1 00:00:06,415 --> 00:00:08,467 He's late. 2 00:00:08,468 --> 00:00:09,935 It's fine. We'll wait. 3 00:00:12,322 --> 00:00:14,356 ♪ AKA Gunshot... ♪ 4 00:00:14,357 --> 00:00:15,357 ♪ Dead man love me... ♪ 5 00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:20,378 ♪ My life ain't been easy... ♪ 6 00:00:20,379 --> 00:00:21,880 Hey, yo, man, keep it running. 7 00:00:21,881 --> 00:00:23,465 I'm-a pop in real quick, 8 00:00:23,466 --> 00:00:25,067 and then, we'll hit up the titty club. 9 00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,402 Hey, yo, fam. What's up? 10 00:00:27,403 --> 00:00:29,404 My mixtape dropped this week. 11 00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:31,189 It's tight as hell. 12 00:00:31,241 --> 00:00:33,158 Hey, you need this, man. You need this in your life. 13 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:34,776 New shit. New shit. 14 00:00:34,777 --> 00:00:36,862 Get it while it's dope. Oh, 15 00:00:36,863 --> 00:00:38,413 Poseidon's here! 16 00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:39,948 What's up, fam? 17 00:00:39,949 --> 00:00:42,534 Aphrodite, looking very trill. 18 00:00:42,535 --> 00:00:44,086 Oh, what's up, Apollo? 19 00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,755 What's up, Moms? What's up, Pops? 20 00:00:46,756 --> 00:00:49,006 One CD. 21 00:00:52,045 --> 00:00:54,213 Yo, who's this white dude? 22 00:00:54,214 --> 00:00:55,764 Hi, Cupid. My name is Alan Gilbert. 23 00:00:55,765 --> 00:00:57,432 I'm a drug and addiction specialist. 24 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,434 We're here today to talk to you about your dependence 25 00:00:59,435 --> 00:01:01,553 on alcohol and codeine cough syrup. 26 00:01:01,554 --> 00:01:03,722 Yo, hold up. This is an intervention? 27 00:01:03,723 --> 00:01:05,140 Oh, hell, no, man. I ain't doing this shit. 28 00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:06,608 You will do it, or I shall 29 00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:09,728 smite thee with a thunderbolt! 30 00:01:09,729 --> 00:01:11,613 Now, Zeus, remember what we talked about? 31 00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:13,615 We're coming from a place of compassion. 32 00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:16,034 - Ah, this is such bullshit. - Yes. Yeah, why don't you 33 00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:18,120 sit down, bitch? 34 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:20,155 Mom, would you begin? 35 00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:22,624 Cupid, 36 00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:26,078 you used to bring love to people of all shapes and sizes. 37 00:01:26,079 --> 00:01:27,579 You talk about the old me. But now, 38 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:29,131 you spend all your time in nightclubs, 39 00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:31,300 only bringing love to the worst type 40 00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:33,719 of people, like DJs and 41 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,671 club promoters and 42 00:01:35,672 --> 00:01:37,589 guys who say they're producers, 43 00:01:37,590 --> 00:01:39,758 but when you look them up, they haven't produced anything. 44 00:01:39,759 --> 00:01:41,393 That's 'cause all of those dudes are there for me, 45 00:01:41,394 --> 00:01:42,978 when I real... it comes down to it. 46 00:01:42,979 --> 00:01:44,563 Have any of you listened to my mixtape? 47 00:01:44,564 --> 00:01:45,981 Be for real. 48 00:01:45,982 --> 00:01:47,766 Have you? 49 00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:50,352 I listened to it. 50 00:01:50,353 --> 00:01:52,437 It struck me as a cry for help. 51 00:01:52,438 --> 00:01:54,106 Whatever happened to helping the little guy? 52 00:01:54,107 --> 00:01:56,241 Don't nice guys deserve love, too? 53 00:01:56,242 --> 00:01:57,693 Yeah, nice guys don't have yayo for Cupid. 54 00:01:57,694 --> 00:01:59,278 See? There he goes. 55 00:01:59,279 --> 00:02:00,779 He's drinking that damned sizzurp again. 56 00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:02,281 Oh, like, you never did anything bad in your life. 57 00:02:02,282 --> 00:02:03,415 What about that time you turned into a swan, 58 00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:04,783 and you raped that lady? 59 00:02:04,784 --> 00:02:06,285 That's not... that's not what this is about. 60 00:02:06,286 --> 00:02:07,369 - It could be. - Or what about 61 00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:08,620 when you turned into that bull, 62 00:02:08,621 --> 00:02:10,088 and you raped that other lady? 63 00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:12,174 I admit it, I made some mistakes, okay? 64 00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,508 You raped her a bunch of times, too. 65 00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,043 Yup, yup, yup. 66 00:02:15,044 --> 00:02:16,595 But I don't want you following 67 00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:17,879 in your old man's footsteps. 68 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,182 All I ever wanted... 69 00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:22,634 was to give you the life that I never had. 70 00:02:22,635 --> 00:02:24,936 And all I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me, 71 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,388 but I was never enough! 72 00:02:26,389 --> 00:02:28,106 Cupid... 73 00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:30,642 I'll always be proud of you. You're my son. 74 00:02:30,643 --> 00:02:33,528 Daddy. Son. 75 00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,364 Cupid, I've got a plane ticket with your name on it 76 00:02:35,365 --> 00:02:36,565 for a rehab center in Arizona. 77 00:02:36,566 --> 00:02:38,317 Do you accept? 78 00:02:38,318 --> 00:02:40,485 I do, Alan, and I'm gonna start right now 79 00:02:40,486 --> 00:02:42,371 by hooking up the world's biggest loser 80 00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:44,323 with some super hot chick. 81 00:02:44,324 --> 00:02:46,907 Good luck, loser dumb-ass. 82 00:03:04,093 --> 00:03:05,644 Oh. 83 00:03:05,645 --> 00:03:07,262 Hi. 84 00:03:07,263 --> 00:03:08,730 Hi. 85 00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:10,015 Sorry. I... 86 00:03:10,016 --> 00:03:11,433 No. Thank-thank you. 87 00:03:11,434 --> 00:03:13,068 Yeah. 88 00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:14,603 I'm-I'm... I'm Whitney. 89 00:03:14,604 --> 00:03:17,105 Hi. I'm-I'm Josh. 90 00:03:17,106 --> 00:03:18,740 - Hi. - Hi. 91 00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:21,159 Yup. 92 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,923 Do you want some company? 93 00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:25,805 Man Seeking Woman - 01x05 Sizzurp 94 00:03:47,633 --> 00:03:50,235 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com 95 00:03:55,978 --> 00:03:58,146 Dude, where have you been? 96 00:03:58,147 --> 00:03:59,948 I've been calling you all week. 97 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:01,650 Hey, I'm sorry. I've just been kind of busy. 98 00:04:01,651 --> 00:04:03,034 Busy with what? You don't do anything. 99 00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:04,986 Well, I, uh... 100 00:04:04,987 --> 00:04:06,405 - I kind of, uh... - Honey, where are your washcloths? 101 00:04:06,406 --> 00:04:07,906 Oh! Oh! So sorry. 102 00:04:07,907 --> 00:04:09,574 I didn't realize we had company. 103 00:04:09,575 --> 00:04:11,576 - We just... he just arrived. - No, uh, uh... 104 00:04:11,577 --> 00:04:13,412 - Ah. Oh, yeah. - Mike, this is, uh, Whitney. 105 00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:15,747 - Whitney, this is, uh, Mike. - Hi. Hi. 106 00:04:15,748 --> 00:04:17,132 I'm-I'm... I'm Michael. 107 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,633 - Okay. - Uh-huh. 108 00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:20,919 - Yeah, cool. It's... - Uh, no. Oh, okay. 109 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,421 - I'm gonna jump in the shower. - Yeah, you know where everything is. 110 00:04:22,422 --> 00:04:23,588 Uh-huh. Shh. 111 00:04:23,589 --> 00:04:25,090 Oh, my God. 112 00:04:25,091 --> 00:04:26,391 - No? - That's the hottest chick I have ever seen. 113 00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:29,644 Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's-she's pretty cute. 114 00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,763 - I'm literally gonna jack off for a million years. - Oh, my God. 115 00:04:31,764 --> 00:04:33,765 - I don't... - I'm gonna rip my penis off. 116 00:04:33,766 --> 00:04:35,567 How did you pull that? 117 00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:39,237 Okay, so, uh, I was having my lunch in the park. 118 00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:42,491 A gust of wind, uh, blustered some napkins onto the ground. 119 00:04:42,492 --> 00:04:44,609 - I should get some napkins. - Well, listen, 120 00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:46,661 I-I mean, it was more of a moment, okay? 121 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,413 - Oh. - Like, it's-it's not sort of a template 122 00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:51,116 as much as it is an organic happening. 123 00:04:51,117 --> 00:04:54,619 What am I doing? What am I doing? 124 00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:57,622 I don't know. I mean, I would think you should just be happy 125 00:04:57,623 --> 00:04:59,257 that I found someone I like spending time with. 126 00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:01,626 Sure, yeah, I'm happy, but, uh... 127 00:05:01,627 --> 00:05:03,295 What about me, man? 128 00:05:03,296 --> 00:05:04,846 Where's my piece of the pie? 129 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,631 It's okay. It's okay. 130 00:05:06,632 --> 00:05:07,933 You're living the dream. 131 00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:09,968 Thank-thank you. 132 00:05:09,969 --> 00:05:11,436 You're an American hero. 133 00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:13,305 - Oh, come on. - No, seriously. 134 00:05:13,306 --> 00:05:14,940 I'm... Thank-thank you. 135 00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:16,308 - Thank you. - I'm so proud of you. 136 00:05:16,309 --> 00:05:17,809 So proud of you. 137 00:05:17,810 --> 00:05:19,528 You're doing God's work now, okay? 138 00:05:19,529 --> 00:05:21,396 I guess. I guess. 139 00:05:21,397 --> 00:05:23,031 I guess maybe I am. 140 00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,483 I guess maybe I am. 141 00:05:24,484 --> 00:05:26,818 Absolutely. 142 00:05:26,819 --> 00:05:29,571 Yeah? Huh. 143 00:05:29,572 --> 00:05:31,456 Oh, hey, uh, Jessica? Do I know you? 144 00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,325 Josh Greenberg. We were in middle school together. 145 00:05:33,326 --> 00:05:34,993 I actually had a huge crush on you, 146 00:05:34,994 --> 00:05:36,711 even though you were super cruel to me 147 00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,246 and often called me a gaylord. 148 00:05:38,247 --> 00:05:39,748 God, it's been forever. 149 00:05:39,749 --> 00:05:41,883 - This is my girlfriend Whitney. - Hi. 150 00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,252 Wow. 151 00:05:44,253 --> 00:05:45,670 Hey, big sister who thought 152 00:05:45,671 --> 00:05:47,172 I needed help finding a girlfriend. 153 00:05:47,173 --> 00:05:50,392 - Hey. - Oh. Shows what I know. 154 00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:53,428 Hey, childhood bully who used to throw milk cartons at my face. 155 00:05:53,429 --> 00:05:55,897 Pretty good, right? 156 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:59,267 - Hey, ex-girlfriend who broke my heart. - Hey. 157 00:05:59,268 --> 00:06:01,186 Hey, Spanish professor who said I was bad at Spanish. 158 00:06:01,187 --> 00:06:03,103 Hola, Yosh. ¿Que pasa? 159 00:06:04,774 --> 00:06:06,691 What? 160 00:06:06,692 --> 00:06:08,360 Remember when you asked me if I've been, uh, 161 00:06:08,361 --> 00:06:10,028 sexually active any time in the last three months? 162 00:06:10,029 --> 00:06:12,113 You said, "Sort of." And I said, "What does that mean?" 163 00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:14,199 And you said, "Actually, no." And then I raised 164 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,784 my eyebrows as if to silently judge you. 165 00:06:15,785 --> 00:06:18,670 Uh, so here's my girlfriend, Whitney. 166 00:06:18,671 --> 00:06:19,588 Hello. Nice to meet you. 167 00:06:19,589 --> 00:06:21,873 Hi. 168 00:06:21,874 --> 00:06:23,375 Hey, dog that used to scare me. 169 00:06:23,376 --> 00:06:25,010 Go. Go. 170 00:06:25,011 --> 00:06:26,378 Hey, long book I couldn't finish. 171 00:06:26,379 --> 00:06:29,097 I want to make sure you met, uh, current girlfriend Whitney. 172 00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:31,850 - Yeah. I met her. - Yeah, I'm just double-double-checking. 173 00:06:31,851 --> 00:06:33,218 - I got it. Good-bye. - Josh, first of all, 174 00:06:33,219 --> 00:06:35,637 gaylord-- I could not have been more wrong on that one. 175 00:06:35,638 --> 00:06:37,522 You're clearly some kind of straightlord. 176 00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:38,473 - Thank you very much. - I should have married you 177 00:06:38,474 --> 00:06:39,641 instead of this guy. 178 00:06:39,642 --> 00:06:41,059 When she's right, she's right. 179 00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:42,727 - They seem nice. - Oh, they (bleep)ing suck. 180 00:06:42,728 --> 00:06:46,063 I thought I was smart, but, in fact, I'm stupid. 181 00:06:46,065 --> 00:06:47,449 Guess I won't be needing this anymore. 182 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,734 - Probably not. - He seems nice. 183 00:06:49,735 --> 00:06:51,703 And, uh, you know, we-we met. I was just on a bench 184 00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:55,240 chasing napkins. Never give up on your dreams, okay? 185 00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:57,207 Thank you. Thank you very much. 186 00:06:58,578 --> 00:06:59,744 Yeah! 187 00:07:01,247 --> 00:07:03,965 Hey, Granddad, who was brave and fought in wars. 188 00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,501 I miss you. 189 00:07:06,502 --> 00:07:09,254 He seemed nice. 190 00:07:09,255 --> 00:07:11,089 - I'm getting really tired. - I know. L-Last stop, I promise. 191 00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:12,257 - Okay. - Uh, knock knock. 192 00:07:12,258 --> 00:07:14,009 Hey, you're the temp, right? 193 00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:15,927 - Uh, Jeremy whatever? - It's, uh, 194 00:07:15,928 --> 00:07:18,597 - Josh, actually. Um, so... - What's up, Josh? 195 00:07:18,598 --> 00:07:21,888 I just wanted you, my boss, to meet my girlfriend Whitney. 196 00:07:22,018 --> 00:07:24,136 Hi. Charles Powell, 197 00:07:24,137 --> 00:07:27,472 CEO of Powell Consulting. Have a seat right here. 198 00:07:27,473 --> 00:07:29,975 Whitney, that is a beautiful name. 199 00:07:29,976 --> 00:07:31,310 - You ever flown a Cessna? - Nope. 200 00:07:31,311 --> 00:07:32,811 - Never? - I have not. 201 00:07:32,812 --> 00:07:34,813 - Not once? - Not once. 202 00:07:34,814 --> 00:07:38,400 You? Cute little you. You've never flown in a Cessna? 203 00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:40,652 No one has ever offered you a ride in a Cessna? 204 00:07:40,653 --> 00:07:44,289 No... 205 00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:46,375 - Go to the airport. - We will take... Let's go for a ride. 206 00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:48,327 Yeah, we-we got to go. 207 00:07:48,328 --> 00:07:50,495 We may have some where we're going. So just give it a second. 208 00:07:50,496 --> 00:07:51,997 - He seemed nice. - No, he's not nice. 209 00:07:51,998 --> 00:07:55,299 - None-none of these people are nice! - Hi. 210 00:07:57,141 --> 00:07:59,674 - Hey. Nice shoes. Where'd you get 'em? - No. Hi. 211 00:07:59,676 --> 00:08:01,460 Thank you. Oh, a little boutique. 212 00:08:01,461 --> 00:08:03,712 - Doesn't matter. - Hey, hey. Virgo. 213 00:08:03,714 --> 00:08:07,601 - August 29! Oh, my God. - No, no. No! Stop it! 214 00:08:07,601 --> 00:08:09,602 - We're going home. It's a nice home. - Okay. 215 00:08:09,603 --> 00:08:11,303 - Hello, beautiful! - Oh! Wait, careful, bud! 216 00:08:11,304 --> 00:08:12,354 Hi, Ravi. 217 00:08:12,355 --> 00:08:13,389 What, you know this guy? 218 00:08:13,390 --> 00:08:14,523 Yeah. He's my yoga instructor. 219 00:08:14,524 --> 00:08:16,692 You're tight. We need a session. 220 00:08:16,693 --> 00:08:18,477 We need to get your body loose again. 221 00:08:18,478 --> 00:08:20,062 - You guys all need to stop. - No, we... 222 00:08:20,063 --> 00:08:23,532 We need to get you loose...! 223 00:08:23,533 --> 00:08:27,486 Not every guy that's nice to me is trying to sleep with me. 224 00:08:27,487 --> 00:08:29,571 - I don't actually think that's true. - This may come 225 00:08:29,572 --> 00:08:31,073 as a surprise to you, but some guys 226 00:08:31,074 --> 00:08:32,908 are actually interested in me as a human being. 227 00:08:34,411 --> 00:08:36,328 No. 228 00:08:36,329 --> 00:08:38,247 You're right, you're right, you're right. 229 00:08:38,248 --> 00:08:40,082 I'm just being, uh, jealous. 230 00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:42,334 I won't let it happen again. 231 00:08:42,335 --> 00:08:44,003 I appreciate that. 232 00:08:44,004 --> 00:08:46,472 Yeah, of course. 233 00:08:46,473 --> 00:08:47,840 - He's here. 234 00:08:47,841 --> 00:08:49,925 Uh, who's-who's, uh, here? 235 00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:51,927 - Hello? - Tanaka. Tanaka. 236 00:08:51,928 --> 00:08:54,420 Hi. Come on in. First door on the right. 237 00:08:54,676 --> 00:08:57,348 - Who's-who's that? - I invited my friend Tanaka over. 238 00:08:57,350 --> 00:08:59,685 He's visiting from Japan. Didn't I tell you? 239 00:08:59,686 --> 00:09:01,637 - No. No. - Remember, 240 00:09:01,638 --> 00:09:04,523 I met him on my study abroad. He took me to see Coldplay. 241 00:09:04,524 --> 00:09:07,024 He's a giant Japanese penis monster. 242 00:09:08,695 --> 00:09:10,529 I could've swore you just said 243 00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:13,649 uh, "Japanese penis monster." 244 00:09:13,650 --> 00:09:15,200 Well, Tanaka's an octopoid creature 245 00:09:15,201 --> 00:09:16,952 from an alternate universe whose body consists 246 00:09:16,953 --> 00:09:18,954 - entirely of penises. - Uh, uh, he's... 247 00:09:18,955 --> 00:09:21,657 he's, um... What? What? 248 00:09:21,658 --> 00:09:23,325 He's traveling, right now, through time and space 249 00:09:23,326 --> 00:09:25,294 seeking out orifices to penetrate with his many penises. 250 00:09:25,295 --> 00:09:26,495 He's amazing. 251 00:09:26,496 --> 00:09:27,796 Tanaka. 252 00:09:27,797 --> 00:09:29,715 - Coming! - He-he, uh... 253 00:09:29,716 --> 00:09:31,466 - This is, uh... - Tanaka! 254 00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:33,585 - WHITNEY: Tanaka! Hi! - Oh, (bleep). 255 00:09:33,586 --> 00:09:36,388 It's so good to see you. I missed you. 256 00:09:36,389 --> 00:09:37,506 How was the trip? 257 00:09:37,507 --> 00:09:39,391 - You get here okay? - Tanaka. Tanaka. 258 00:09:39,392 --> 00:09:41,318 - Kill it! Kill it! - I want you to meet Josh. 259 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,187 Josh, come say hi to Tanaka. 260 00:09:43,646 --> 00:09:45,847 Oh, hey, hey. 261 00:09:45,848 --> 00:09:47,900 Hey, man. Welcome. 262 00:09:47,901 --> 00:09:51,270 - He wants you to shake his penis. - Tanaka. 263 00:09:51,272 --> 00:09:53,606 - Tanaka. - Hi. 264 00:09:53,606 --> 00:09:54,907 Nice to... 265 00:09:54,908 --> 00:09:57,276 Uh, Josh. Greenberg. 266 00:09:57,277 --> 00:09:59,278 Tanaka. 267 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,531 I'm so excited you guys are finally meeting. 268 00:10:01,531 --> 00:10:02,998 Tanaka. 269 00:10:02,999 --> 00:10:04,199 - Yay. - Tanaka, Tanaka. 270 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,866 - Tanaka, Tanaka, - Oh. 271 00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:08,954 God. Th... 272 00:10:08,955 --> 00:10:10,756 Mm, Tanaka. 273 00:10:13,176 --> 00:10:14,293 Tanaka, Tanaka, Tanaka. 274 00:10:14,294 --> 00:10:15,427 Okay, oh, my... 275 00:10:15,428 --> 00:10:17,379 This is awful. 276 00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:19,765 Tanaka, Tanaka, Tanaka, Tanaka-naka-kaka. 277 00:10:19,766 --> 00:10:21,433 Tanaka, Tanaka. 278 00:10:21,434 --> 00:10:22,718 -- You're so bad! 279 00:10:22,719 --> 00:10:24,469 I hate him. 280 00:10:24,470 --> 00:10:26,054 - What? - What-What's the, uh... 281 00:10:26,055 --> 00:10:28,557 How's he bad? What's... 282 00:10:28,558 --> 00:10:29,975 Just an inside joke. 283 00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:31,193 I, let me inside. 284 00:10:31,194 --> 00:10:32,277 I-I'll be inside. 285 00:10:32,278 --> 00:10:33,729 Just, what-what's the joke? 286 00:10:33,730 --> 00:10:35,948 Well, Tanaka was just talking 287 00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:37,566 about this girl that he used to date 288 00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:40,368 and how his condom bill was, like, through the roof. 289 00:10:40,370 --> 00:10:41,954 Tanaka. 290 00:10:41,955 --> 00:10:43,288 Because of his... 291 00:10:43,289 --> 00:10:45,324 - He has a lot of penises. - Oh, no. 292 00:10:45,325 --> 00:10:46,408 Yeah, no, I got it. 293 00:10:46,409 --> 00:10:47,960 Yeah, that's, that is adorable. 294 00:10:47,961 --> 00:10:50,162 That's... that's so funny. 295 00:10:50,163 --> 00:10:51,496 Tanaka? 296 00:10:51,497 --> 00:10:52,914 No, he has... 297 00:10:52,915 --> 00:10:54,166 He has a sense of humor; he gets it. 298 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,885 He gets it. I'm gonna get some more wine. 299 00:10:56,886 --> 00:10:58,420 - Oh, okay. All right. - Tanaka. 300 00:10:58,421 --> 00:11:00,254 I won't. 301 00:11:01,591 --> 00:11:02,891 So... 302 00:11:02,892 --> 00:11:05,559 Um, Japan. 303 00:11:08,765 --> 00:11:10,983 I don't know anything about that place. 304 00:11:10,984 --> 00:11:13,485 Long days. 305 00:11:13,486 --> 00:11:16,071 Long days. 306 00:11:16,072 --> 00:11:19,191 You like manga? 307 00:11:19,192 --> 00:11:20,525 You... 308 00:11:20,526 --> 00:11:21,827 Oh, I'm back. 309 00:11:21,828 --> 00:11:23,996 Ah, Tanaka-Naka-Naka-Naka! 310 00:11:25,832 --> 00:11:26,748 Honey, we don't have any more wine. 311 00:11:26,749 --> 00:11:30,085 Do you think you can go to the store and get some? 312 00:11:30,086 --> 00:11:33,422 So you want me to leave you in my apartment with, uh... 313 00:11:33,423 --> 00:11:34,840 Tanaka. 314 00:11:34,841 --> 00:11:36,041 - Yeah. - Oh, okay. 315 00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:37,959 Just to get some more wine. 316 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,461 Shit, yeah, okay. 317 00:11:39,462 --> 00:11:41,095 So-so I'll... yeah, yep. 318 00:11:43,549 --> 00:11:44,967 Hey... 319 00:11:45,051 --> 00:11:46,885 tell me everything about Burning Man. 320 00:11:46,886 --> 00:11:48,504 Tanaka, Tanaka... 321 00:11:48,505 --> 00:11:50,005 - Oh, really? - Tanaka, Tanaka. 322 00:11:50,006 --> 00:11:51,757 Oh, my God, did you have so much fun? 323 00:11:51,758 --> 00:11:53,307 Where was your guys' tent? 324 00:12:00,683 --> 00:12:03,685 You're still dating nice girl? 325 00:12:03,686 --> 00:12:05,854 Oh, yes, yes, still-still dating nice girl. 326 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,773 You drive Lamborghini? 327 00:12:07,774 --> 00:12:09,441 Do I drive a... No. 328 00:12:10,443 --> 00:12:11,660 You own real estate? 329 00:12:11,661 --> 00:12:13,195 Do I own real est... No. 330 00:12:13,196 --> 00:12:15,164 Tycoon? Greek tycoon, something like this? 331 00:12:15,165 --> 00:12:16,115 - No. - I mean, in... 332 00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:17,533 In my experience, my friend, 333 00:12:17,534 --> 00:12:19,034 to be with a lady like this, 334 00:12:19,035 --> 00:12:20,536 you have to have something. 335 00:12:20,537 --> 00:12:22,037 You have to buy better wine than this. 336 00:12:22,038 --> 00:12:23,539 - Thank you. - Can you... 337 00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:24,790 Can you tell her I say hi? 338 00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:26,508 I-I can't help 339 00:12:26,509 --> 00:12:28,093 but get the feeling that this, uh, 340 00:12:28,094 --> 00:12:29,878 this Tanaka character, 341 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:32,681 he really just hangs out with Whitney 'cause he wants to have sex with her. 342 00:12:32,682 --> 00:12:34,550 Yeah, so you guys have got something in common. 343 00:12:34,551 --> 00:12:38,103 No, no, no, no, I hang out with her for a lot of reasons, okay? 344 00:12:38,104 --> 00:12:40,773 She-she's got some great ideas, okay? 345 00:12:40,774 --> 00:12:43,859 She-she, uh, she's got a cute-cute little jacket. 346 00:12:43,860 --> 00:12:46,028 She smells wonderful. 347 00:12:46,029 --> 00:12:47,980 Josh, is this really a healthy relationship, 348 00:12:47,981 --> 00:12:50,399 or are you just trying to make it work 'cause she's... 349 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,951 more beautiful than any other girl you've ever dated? 350 00:12:52,952 --> 00:12:54,903 Wait, is-is-is she beautiful? 351 00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:57,239 I mean, I mean, 'cause, I mean, I don't think of those things. 352 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,907 I mean, every woman is beautiful to me. 353 00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:01,160 A woman can hang out with a friend. 354 00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:02,794 A male friend. 355 00:13:04,247 --> 00:13:05,380 No... no... 356 00:13:05,381 --> 00:13:06,832 You sound desperate 357 00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:09,751 and paranoid, which is not attractive. 358 00:13:09,752 --> 00:13:11,920 If you're confident in yourself, 359 00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:14,423 it doesn't matter how many penises Tanaka has. 360 00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:16,341 I am not insecure. I... 361 00:13:16,342 --> 00:13:17,810 I'm a goddamned American hero! 362 00:13:17,811 --> 00:13:19,511 What? 363 00:13:19,512 --> 00:13:21,680 Uh, I... never... I gotta go. 364 00:13:21,681 --> 00:13:24,065 - Got the... - Ooh, Tanaka, naka. 365 00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:26,185 You get your filthy penises off of her! 366 00:13:26,186 --> 00:13:27,736 What? Huh? 367 00:13:27,737 --> 00:13:29,738 Josh, he's just giving me a back massage. 368 00:13:29,739 --> 00:13:32,324 Oh, come on! Really? 369 00:13:32,325 --> 00:13:34,193 I'm pretty sure he was trying to have sex with you. 370 00:13:34,194 --> 00:13:36,695 Are you really doing this again? For the last time, he's my friend. 371 00:13:36,696 --> 00:13:38,447 - Tanaka... - I'm serious. Just... 372 00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:40,115 just step off. 373 00:13:40,116 --> 00:13:42,367 Josh, you're being a huge asshole! 374 00:13:42,368 --> 00:13:43,785 - Tanaka! Tanaka! Tanaka! - No, stop it, all right? 375 00:13:43,786 --> 00:13:45,420 It's just... it's a figure of speech. 376 00:13:45,421 --> 00:13:46,872 - Tanaka. - Okay, fine, fine. 377 00:13:46,873 --> 00:13:48,674 So... so... 378 00:13:48,675 --> 00:13:50,292 Okay, I'm paranoid. 379 00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:52,594 I'm-I'm paranoid. 380 00:13:52,595 --> 00:13:55,214 The penis monster makes me uncomfortable. 381 00:13:55,215 --> 00:13:57,466 You have a penis; he has a few more. 382 00:13:57,467 --> 00:14:00,018 - Why is that so threatening? - I am asking you 383 00:14:00,019 --> 00:14:01,887 as your boyfriend... 384 00:14:01,888 --> 00:14:03,805 please stop hanging out with him. 385 00:14:03,806 --> 00:14:05,023 Josh... 386 00:14:05,024 --> 00:14:06,308 please don't make me choose 387 00:14:06,309 --> 00:14:07,809 between you and my friend. 388 00:14:07,810 --> 00:14:09,311 I can't believe this is happening. 389 00:14:09,312 --> 00:14:11,730 Hm. I didn't realize you were so insecure. 390 00:14:11,731 --> 00:14:14,316 Listen, I'm just trying to-- get away! 391 00:14:14,318 --> 00:14:15,201 - Tanaka. - Josh, 392 00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:16,985 he's just trying to be nice. 393 00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:18,654 I know that. I-I appreciate that. 394 00:14:18,655 --> 00:14:20,205 - But I'm saying-- oh, my God... - Tanaka. 395 00:14:20,206 --> 00:14:22,875 - Naka. - Oh, my... oh, God. 396 00:14:22,876 --> 00:14:25,043 Okay, it's in my mouth... it got in my mouth that time. 397 00:14:25,044 --> 00:14:26,995 - Oh, God. Tanaka, please! - You're being 398 00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:29,164 - very rude to my friend, Josh. - You're... 399 00:14:29,165 --> 00:14:31,216 you're touching his penis. You're touching one 400 00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:33,102 - of his penises. His penis is on you! - Yeah? So? 401 00:14:33,102 --> 00:14:34,503 It's in your hands! 402 00:14:34,504 --> 00:14:35,671 - Tanaka. - For sake, 403 00:14:35,672 --> 00:14:37,506 Tanaka, will you please mind 404 00:14:37,507 --> 00:14:39,675 - your own goddamn business? - Josh! 405 00:14:39,676 --> 00:14:41,510 - Whitney... Oh, my... - Tanaka! 406 00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:42,678 Oh... God! 407 00:14:42,679 --> 00:14:43,729 Tanaka. 408 00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:45,295 Tanaka. 409 00:14:45,732 --> 00:14:48,454 I can't break up with Whitney. No, I... 410 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,257 Have you seen her? She's... she's... 411 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:52,375 she's... she's... 412 00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:54,843 everything I've ever wanted. 413 00:14:56,130 --> 00:14:57,764 Okay. 414 00:14:57,765 --> 00:15:00,633 - She make you happy? - Sh... 415 00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:03,970 Being with her makes me feel better about myself. 416 00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,721 But just because 417 00:15:05,722 --> 00:15:08,724 she is kind of perfect... 418 00:15:08,725 --> 00:15:12,395 doesn't mean she's perfect for you. 419 00:15:17,256 --> 00:15:20,453 Do you remember, in seventh grade, when you begged... 420 00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:23,206 for a FUBU jacket for Hanukkah? 421 00:15:23,208 --> 00:15:25,659 - My God. 422 00:15:25,659 --> 00:15:27,743 You loved that thing, you remember? 423 00:15:27,744 --> 00:15:29,295 It was shiny... 424 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,297 and it had these big puffy sleeves 425 00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:32,965 with the racer stripe down them. 426 00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,167 - Yep. - You wore it, 427 00:15:34,168 --> 00:15:35,401 - like, every day. - Uh-huh. 428 00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,086 But it didn't fit you. 429 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,270 And eventually, we... 430 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,573 you know, we had to give it to Goodwill. 431 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,158 Which you cried about for... 432 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:44,660 a long time. 433 00:15:44,661 --> 00:15:46,779 - Yeah, I-I know. - Then we got you 434 00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,248 - that Lands' End jacket. - Mm-hmm. 435 00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:51,617 And it... it was a great fit. 436 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:54,920 Someday you're gonna find your... 437 00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,872 Lands' End lady. 438 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,093 Tanaka says he's really sorry 439 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,294 about what happened. 440 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,378 That's, that's nice of him. 441 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,264 How's your cheek? 442 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:08,050 Um... not-not so bad. Ooh. 443 00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:10,654 How's his penis? 444 00:16:10,656 --> 00:16:11,656 It's really swollen. 445 00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:12,970 Aw, that's too bad. 446 00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:15,257 Josh, what's been going on with you? 447 00:16:15,258 --> 00:16:16,725 You've been acting so weird. 448 00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:17,926 Yeah, I, uh... 449 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,932 Forgive me, Whitney, I'm sorry, uh, 450 00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:25,184 but we-we-we need, we need to-to break up. 451 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,852 - No, but... - Yeah. 452 00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,938 - I-I can't handle it. - Really? 453 00:16:28,939 --> 00:16:30,322 I... wait... I'm sorry. 454 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,774 We, we need, we need to break up. 455 00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:39,498 Just because she's kind of perfect 456 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:43,002 doesn't mean she's perfect for you... for you... 457 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,920 Gaylord, I could not have been more wrong on that one. 458 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,840 You're clearly some kind of straightlord... straightlord... 459 00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:50,543 Holà, Yosh! ¿Que pasa? ¿Que pasa? 460 00:16:50,544 --> 00:16:51,961 That's the hottest chick I've ever seen. 461 00:16:51,962 --> 00:16:53,762 That's the hottest chick I've ever seen. 462 00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,047 You're living the dream. You're living the dream. 463 00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:55,931 You know what? 464 00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:56,932 Put a pin in that. 465 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,851 I was... so wrong. 466 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,387 I am... I was an insecure idiot. 467 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,722 I am so... so very sorry. 468 00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:04,890 Can we just... 469 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,025 Just, please take me back. 470 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,061 Josh, I'm really happy to hear that. 471 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:10,029 - Thank you. - Good, good. 472 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,230 But I'm engaged now. 473 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,366 - What? - I'm engaged. See? 474 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,402 We broke up ten seconds ago. 475 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,954 And it was the hardest ten seconds of my life. 476 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,873 I was in a really bad place. 477 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,241 But I did some soul searching, 478 00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,709 and eventually, I had to move on. 479 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:24,994 Right, okay. 480 00:17:24,995 --> 00:17:27,746 I'm just trying to do the... the math, figure out the chronology. 481 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,583 I literally walked... just over there. 482 00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:32,885 - Hey, babe. Who's this? - What? Oh... 483 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,471 Hey, Roger. This is my old boyfriend Josh. 484 00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:38,007 Josh, this is Roger, my fiancé. 485 00:17:38,008 --> 00:17:39,642 Josh! I've heard a lot about you! 486 00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:40,643 Oh. 487 00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:43,429 The shipping industry sounds absolutely fantastic. 488 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,064 Oh, no, honey, that was Nico, my boyfriend after Josh. 489 00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,181 Josh was the temp. 490 00:17:46,182 --> 00:17:47,600 - There was another guy? - Mm-hmm. 491 00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:49,818 Dear, um, can... can I have a word? 492 00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,936 Sure. 493 00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,271 What is it? 494 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:55,658 It's-it's this guy, uh, Josh, um... 495 00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:57,076 I think he's into you. 496 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,494 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 497 00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,279 He and I are ancient history. 498 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,115 The guy just makes me feel really uncomfortable. 499 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:06,785 Well... I think you're being paranoid. 500 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:11,709 But, if it bothers you, I'll never talk to him again. 501 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,841 Thanks, babe. 502 00:18:17,213 --> 00:18:19,381 - Hi. - Hi. 503 00:18:19,382 --> 00:18:21,133 So, I don't think we should hang out anymore. 504 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,135 - I hope you understand. - Oh, yeah. 505 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,637 - Bye. - Bye. 506 00:18:24,638 --> 00:18:26,722 Good-bye. 507 00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:28,189 Dude... dude. 508 00:18:35,424 --> 00:18:37,259 Yeah, I guess, uh... 509 00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:39,192 girls like that don't stay on the market for too long. 510 00:18:39,194 --> 00:18:40,661 Mm-hmm. Tanaka. 511 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,447 It... it really does suck. 512 00:18:42,448 --> 00:18:43,498 Tanaka. 513 00:18:43,499 --> 00:18:45,950 Mm! 514 00:18:45,951 --> 00:18:47,502 Just tell me, you... 515 00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:48,953 Tanaka? 516 00:18:48,954 --> 00:18:51,038 You were hitting on here, right? 517 00:18:51,039 --> 00:18:53,257 I mean, I was-I was-I wasn't just making that up, was I? 518 00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:56,677 Tanaka, naka, naka. 519 00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,212 I knew it. 520 00:18:58,213 --> 00:18:59,514 I knew it! 521 00:18:59,515 --> 00:19:00,798 Tanaka. 522 00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:03,800 Pals. 523 00:19:10,948 --> 00:19:13,472 - Good-bye, son. - Bye, mom. Bye, dad. 524 00:19:13,474 --> 00:19:14,918 It's a new day for Cupid. 525 00:19:14,919 --> 00:19:16,919 It's a new day for love. 526 00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:19,693 Can you help me do the wings? 'Cause... 527 00:19:20,919 --> 00:19:22,199 Okay... Hey, could somebody help me? 528 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,200 Hey, Hey, one of you dudes, can you help me... just...? 529 00:19:24,201 --> 00:19:26,201 Get well soon. 530 00:19:26,202 --> 00:19:29,840 _ 531 00:19:29,841 --> 00:19:34,871 _ 532 00:19:36,372 --> 00:19:39,324 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com