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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,335 --> 00:00:07,604
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,638 --> 00:00:11,174
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 12x05 ♪
Boopa-dee Bappa-dee
Original Air Date on November 17, 2013
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00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:35,164
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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Good afternoon, Quahog.
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Our top story:
price wars are heating up
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00:00:38,502 --> 00:00:40,236
between all of
the major airlines
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00:00:40,271 --> 00:00:42,405
and even a couple of
the little crashy ones.
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00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:44,173
We now go live
to Tricia Takanawa
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00:00:44,208 --> 00:00:45,541
with more on the story.
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Tom, I'm standing here at
Boston's Logan Airport,
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00:00:49,146 --> 00:00:51,080
where some of the same
security people
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00:00:51,115 --> 00:00:52,749
who let the terrorists
on the plane
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00:00:52,783 --> 00:00:54,717
are still gainfully employed.
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00:00:54,752 --> 00:00:57,553
With such low fares,
even those who never fly
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00:00:57,588 --> 00:01:00,323
are lining up
to buy tickets.
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00:01:00,357 --> 00:01:01,524
Early reports suggest
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00:01:01,558 --> 00:01:03,593
that this could be
the most profitable day
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00:01:03,627 --> 00:01:06,329
for airlines in
the last two decades.
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00:01:06,363 --> 00:01:07,630
I'm Tricia Takanawa.
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00:01:07,665 --> 00:01:08,765
Back to you, Tom.
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00:01:08,799 --> 00:01:09,799
Hi, Mom.
30
00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:11,567
Hi, Joe.
31
00:01:11,602 --> 00:01:13,369
Wow, Peter,
did you hear that?
32
00:01:13,404 --> 00:01:14,404
Low airfares.
33
00:01:14,438 --> 00:01:15,805
Why don't we
take a trip?
34
00:01:15,839 --> 00:01:17,707
We never go
anywhere anymore.
35
00:01:17,741 --> 00:01:18,708
We're gettin' stagnant.
36
00:01:18,742 --> 00:01:19,709
What are you
talking about?
37
00:01:19,743 --> 00:01:20,710
We go places.
38
00:01:20,744 --> 00:01:22,845
We took that helicopter
tour of Tucson.
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00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,814
Wow. I've never seen
so many boats
40
00:01:24,848 --> 00:01:26,683
not near bodies of water.
41
00:01:26,717 --> 00:01:28,818
That park is all concrete.
42
00:01:28,852 --> 00:01:31,721
Look, there's a dog
tied to a other dog.
43
00:01:31,755 --> 00:01:34,157
I think that guy with
long hair is a lawyer.
44
00:01:34,191 --> 00:01:37,627
Look at all those students
running for their lives.
45
00:01:37,661 --> 00:01:39,829
Oh, there's
the concrete park again.
46
00:01:39,863 --> 00:01:42,298
Peter, I'm talking
about real travel.
47
00:01:42,333 --> 00:01:44,467
We can finally afford
to go somewhere good.
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00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:45,835
Joe and Bonnie
went to Europe
49
00:01:45,869 --> 00:01:47,437
and had the time
of their lives.
50
00:01:47,471 --> 00:01:49,739
Hey, I know a place
you can go, Lois: Hell.
51
00:01:49,773 --> 00:01:51,674
There, I said it.
Now shut your mouth.
52
00:01:51,709 --> 00:01:53,076
Lois, I hate travelling.
53
00:01:53,110 --> 00:01:55,111
Besides, my passport
picture is awful.
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00:01:58,182 --> 00:02:00,383
Ugh, you look like
a human cigarette.
55
00:02:00,417 --> 00:02:02,118
But it's not just
about you, Peter.
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00:02:02,152 --> 00:02:03,286
Think about the family.
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00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,655
It would be an amazing
experience for the kids.
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00:02:05,689 --> 00:02:07,390
It would give them
some culture.
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00:02:07,424 --> 00:02:09,325
Lois, the kids can get
all the culture they need
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00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,560
right here in Quahog.
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00:02:10,594 --> 00:02:11,561
Really?
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00:02:11,595 --> 00:02:12,829
More culture
than Europe?
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00:02:12,863 --> 00:02:14,697
That's right, and I'm
gonna prove it to you.
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00:02:14,732 --> 00:02:16,566
I got more culture
in my pinkie toe
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00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,001
than all of Europe
put together.
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00:02:33,017 --> 00:02:34,250
Oh, my God!
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00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:37,420
I got ringworm, too,
but it's not classy like this.
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00:02:39,957 --> 00:02:42,892
Okay, kids, now this is
the Quahog Museum of Science.
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00:02:42,926 --> 00:02:46,496
A magical place
of cultural exploration.
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00:02:57,107 --> 00:02:58,775
That sucked.
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00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:02,345
Now, one thing that
makes us more cultured
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00:03:02,379 --> 00:03:05,014
than our European counterparts
is high school football.
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00:03:05,049 --> 00:03:07,250
Then why are we standing here
in the parking lot?
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00:03:07,284 --> 00:03:08,951
Because sometimes
your team loses,
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00:03:08,986 --> 00:03:10,453
and you have to
beat up the ref.
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00:03:12,456 --> 00:03:14,023
What part
of Eatonville you from, huh?
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00:03:14,058 --> 00:03:15,858
What part of Eatonville
you from?
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00:03:15,893 --> 00:03:17,427
Ow! West Eatonville.
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00:03:17,461 --> 00:03:18,461
Oh, really?
West Eatonville?
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00:03:18,495 --> 00:03:19,762
Do you know Bob Hanley?
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00:03:19,797 --> 00:03:21,597
I'm Bob Hanley.
No kidding!
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00:03:21,632 --> 00:03:23,132
Bob, it's me, Peter Griffin.
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00:03:23,167 --> 00:03:24,967
Oh, my God,
how the hell are you?
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00:03:25,002 --> 00:03:26,803
I'm doing great.
I'm doing great.
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00:03:26,837 --> 00:03:28,004
Well, hey, oh, listen.
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00:03:28,038 --> 00:03:29,205
I was really sorry
to hear about your dad.
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00:03:29,239 --> 00:03:30,640
Oh, that means a lot.
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00:03:30,674 --> 00:03:32,708
Yeah, I'm sorry
I couldn't make it to the wake.
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00:03:32,743 --> 00:03:33,876
I was out of town.
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00:03:33,911 --> 00:03:35,344
It's okay.
Thanks for the flowers.
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00:03:35,379 --> 00:03:36,779
Oh, it's the least I could do.
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00:03:36,814 --> 00:03:37,914
Hey, Chris, get over here.
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00:03:37,948 --> 00:03:40,216
You got to meet
my buddy Bob Hanley.
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00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:42,452
Hi, Mr. Hanley.
I'm Chris.
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00:03:42,486 --> 00:03:45,555
I heard a lot about you, sir.
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00:03:48,659 --> 00:03:51,394
We now return
to Downton Syndrome.
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00:03:51,428 --> 00:03:53,729
Well, if I must accept
your proposal in order
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00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:56,199
to break the entail
and save my family's estate,
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00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:58,668
then yes, I will marry you.
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00:03:58,702 --> 00:04:00,470
Yay!
101
00:04:00,504 --> 00:04:03,005
Everyone,
I've got a surprise.
102
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,808
Whoa!
I did not see that coming.
103
00:04:05,843 --> 00:04:07,677
No, Chris,
I haven't said it yet.
104
00:04:07,711 --> 00:04:09,846
Today was the last day
of the low airfares,
105
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:13,082
and I couldn't let
the opportunity pass, so...
106
00:04:13,117 --> 00:04:15,418
I got us tickets to Italy!
107
00:04:15,452 --> 00:04:16,853
That's amazing, Mom!
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00:04:16,887 --> 00:04:18,287
Lois, is Peter
okay with this?
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00:04:18,322 --> 00:04:21,357
Well, Brian, I haven't
quite told him yet.
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00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:22,658
But what if he says no?
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00:04:22,693 --> 00:04:24,227
He can't say no.
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00:04:24,261 --> 00:04:25,695
I already
bought the tickets.
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00:04:25,729 --> 00:04:26,696
Tickets for what?
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00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:27,763
Uh, uh...
115
00:04:27,798 --> 00:04:30,299
tickets for the, um,
the grand opening
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00:04:30,334 --> 00:04:33,469
of the biggest water park
in all of Rhode Island.
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00:04:33,504 --> 00:04:35,338
Hmm, well, pardon
my skepticism, Lois,
118
00:04:35,372 --> 00:04:37,406
but I didn't read
about this in the latest issue
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00:04:37,441 --> 00:04:39,509
of Water Park Enthusiast Weekly.
120
00:04:39,543 --> 00:04:42,879
Well, they-they had
to, um, keep it secret.
121
00:04:42,913 --> 00:04:45,414
For fear that, um...
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00:04:45,449 --> 00:04:46,916
th-that this new park would put
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00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:49,152
all other water parks
out of business.
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00:04:49,186 --> 00:04:50,453
Typical Big Water.
125
00:04:50,487 --> 00:04:52,155
Always keeping the
public in the dark.
126
00:04:52,189 --> 00:04:54,390
So this one's bigger
than Raging Waters?
127
00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:56,125
Yeah, Dad.
It's way bigger.
128
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,326
How does the boy know?
129
00:04:57,361 --> 00:04:58,661
Uh, because I-I told him.
130
00:04:58,695 --> 00:05:00,863
I-I know someone who-who helped,
uh, build it.
131
00:05:00,898 --> 00:05:03,199
Wow, so we really got an
inside track on this thing.
132
00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:05,234
But it can't be bigger
than Six Flags Atlantis.
133
00:05:05,269 --> 00:05:07,336
Oh, it is, Peter, it is.
134
00:05:07,371 --> 00:05:08,538
Because...
135
00:05:08,572 --> 00:05:11,407
it's Seven Flags Atlantis.
136
00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:14,010
That's a whole flag
more of water!
137
00:05:14,044 --> 00:05:15,211
Get in the car!
138
00:05:15,245 --> 00:05:17,380
Okay, everyone,
put the sunblock on now,
139
00:05:17,414 --> 00:05:19,415
so when we get off the plane,
we go right to the park.
140
00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,150
Wait, why are we on a plane?
141
00:05:21,185 --> 00:05:23,586
Uh, you-you want to beat the
lines, don't you, Peter?
142
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:24,887
All-all right, Brian, enough.
143
00:05:24,922 --> 00:05:27,056
I-I can't
do this anymore.
144
00:05:27,090 --> 00:05:29,425
Peter, we're not
going to a water park.
145
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,060
We're going to Italy.
146
00:05:31,094 --> 00:05:33,629
What?! But what about
Seven Flags Atlantis?
147
00:05:33,664 --> 00:05:35,031
Peter, don't be silly.
148
00:05:35,065 --> 00:05:36,899
Th-There's no such place.
149
00:05:36,934 --> 00:05:38,267
This is your captain speaking.
150
00:05:38,302 --> 00:05:40,369
If you look out the left side
of the airplane,
151
00:05:40,404 --> 00:05:43,105
you'll see the very popular
Seven Flags Atlantis.
152
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:44,941
Aw!
153
00:05:48,412 --> 00:05:50,379
I'm gonna go ahead
and turn off the seatbelt sign,
154
00:05:50,414 --> 00:05:54,183
so you idiots can all stretch
and let the fart festival begin.
155
00:05:54,218 --> 00:05:55,885
Why are you such
a dick, Jim?
156
00:05:55,919 --> 00:05:58,354
I'm just mad
about pilot stuff.
157
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,081
I can't believe you tricked
me into going to Italy.
158
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,417
Peter, our family could use
a trip like this.
159
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,053
Plus, it might be good
for you and me, too.
160
00:06:11,087 --> 00:06:14,189
It's the most romantic country
in the whole world.
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00:06:14,224 --> 00:06:16,692
And God knows we could use a
little romance in our marriage.
162
00:06:16,726 --> 00:06:17,960
What are you talking about?
163
00:06:17,994 --> 00:06:20,062
Just the other night
we did that role-playing.
164
00:06:20,096 --> 00:06:23,499
Did you like that game of
mysterious intruder, Lois?
165
00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:25,301
I told you--
I don't know who you are.
166
00:06:25,335 --> 00:06:27,102
And my name isn't Lois.
167
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,504
Mine is.
168
00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:30,439
Let's do it again.
169
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,548
Is it true there's
no drinking age here?
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00:06:39,582 --> 00:06:41,317
And they serve wine
at every meal?
171
00:06:41,351 --> 00:06:44,053
Oh, Meg, nobody
likes a drunky-chunky.
172
00:06:44,087 --> 00:06:47,356
In college, a lot of guys
are gonna make you a dare.
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00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:50,926
Hey, you know what, guys?
We're six hours ahead here.
174
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,761
I'm gonna call Joe
and tell him the future.
175
00:06:54,431 --> 00:06:56,665
Hey, Joe, guess
what's about to happen?
176
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:57,733
Who is this?
177
00:06:57,767 --> 00:06:58,734
It's Peter.
178
00:06:58,768 --> 00:06:59,768
That's impossible.
179
00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:01,603
Peter died six hours ago.
180
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:03,772
We can't go back.
181
00:07:13,283 --> 00:07:15,150
Look, kids,
this is the Forum,
182
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,685
where the ancient Romans
used to have
183
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,487
their famous
political debates.
184
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,223
And this is the Penthouse Forum,
where dirtbags write letters
185
00:07:21,257 --> 00:07:23,325
about boning in the
back of grocery stores.
186
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,440
Well, who wants to see where
the ancients established
187
00:07:25,462 --> 00:07:27,896
the foundation of
our American democracy?
188
00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:30,132
And who wants to hear
a story about a girl
189
00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,926
who moved to New York
without any underpants?
190
00:07:33,269 --> 00:07:34,570
I don't know
why we even go places.
191
00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:36,805
We always just end up
reading pornography.
192
00:07:40,176 --> 00:07:42,978
We now return
to Italian Star Trek.
193
00:07:43,012 --> 00:07:45,180
I know I supposed
to be-a so logical,
194
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:48,283
but I get-a so steaming a-mad!
195
00:07:48,318 --> 00:07:51,520
Peter, the kids are going
to the Italian circus,
196
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,889
so I thought
it might be romantic
197
00:07:53,923 --> 00:07:56,191
if we watched the sunset
from St. Peter's Basilica.
198
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,266
You go ahead, I'm gonna stay
here and get frustrated
199
00:07:58,294 --> 00:08:01,230
with this nonresponsive
hotel TV remote.
200
00:08:01,264 --> 00:08:03,499
Come on! Guide!
201
00:08:03,533 --> 00:08:05,534
I'm pressing "Guide"!
202
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:10,139
Stupid remote's
not doing anything!
203
00:08:14,544 --> 00:08:16,311
Stop what you're doing!
204
00:08:16,346 --> 00:08:18,280
Peter, you can't just
sit in front of the TV
205
00:08:18,314 --> 00:08:19,615
the entire vacation.
206
00:08:19,649 --> 00:08:21,183
You know, I'm really getting
tired of you being
207
00:08:21,217 --> 00:08:22,951
such a complete
stick-in-the-mud.
208
00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:24,553
Is that some kind
of gay slur?
209
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,188
I can't believe it's
too much for you
210
00:08:26,222 --> 00:08:27,623
to watch a sunset
with your wife
211
00:08:27,657 --> 00:08:29,691
in one of the most romantic
cities in the world!
212
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:30,826
But, you know what?
213
00:08:30,860 --> 00:08:32,060
It's probably for the best.
214
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:33,896
Because you'd just
complain about it!
215
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,531
Well, what do you expect, Lois?
I didn't want to come here
216
00:08:35,565 --> 00:08:37,800
he first place.
I'd rather be back home.
217
00:08:37,834 --> 00:08:40,402
You know, I could be
riding seesaw with Joe.
218
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,438
Yay!
219
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:45,841
Well, I guess we're stuck.
220
00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:48,210
Hang on.
Let me empty this bag.
221
00:08:48,244 --> 00:08:50,479
Yay, gross.
222
00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:52,414
Fine, you just sit
here on the couch.
223
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:55,551
I'll go enjoy
Italy without you!
224
00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:59,121
God, what the hell's
her problem?
225
00:08:59,155 --> 00:09:00,556
You know, sometimes
I think you forget
226
00:09:00,590 --> 00:09:01,957
how lucky you
are to have Lois.
227
00:09:01,991 --> 00:09:04,560
Otherwise, you wouldn't be
acting like such a jerk.
228
00:09:04,594 --> 00:09:06,128
Oh, I'm getting it
from you now?
229
00:09:06,162 --> 00:09:07,296
Don't worry about Lois.
230
00:09:07,330 --> 00:09:08,931
She's an American woman
in Italy.
231
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,499
She'll go out,
kill her roommate
232
00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:12,468
during a sex game,
and then she'll be fine.
233
00:09:12,502 --> 00:09:14,169
She might come back
even hotter.
234
00:09:14,204 --> 00:09:15,904
Well, you might want
to look out there.
235
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,076
What the hell's she doing
with that Italian guy?
236
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:26,014
Hey, guys? Do I got to tip
the gondolier in here?
237
00:09:26,049 --> 00:09:28,750
I, uh, got a little blockage.
238
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:32,654
♪ I break-a the poops up
239
00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:36,558
♪ In-a little chunks...
240
00:09:36,593 --> 00:09:39,761
I wish I had someone special
to share this with.
241
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:42,064
Let me give you a tour
on-a the Vespa.
242
00:09:42,098 --> 00:09:44,233
I show you all-a the things
I do all day
243
00:09:44,267 --> 00:09:46,201
that make-a me smell like this.
244
00:09:46,236 --> 00:09:49,838
Hey, Lois, what the hell's
going on here?
245
00:09:49,873 --> 00:09:51,874
Something you know
nothing about.
246
00:09:53,743 --> 00:09:55,377
Oh, man, she really is upset.
247
00:09:55,411 --> 00:09:58,080
Having lady
problems, are you, pal?
248
00:09:58,114 --> 00:09:59,181
Dean Martin?!
249
00:09:59,215 --> 00:10:00,282
What are you doing here?
250
00:10:00,316 --> 00:10:02,317
I thought you were dead.
Well, paisan,
251
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:05,687
as long as love is
alive in Italy, so am I.
252
00:10:05,722 --> 00:10:08,123
Now, look, buddy, there's
a million ways to lose a gal,
253
00:10:08,157 --> 00:10:10,626
but there's only one sure way
to get her back.
254
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:13,128
Turn on the old Italian charm.
255
00:10:13,162 --> 00:10:14,396
But I'm not Italian.
256
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:16,031
Well, you're in Italy,
ain't you?
257
00:10:16,065 --> 00:10:18,467
I think so, I-I haven't
been paying attention.
258
00:10:18,501 --> 00:10:19,835
Now, if you'll excuse me,
259
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:23,805
I'm gonna ride this rigatoni
into the sky.
260
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,008
♪ Volare ♪
261
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,477
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
262
00:10:30,113 --> 00:10:33,048
♪ Cantare ♪
263
00:10:33,082 --> 00:10:36,451
♪ Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho...
264
00:10:36,486 --> 00:10:40,088
♪ Let's fly way up
to the clouds... ♪
265
00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:43,091
Dean, wait!
266
00:10:45,995 --> 00:10:47,296
Hey! Get away from him!
267
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:48,764
Peter, you okay?
268
00:10:48,798 --> 00:10:51,133
Brian? What happened?
269
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:52,534
I was watching you
from the window.
270
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,102
When Lois pulled away
on that motorcycle,
271
00:10:54,137 --> 00:10:56,204
you laid down on the ground
and went to sleep.
272
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:57,873
Well, I'm awake
now, Brian.
273
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,775
And I know what
I've got to do.
274
00:10:59,809 --> 00:11:00,943
Well, before you
do anything,
275
00:11:00,977 --> 00:11:02,444
for God's sake,
put some clothes on.
276
00:11:02,478 --> 00:11:03,579
Brian, calm down.
277
00:11:03,613 --> 00:11:05,847
In some countries,
this is a compliment.
278
00:11:06,849 --> 00:11:08,116
Mmm.
279
00:11:08,151 --> 00:11:09,184
Mmmm!
280
00:11:09,218 --> 00:11:11,920
Oh, my goodness! Mmm-mm!
281
00:11:11,955 --> 00:11:13,822
Oh, please, come on.
282
00:11:13,856 --> 00:11:16,892
Is just something
I threw together.
283
00:11:20,630 --> 00:11:21,863
What the hell?
284
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,665
Mi amore!
285
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:27,069
I am here to put you on a
pedestal with Italian romance.
286
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,806
Look, Peter, showing up here
in that stupid costume
287
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,341
isn't going to win me over.
288
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:35,277
That's because you lack
the passion of true Italian.
289
00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:37,412
Mi amore!
290
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,214
Peter, stop it.
291
00:11:39,248 --> 00:11:41,149
Speak with your heart,
not your mouth.
292
00:11:41,184 --> 00:11:43,285
Ugh, damn it, Peter!
293
00:11:43,319 --> 00:11:45,020
You mean "Pietro."
294
00:11:46,422 --> 00:11:47,756
Well, by the laws
of Italy,
295
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,392
I must now kiss
myself passionately.
296
00:11:53,062 --> 00:11:54,563
Peter, are you
all right?
297
00:11:54,597 --> 00:11:56,098
Are you kidding?
I'm great!
298
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,633
♪ Bouncing around Italia
299
00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,534
♪ 'Cause I'm a little ball
300
00:11:59,569 --> 00:12:03,005
♪ I can fit wherever,
'cause I am really small ♪
301
00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:06,241
And now, the next scene.
302
00:12:08,778 --> 00:12:10,746
Peter, put me down!
303
00:12:10,780 --> 00:12:12,047
Lois, to prove my love,
304
00:12:12,081 --> 00:12:14,416
I have convinced
20,000 soccer fans
305
00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:17,686
to hold up a romantic
message just for you.
306
00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:21,857
Peter!
307
00:12:21,891 --> 00:12:22,891
Oh, they missed a letter.
308
00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:34,770
Okay, I'll admit it--
this is pretty romantic.
309
00:12:34,804 --> 00:12:36,371
Listen, Lois.
310
00:12:36,406 --> 00:12:38,607
I'm sorry for being
such a jerk, all right?
311
00:12:38,641 --> 00:12:40,375
I love you.
312
00:12:42,412 --> 00:12:44,846
I want to have your baby.
313
00:12:44,881 --> 00:12:47,516
Peter, not on a boat.
314
00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:48,884
Peter...
315
00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:50,585
Oh, Peter...
316
00:12:50,620 --> 00:12:52,421
Come on, Lois, I got
a ninety-percenter going.
317
00:12:52,422 --> 00:12:54,756
It could go either way.
Let's start making choices.
318
00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:56,692
Oh, Peter...
319
00:12:56,726 --> 00:12:58,660
I love you.
320
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,996
I love you, too.
321
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,874
Wow, Peter, last night was
the best sex I've ever had.
322
00:13:12,909 --> 00:13:14,843
Me, too.
323
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,678
We haven't done it like that
since we were engaged
324
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:19,848
but allowed to sleep
with other people.
325
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,517
The point is, Italy is the best
thing that ever happened to us.
326
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,586
I know, it's been
wonderful.
327
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:26,321
I wish we never
had to leave.
328
00:13:26,355 --> 00:13:28,790
Well, then, let's not.
Let's live here.
329
00:13:28,825 --> 00:13:30,459
What? Peter, but...
330
00:13:30,493 --> 00:13:32,928
but we've built a life
back in Quahog.
331
00:13:32,962 --> 00:13:34,296
Yeah, but you
were right, Lois,
332
00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:35,997
we were stagnating
back home.
333
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:38,333
Let's start a new life,
right here in Italy.
334
00:13:41,838 --> 00:13:43,638
Peter, those were our passports!
335
00:13:43,673 --> 00:13:44,806
We don't need them anymore.
336
00:13:44,841 --> 00:13:46,942
Kids, I got an announcement.
337
00:13:46,976 --> 00:13:48,376
He's wearing
a rubber.
338
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,812
We're staying in Italy.
We're Italian now.
339
00:13:50,847 --> 00:13:52,147
What?!
Are you kidding?!
340
00:13:52,181 --> 00:13:53,482
Well, if we're
going to be Italian,
341
00:13:53,516 --> 00:13:55,717
I guess we should start
murdering our brothers.
342
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,553
What are you...?
343
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:00,388
You break-a
my heart, Chris.
344
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,857
You break-a my heart.
345
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,961
Hey, Peter,
what's-a you rush?
346
00:14:14,995 --> 00:14:17,564
I got-a the most beautiful woman
in the world at home,
347
00:14:17,598 --> 00:14:19,399
and I no wanna keep her waiting.
348
00:14:19,433 --> 00:14:22,068
Hey, Vincenzo,
play me a tune, huh?
349
00:14:24,505 --> 00:14:27,740
Oh, Vincenzo!
Insalata Caprese!
350
00:14:30,811 --> 00:14:32,545
Ah, Italy.
351
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:33,913
It 9:00 a.m.
352
00:14:33,948 --> 00:14:36,015
and I've already kissed
eight guys twice.
353
00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:37,951
Why-a you looking
at other babies, huh?
354
00:14:37,985 --> 00:14:40,053
Why you make-a me
do that, Ruperto?
355
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:41,221
I no wanna do that!
356
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,555
Peter, I know you
love it here,
357
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:43,990
but riding your
bike around town
358
00:14:44,024 --> 00:14:45,158
isn't paying the bills,
359
00:14:45,192 --> 00:14:46,860
and the kids aren't
learning anything
360
00:14:46,894 --> 00:14:48,628
at that Italian school.
361
00:14:48,662 --> 00:14:50,463
Look at these
big ones, huh?
362
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:51,798
Rut-ta-ta ta-ta,
363
00:14:51,832 --> 00:14:54,534
rut-ta-ta ta-ta,
rut-ta-ta ta-ta!
364
00:14:54,568 --> 00:14:55,802
Is this calculus?
365
00:14:55,836 --> 00:14:56,970
I don't know.
366
00:14:57,004 --> 00:14:59,139
Rut-ta-ta ta-ta!
367
00:14:59,173 --> 00:15:00,406
I think maybe it's time
368
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,642
to go back to our
real home in Quahog.
369
00:15:02,676 --> 00:15:04,244
But I thought
you loved Italy.
370
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,645
And Italian Peter.
371
00:15:05,679 --> 00:15:07,247
And Southern
Italian Peter.
372
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,882
Olive oil!
373
00:15:08,916 --> 00:15:11,818
I do, but I love
American Peter even more.
374
00:15:11,852 --> 00:15:12,986
Lois is right.
375
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:14,354
We're barely
surviving here.
376
00:15:14,388 --> 00:15:15,889
I mean, you have to give
most of what you earn
377
00:15:15,923 --> 00:15:18,625
to the mafia that
terrorizes this village.
378
00:15:54,528 --> 00:15:57,163
Peter, I think it's time
we all go back home.
379
00:15:57,198 --> 00:15:58,598
Of course we have to leave
380
00:15:58,632 --> 00:16:00,700
as soon as I get
an Italian boyfriend.
381
00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:01,768
You know, I still
don't understand
382
00:16:01,802 --> 00:16:03,069
what he does for a living.
383
00:16:03,103 --> 00:16:05,438
He gathers coins from the air
by jumping on mushrooms.
384
00:16:05,472 --> 00:16:07,240
What's so hard to understand?!
385
00:16:08,642 --> 00:16:10,343
Hey, Meg, let's go-a
two-player!
386
00:16:10,377 --> 00:16:12,011
I got-a Luigi
here, huh?
387
00:16:12,046 --> 00:16:13,079
Hey, Meg-a!
388
00:16:13,113 --> 00:16:16,249
Mario said-a you were
into-a weird-a stuff.
389
00:16:19,653 --> 00:16:21,087
So, you see, Mr. Consulate,
390
00:16:21,121 --> 00:16:23,289
all we want to do is get back
to our home in America.
391
00:16:23,324 --> 00:16:25,458
So, can we have
our new passports now?
392
00:16:25,492 --> 00:16:27,360
Mr. Griffin, it's not
as simple as that.
393
00:16:27,394 --> 00:16:29,462
Your family must take
a citizenship test
394
00:16:29,496 --> 00:16:30,997
and go through
the immigration process
395
00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:32,665
like any other
foreigner.
396
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,767
Foreigner?
We're not foreigners.
397
00:16:34,802 --> 00:16:35,802
Sorry, Mrs. Griffin.
398
00:16:35,836 --> 00:16:37,570
Not only did you
destroy your passports,
399
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:39,505
you renounced our citizenship.
400
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,640
When did we do that?
401
00:16:40,674 --> 00:16:41,708
Oh, I did that
402
00:16:41,742 --> 00:16:43,176
on the Italian social
networking site,
403
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,811
"Shut-up-a-you-facebook."
404
00:16:54,955 --> 00:16:56,889
All right, Meg, part of
being an American citizen
405
00:16:56,924 --> 00:17:00,159
is having an opinion on certain
hot-button political issues.
406
00:17:00,194 --> 00:17:02,528
Now, what is your
abortion stance?
407
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:05,164
It's pretty much this.
408
00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:08,501
Now, if you will,
please sing
409
00:17:08,535 --> 00:17:10,937
the national anthem
of the United States.
410
00:17:10,971 --> 00:17:14,140
♪ O say can you see
411
00:17:14,174 --> 00:17:18,344
♪ By the dawn's early light
412
00:17:18,379 --> 00:17:21,614
♪ What so proudly we hailed
413
00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:25,118
♪ At the twilight's
last gleaming ♪
414
00:17:25,152 --> 00:17:28,121
♪ And I...
415
00:17:28,155 --> 00:17:29,255
♪ Eee-I...
416
00:17:30,291 --> 00:17:34,861
♪ Will always love you-ooh...
417
00:17:34,895 --> 00:17:37,530
♪ Oh-I-ee-I...
418
00:17:37,564 --> 00:17:39,499
Okay, I've reviewed
your application.
419
00:17:39,533 --> 00:17:40,867
Now, where
you listed employment,
420
00:17:40,901 --> 00:17:42,502
some of you wrote "Family Guy,"
421
00:17:42,536 --> 00:17:44,370
and others wrote
"The Family Guy."
422
00:17:44,405 --> 00:17:45,471
Which one is it?
423
00:17:46,740 --> 00:17:48,675
It's "Family Guy."
424
00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:49,942
All right,
now that you've completed
425
00:17:49,977 --> 00:17:51,110
your initial application,
426
00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:53,065
it will need to be filed
by an immigration lawyer
427
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,082
at a cost of approximately
$5,000 per person.
428
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,817
And assuming
that all goes through,
429
00:17:57,851 --> 00:18:00,987
you should have your
citizenship back in 16 months.
430
00:18:01,021 --> 00:18:02,322
Sixteen months?
431
00:18:02,356 --> 00:18:03,790
If I didn't know any better,
432
00:18:03,824 --> 00:18:05,058
I'd think you were making it
433
00:18:05,092 --> 00:18:06,859
hard to become
a citizen on purpose.
434
00:18:06,894 --> 00:18:09,662
Like you don't want any
immigrants coming to the U.S.
435
00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,097
I wish that were true,
Mrs. Griffin,
436
00:18:11,098 --> 00:18:12,699
and it probably might be.
437
00:18:12,733 --> 00:18:15,535
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go sit on my fat wife.
438
00:18:15,569 --> 00:18:18,738
I'm ready for you,
String Bean!
439
00:18:18,772 --> 00:18:20,506
What a weird guy.
440
00:18:20,541 --> 00:18:21,908
Oh, this is terrible.
441
00:18:21,942 --> 00:18:23,676
Peter, what are
we going to do?
442
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:25,211
I'll tell you what
we're going to do.
443
00:18:25,245 --> 00:18:26,479
We're going
to sneak in.
444
00:18:26,513 --> 00:18:28,181
Well, we better get there soon.
445
00:18:28,215 --> 00:18:31,417
I want to be there for opening
night of Karate Kid 5.
446
00:18:31,452 --> 00:18:33,252
Mr. Miyagi, this is
kind of embarrassing,
447
00:18:33,287 --> 00:18:36,222
but I'm having a problem
with erectile dysfunction.
448
00:18:36,256 --> 00:18:38,424
Aye, Daniel-san.
Miyagi fix.
449
00:19:50,864 --> 00:19:54,000
Well, I'm so glad to finally
be back home in Quahog.
450
00:19:54,034 --> 00:19:55,435
Although,
I will miss Italy.
451
00:19:55,469 --> 00:19:59,071
You made the trip very
special for me, Peter.
452
00:19:59,106 --> 00:20:01,007
Well, thanks for showing
me and the kids
453
00:20:01,041 --> 00:20:02,775
what the rest of
the world is like, Lois.
454
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,710
I think we all learned a lot.
455
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,245
And we met a lot
of great people.
456
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,448
Hey, what about that
couple we met in Amalfi?
457
00:20:08,482 --> 00:20:09,482
Did you get their number?
458
00:20:09,516 --> 00:20:10,516
I did. You ready?
Yup.
459
00:20:10,551 --> 00:20:14,620
Okay, it's
19-565-55018...
460
00:20:14,655 --> 00:20:16,889
81-453...
461
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:18,591
989-90...
462
00:20:18,625 --> 00:20:22,628
016-8945-2.
463
00:20:22,663 --> 00:20:25,031
Well, I can't wait to see the
rest of the world with you guys.
464
00:20:27,901 --> 00:20:29,635
Mario! You came for me!
465
00:20:29,670 --> 00:20:31,537
Come with me, Meg,
my princess.
466
00:20:31,572 --> 00:20:34,740
We gonna take this relationship
to the next level.
467
00:20:41,344 --> 00:20:42,644
Luigi's here again?
468
00:20:43,097 --> 00:20:44,398
I thought that was
a one-time thing.
469
00:20:44,432 --> 00:20:46,517
He like-a my sloppy seconds.
470
00:20:46,518 --> 00:20:47,485
We-a plumber brothers.
471
00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:49,487
We-a not-a high class people.
472
00:20:49,521 --> 00:20:54,521
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man