, would you please tell Darryl 185 00:07:28,028 --> 00:07:30,667 that this is not a woman's suit. 186 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,370 Oh, my God. That's a woman's suit. 187 00:07:32,404 --> 00:07:33,639 You're wearing a woman's suit? 188 00:07:33,674 --> 00:07:36,546 No, I do-- I wear men's suits. 189 00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:38,083 Okay, I got this out of a bin. 190 00:07:38,116 --> 00:07:40,053 There were these huge bins of clothes, 191 00:07:40,087 --> 00:07:42,592 and everybody was rifling through them like crazy, 192 00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:45,531 and I grabbed one. 193 00:07:45,564 --> 00:07:47,101 And it fit. 194 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,071 So I don't think 195 00:07:49,105 --> 00:07:51,742 that is totally just a woman's suit. 196 00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:54,048 At the very least it's bisexual. 197 00:07:54,081 --> 00:07:55,416 Who makes it? 198 00:07:57,253 --> 00:07:59,993 Um, MISSterious. 199 00:08:00,027 --> 00:08:02,030 And it is mysterious, 200 00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,166 because the buttons are on the wrong side. 201 00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:04,536 That's the mystery. 202 00:08:04,569 --> 00:08:05,770 It's got shoulder pads. 203 00:08:05,804 --> 00:08:07,341 And did you see that lining? 204 00:08:07,374 --> 00:08:09,712 Okay, would you stop it, please? 205 00:08:09,745 --> 00:08:11,414 Michael, the pants don't have any pockets. 206 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,053 No, they don't. See? 207 00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:17,294 Negotiations are all about controlling things. 208 00:08:17,326 --> 00:08:20,633 About being in the driver's seat. 209 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:24,440 And...you make one tiny mistake, you're dead. 210 00:08:24,474 --> 00:08:26,746 I made one tiny mistake. 211 00:08:26,779 --> 00:08:28,783 I wore women's clothes. 212 00:08:30,956 --> 00:08:33,561 So Karen, how do you feel 213 00:08:33,595 --> 00:08:36,531 that Roy tried to kick your boyfriend's ass 214 00:08:36,564 --> 00:08:38,035 over another woman? 215 00:08:38,368 --> 00:08:40,774 I feel great, Kevin. Thank you. 216 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:42,812 What happened exactly? 217 00:08:42,845 --> 00:08:44,149 I wasn't here, 218 00:08:44,181 --> 00:08:46,920 so I haven't really heard the whole story. 219 00:08:46,955 --> 00:08:49,126 Um, well, Jim and I were talking. 220 00:08:49,159 --> 00:08:50,694 Mm-hmm. 221 00:08:50,729 --> 00:08:52,932 And Roy walked in looking super angry. 222 00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:55,672 And he's a big dude, you know? 223 00:08:55,704 --> 00:08:56,674 And all of a sudden, 224 00:08:56,706 --> 00:08:58,209 Jim pushed me out of the way. 225 00:08:58,244 --> 00:09:00,481 And Roy cocked his fist. 226 00:09:00,481 --> 00:09:01,683 And then--bam! 227 00:09:01,717 --> 00:09:04,690 Dwight sprays him and knocks him on his butt. 228 00:09:04,722 --> 00:09:09,165 Goodness. 229 00:09:14,275 --> 00:09:16,246 Sorry I almost got you killed. 230 00:09:16,279 --> 00:09:18,050 Yeah. 231 00:09:18,084 --> 00:09:19,285 That was nuts. 232 00:09:19,319 --> 00:09:22,759 It's just so stupid. 233 00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:25,731 I mean, getting back with Roy and everything. 234 00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:29,672 I mean, what was I thinking, right? 235 00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:31,143 No, I mean, you guys really seem 236 00:09:31,175 --> 00:09:33,214 to have a strong connection. 237 00:09:33,247 --> 00:09:34,849 Not anymore. 238 00:09:34,882 --> 00:09:38,625 It's, um... it's completely over now. 239 00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:41,330 We'll see. 240 00:09:41,362 --> 00:09:42,766 I'm sure you guys'll... 241 00:09:42,798 --> 00:09:45,370 find your way back to one another someday. 242 00:09:45,403 --> 00:09:46,873 Jim... 243 00:09:48,910 --> 00:09:50,715 I am really...sorry. 244 00:09:50,749 --> 00:09:53,053 Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it. 245 00:09:56,761 --> 00:09:58,731 I'm going to give you a piece of paper. 246 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,704 I want you to write down how much you want, 247 00:10:01,737 --> 00:10:03,841 then I want you to slide it back across the desk to me. 248 00:10:07,782 --> 00:10:09,051 No, slide--slide it, yes. 249 00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:11,155 There you go. 250 00:10:13,027 --> 00:10:14,963 Oh... 251 00:10:14,997 --> 00:10:16,667 Come on...be serious. 252 00:10:16,701 --> 00:10:18,370 I am serious, Mike. That's a 10% raise. 253 00:10:18,403 --> 00:10:19,405 That's what I want. 254 00:10:19,439 --> 00:10:20,709 I can't give you that. 255 00:10:20,742 --> 00:10:22,679 I-I don't make this much. 256 00:10:22,713 --> 00:10:24,081 Come on, be for real, Mike. 257 00:10:24,115 --> 00:10:25,151 I don't. 258 00:10:25,184 --> 00:10:26,986 I'll prove it to you. 259 00:10:27,021 --> 00:10:30,194 There is a pay stub. 260 00:10:34,969 --> 00:10:36,941 Are you serious? You're earning this? 261 00:10:36,973 --> 00:10:38,409 Plus perks, yes. 262 00:10:38,444 --> 00:10:40,448 Mike, this is barely more than I make. 263 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,016 You've been here ten years, dog. 264 00:10:43,821 --> 00:10:44,790 14 years. 265 00:10:44,823 --> 00:10:45,825 Hoho! 266 00:10:45,859 --> 00:10:47,427 No, please-- please don't-- 267 00:10:47,462 --> 00:10:48,364 Oh, sorry, Mike. 268 00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:50,334 Some of my folks got to hear about this one. 269 00:10:50,368 --> 00:10:51,904 Ah. 270 00:10:51,936 --> 00:10:53,407 Okay, let's take 15 again. 271 00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:57,114 A boss's salary isn't just about money. 272 00:10:57,147 --> 00:10:58,449 It is about perks. 273 00:10:58,484 --> 00:11:00,721 It--for example, 274 00:11:00,721 --> 00:11:03,795 every year, I get a $100 gas card. 275 00:11:03,828 --> 00:11:05,932 Can't put a price tag on that. 276 00:11:05,964 --> 00:11:06,934 Michael. 277 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:07,968 Hmm? 278 00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:09,306 Here's the, uh, $15 I owe you. 279 00:11:09,338 --> 00:11:10,809 Oh, thank you. Yeah. 280 00:11:10,841 --> 00:11:12,245 I heard you might need it. 281 00:11:12,277 --> 00:11:15,985 So...just take it. 282 00:11:16,018 --> 00:11:19,326 Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. 283 00:11:19,359 --> 00:11:21,931 I still think he's way overpaid. 284 00:11:21,963 --> 00:11:24,068 Okay, here's the straight dope. 285 00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:25,971 No tricks, no Wikipedia. 286 00:11:26,005 --> 00:11:26,973 What? 287 00:11:27,007 --> 00:11:28,176 I talked to corporate, 288 00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:29,880 and they told me 289 00:11:29,912 --> 00:11:32,986 that I can only give you a 5% raise. 290 00:11:33,018 --> 00:11:34,188 That's 'cause of you, Mike. 291 00:11:34,221 --> 00:11:35,424 They're not gonna give the working man 292 00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:36,827 more than the boss. 293 00:11:36,861 --> 00:11:37,863 Well, what am I supposed to do? 294 00:11:37,896 --> 00:11:39,598 Get your own raise. 295 00:11:39,631 --> 00:11:42,104 You gotta get out there and earn, son. 296 00:11:42,137 --> 00:11:43,841 I'm not gonna go out and ask for a raise right now. 297 00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:45,511 That is ridiculous. 298 00:11:45,543 --> 00:11:48,584 You gotta call your girl... and get paid. 299 00:11:48,616 --> 00:11:50,922 Show her who wears the pants in the relationship. 300 00:11:50,955 --> 00:11:52,525 You know what? I deserve a bump. 301 00:11:52,557 --> 00:11:53,995 Make it happen, Captain. 302 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,571 I am makin' it happen... Sergeant. 303 00:12:02,011 --> 00:12:03,547 Okay, if you don't want a gift, 304 00:12:03,580 --> 00:12:05,050 at least let me buy you a beer 305 00:12:05,082 --> 00:12:05,985 or lunch or something. 306 00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:08,056 When Han Solo returns to the Death Star 307 00:12:08,088 --> 00:12:09,259 in the Millennium Falcon 308 00:12:09,291 --> 00:12:12,631 and shoots down the TIE fighters and saves the rebel cause... 309 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,969 do you think he does so for a free beer? 310 00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,442 Boy, I-- No. 311 00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:19,010 And why are you so interested in buying me something, Jim? 312 00:12:19,045 --> 00:12:22,117 What's your angle? 313 00:12:22,151 --> 00:12:25,223 I've never asked for a raise in 14 years. 314 00:12:25,258 --> 00:12:27,195 This is long overdue. 315 00:12:27,227 --> 00:12:28,697 I wanna do it today. 316 00:12:28,729 --> 00:12:29,831 Today? All right. 317 00:12:29,865 --> 00:12:32,572 Well, uh, listen, because of our, uh, situation, 318 00:12:32,604 --> 00:12:34,943 we're gonna need to have a third party present. 319 00:12:34,977 --> 00:12:37,047 Yes, I'm bringing Darryl. 320 00:12:37,081 --> 00:12:38,716 D-Darryl from the warehouse? 321 00:12:38,749 --> 00:12:41,022 Mm-hmm. No, Michael. 322 00:12:41,055 --> 00:12:43,226 We--we need an H.R. rep. 323 00:12:43,259 --> 00:12:45,999 So uh, you should just bring Toby. 324 00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,036 Hey...I'd rather kill myself. 325 00:12:48,069 --> 00:12:49,973 Michael, he's your branch's H.R. rep. 326 00:12:50,007 --> 00:12:52,111 Toby is terrible. And we need someone else in the room 327 00:12:52,144 --> 00:12:54,516 Toby is the worst human being because of our relationship. 328 00:12:54,549 --> 00:12:56,352 I've ever known-- You know this. Michael! 329 00:12:56,385 --> 00:12:58,590 Either Toby comes with you, or we don't do it. 330 00:13:04,336 --> 00:13:06,071 Toby, come on, let's go. 331 00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:07,475 Where? Where? 332 00:13:07,508 --> 00:13:09,010 I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. 333 00:13:09,045 --> 00:13:11,749 Come on, let's go. 334 00:13:11,783 --> 00:13:13,987 All right. 335 00:13:22,172 --> 00:13:26,213 Don't ever touch a black man's radio! 336 00:13:26,245 --> 00:13:28,383 Chris Tucker. Rush Hour. 337 00:13:28,417 --> 00:13:30,020 You know? 338 00:13:32,024 --> 00:13:34,262 I won't touch yours, by the way. 339 00:13:34,296 --> 00:13:36,032 Thank you. Well... 340 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,769 And then all of a sudden, Dwight stood up 341 00:13:37,803 --> 00:13:39,306 and was like, "No!" 342 00:13:39,339 --> 00:13:41,009 Then what'd he do? 343 00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:42,444 Well, you should just read the report that Toby did. 344 00:13:42,477 --> 00:13:43,748 He took everyone's stories. 345 00:13:45,318 --> 00:13:49,391 Okay, it seems here that you ordered 346 00:13:49,426 --> 00:13:51,462 12,000 reams of paper. 347 00:13:51,495 --> 00:13:52,833 Oh, 12 reams. 348 00:14:07,462 --> 00:14:08,397 Hey, guys. 349 00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:12,205 Jan is ready for you. 350 00:14:12,237 --> 00:14:13,406 Okay. 351 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:14,542 Okay, bring it home now. 352 00:14:14,576 --> 00:14:16,948 And don't forget the new black man phrase I taught you. 353 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,483 Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity. 354 00:14:18,517 --> 00:14:20,922 Yes, sir! Remember that. 355 00:14:20,956 --> 00:14:22,458 I'll be right outside if you need me. 356 00:14:22,491 --> 00:14:24,061 All right. 357 00:14:24,510 --> 00:14:27,210 Yeah. I taught Michael some new phrases. 358 00:14:27,235 --> 00:14:29,940 I want him to get the raise. 359 00:14:29,974 --> 00:14:31,343 I...just can't help myself. 360 00:14:42,497 --> 00:14:44,971 Hey, man, uh... 361 00:14:45,003 --> 00:14:46,505 I'm sorry. 362 00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,267 Thanks. 363 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,424 Can I, like... 364 00:15:12,457 --> 00:15:14,562 see you after work for coffee or something? 365 00:15:14,595 --> 00:15:17,034 I don't know. 366 00:15:17,068 --> 00:15:19,572 Please. 367 00:15:19,605 --> 00:15:22,078 I just got some stuff I gotta say to you. 368 00:15:30,693 --> 00:15:32,331 Jim! 369 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,235 Roy. Look out! 370 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:36,907 Thanks, Kev. I'm...good, though. 371 00:15:36,942 --> 00:15:40,113 First off, Michael, this a salary negotiation. 372 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,952 All matters regarding our personal relationship 373 00:15:41,985 --> 00:15:43,454 have to be set aside. 374 00:15:43,487 --> 00:15:44,621 Are we clear? 375 00:15:44,656 --> 00:15:46,325 Bippity boppity. 376 00:15:47,627 --> 00:15:49,599 Right now, we can offer you a 6% raise. 377 00:15:49,631 --> 00:15:51,403 6%? Mm-hmm. 378 00:15:51,436 --> 00:15:52,505 After all we've been through? 379 00:15:52,538 --> 00:15:55,643 Oh, God. I got you jade earrings. 380 00:15:55,678 --> 00:15:57,515 Michael-- No. No. 381 00:15:57,548 --> 00:15:58,649 Michael-- No. 382 00:15:58,684 --> 00:16:00,320 You're gonna play it like this? 383 00:16:00,353 --> 00:16:02,124 You give me a good raise, 384 00:16:02,158 --> 00:16:03,693 or no more sex. 385 00:16:07,002 --> 00:16:08,704 What are you writing, perv-ball? 386 00:16:08,736 --> 00:16:11,276 Just preparing for the deposition. 387 00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:13,414 This may be the first time that a male subordinate 388 00:16:13,447 --> 00:16:16,453 has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise 389 00:16:16,485 --> 00:16:19,626 by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. 390 00:16:19,658 --> 00:16:22,431 It will be a groundbreaking case... 391 00:16:22,465 --> 00:16:24,601 when it inevitably goes to trial. 392 00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:28,577 I'm so sorry, Pammy. 393 00:16:28,609 --> 00:16:30,413 I really wasn't gonna do anything. 394 00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:34,556 But then I...kept thinking about you two together, and... 395 00:16:36,493 --> 00:16:38,429 I just thought you guys were really good friends or... 396 00:16:38,463 --> 00:16:42,605 or maybe he was gay or something. 397 00:16:42,638 --> 00:16:44,609 Not that that's wrong. 398 00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,485 I'm sorry too. 399 00:16:50,688 --> 00:16:51,590 I just-- 400 00:16:51,623 --> 00:16:55,363 I think that we both made some bad choices. 401 00:16:58,604 --> 00:17:01,042 So you gonna start datin' Halpert, then? 402 00:17:01,042 --> 00:17:04,682 Um...no. 403 00:17:04,715 --> 00:17:06,553 No, he has a girlfriend. 404 00:17:06,586 --> 00:17:08,590 Oh, yeah. 405 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,867 Wait a minute, you broke off our wedding for the guy. 406 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,373 No. 407 00:17:16,406 --> 00:17:19,545 There were a lot of reasons. 408 00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:22,752 You mean you're not even gonna try to go out with him? 409 00:17:29,699 --> 00:17:31,603 What's this? 410 00:17:31,636 --> 00:17:32,871 What's what? 411 00:17:32,905 --> 00:17:34,475 "Certificate of Bravery 412 00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:35,843 "from the Scranton Police Department. 413 00:17:35,878 --> 00:17:38,717 "Recognizing outstanding citizenship 414 00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:41,589 from a very brave young man, Dwight K. Schrute"? 415 00:17:41,623 --> 00:17:43,859 Wow, I guess word got around. 416 00:17:43,894 --> 00:17:45,398 That's a nice honor. 417 00:17:45,430 --> 00:17:47,668 Please, they hand these out to little kids. 418 00:17:47,702 --> 00:17:49,772 Look, there's a teddy bear in a policeman's cap. 419 00:17:49,806 --> 00:17:52,912 Mm...didn't think you'd notice. 420 00:17:55,251 --> 00:17:56,686 What's wrong with you? 421 00:17:57,688 --> 00:18:01,162 Ohh. It was a weird day. 422 00:18:01,162 --> 00:18:03,500 I accidentally cross-dressed. 423 00:18:04,869 --> 00:18:06,673 And then Darryl made me feel bad 424 00:18:06,706 --> 00:18:08,643 for not making any money. 425 00:18:08,677 --> 00:18:10,748 And then I had to ride up here with stupid Toby. 426 00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:12,252 And then-- 427 00:18:12,284 --> 00:18:13,654 Okay, Michael... 428 00:18:13,687 --> 00:18:16,660 I can offer you a 12% raise. 429 00:18:16,693 --> 00:18:17,894 But... 430 00:18:17,928 --> 00:18:20,868 you have got to ask for 15. 431 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:24,242 That's ridiculous. I'm never gonna make-- 432 00:18:24,276 --> 00:18:25,578 No, just... 433 00:18:25,610 --> 00:18:27,914 I just need you to ask for it... 434 00:18:27,948 --> 00:18:29,985 so I can record that you asked for it. 435 00:18:30,019 --> 00:18:32,725 'Kay? 436 00:18:32,758 --> 00:18:34,829 Ah, so... 437 00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:37,768 All right, Levinson. 438 00:18:37,802 --> 00:18:41,776 I would like a 15% raise. 439 00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:43,780 No! But we can offer you 12. 440 00:18:43,814 --> 00:18:45,351 But you just said 15. 441 00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:50,026 Negotiation is an art. 442 00:18:50,058 --> 00:18:52,731 Back and forth, give and take. 443 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:56,806 And today, both Darryl and I took something. 444 00:18:56,840 --> 00:19:00,548 Higher salaries. Win, win, win. 445 00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:03,719 But, you know, life is about more 446 00:19:03,754 --> 00:19:05,890 than just salary. 447 00:19:05,924 --> 00:19:09,064 It's about...perks. 448 00:19:09,096 --> 00:19:10,733 Like having sex with Jan. 449 00:19:10,768 --> 00:19:12,337 Michael! 450 00:19:16,077 --> 00:19:18,449 Dwight. 451 00:19:21,755 --> 00:19:23,759 I've been doing some very interesting reading. 452 00:19:23,793 --> 00:19:25,597 Really? Mm-hmm. 453 00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:26,799 Tales of bravery. 454 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,870 Hmm. Good stuff? 455 00:19:28,904 --> 00:19:30,773 Mm-hmm. 456 00:19:30,807 --> 00:19:32,712 I was thinking tonight, we could... 457 00:19:32,744 --> 00:19:34,982 read it together. 458 00:19:35,016 --> 00:19:36,986 That sounds... 459 00:19:37,020 --> 00:19:41,061 fun. 460 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,694 I... 461 00:19:57,727 --> 00:20:00,767 will never say a word. 462 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,806 And now... we are even. 463 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,885 I graduated from anger management the same way 464 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,625 I graduated from Cornell... on time. 465 00:20:12,657 --> 00:20:14,696 Now I'm back, got a second chance, 466 00:20:14,728 --> 00:20:16,466 and I'm not gonna blow it. 467 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,536 So look out, Dunder-Mifflin! 468 00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:22,645 I mean "look out" in a fun way. 469 00:20:22,678 --> 00:20:24,915 You know, not like, "I'm gonna hurt you." 470 00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:27,222 Hey, guys! 471 00:20:27,255 --> 00:20:28,690 Guess who's back? 472 00:20:28,724 --> 00:20:30,228 Aah! Aah! 473 00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:33,934 Ohh, God! 474 00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,470 No need to thank me. 475 00:20:35,503 --> 00:20:37,641 I am not a hero. 476 00:20:37,675 --> 00:20:40,348 I am a mere defender of the office. 477 00:20:40,381 --> 00:20:41,951 You know who's a real hero? 478 00:20:41,983 --> 00:20:43,955 Hiro from "Heroes." 479 00:20:43,987 --> 00:20:46,826 That's a hero. 480 00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:48,264 Also Bono. 481 00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:58,288 MD.EK Adjusting the time to suit the translation.