1
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:05,060
And then, I think I'm going
to go to the garlic festival.
2
00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:07,197
Wow. Sounds like fun.
You guys would love it.
3
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:09,070
No, we wouldn't.
They have a TCBY booth.
4
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,973
Cool. Same stuff you get downtown.
5
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:12,636
Do you like TCBY?
Who doesn't?
6
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:17,911
"I can't believe it's
yogurt." Lt'll be fun.
7
00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:21,283
I confirmed with Raskin Design and they're
expecting the both of you in an hour.
8
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,049
Oh, actually, it's just going to be me.
9
00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:24,750
They said
the both of you.
10
00:00:24,824 --> 00:00:25,984
That's a mistake.
11
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:28,186
You should give them
a call, check that out.
12
00:00:28,261 --> 00:00:30,627
All right,
just clear this up.
13
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,995
Well, there's actually been
a few changes in the company,
14
00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:35,500
and Michael and I are
actually at the same level.
15
00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:37,832
So, I can... No.
16
00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:40,635
No, why would
that be a problem?
17
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,504
Jim's a good kid,
he can handle a lot,
18
00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:46,443
but sometimes you
have to call in a master.
19
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:51,583
Why would you date an amateur
when you could date a professional?
20
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,179
Great. See you then.
21
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:55,619
What?
22
00:00:55,688 --> 00:00:58,714
They said that they would feel
more comfortable if you came along.
23
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,726
Why don't they just want
you to go by yourself?
24
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,228
Why do they want me to come,
too? I don't understand.
25
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,264
I absolutely don't
understand, either.
26
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:09,233
I don't want you to feel like
I'm babysitting you or something.
27
00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:11,637
All right.
All right.
28
00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:14,298
Let me go get your stroller.
29
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:17,473
Sure.
Michael's a good teacher.
30
00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:19,409
A teacher is someone who stands
31
00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:20,912
right next to you
your whole life
32
00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,880
and never lets
you do anything.
33
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:24,814
That's what
a teacher is, right?
34
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:47,231
What are you going to call him? Dave.
35
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,207
No. What is his name? Dave.
36
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,334
Mr. Borchard.
They're very formal.
37
00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:52,810
Yeah. I've spoken
to them on the phone.
38
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:55,347
Yeah, well,
this is not the phone.
39
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:58,816
This is real life, baby,
and you got to own it.
40
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:00,250
Is that what
you are wearing?
41
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,344
Yes, it is.
42
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:04,447
And that is the watch
that you are going to wear?
43
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:07,584
No, it is not. You
should wear this watch.
44
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:08,888
I will loan it to you.
45
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,487
It is a Tankard. I highly
recommend you wear that.
46
00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:13,498
No, thanks.
They are into style.
47
00:02:13,566 --> 00:02:14,555
Mmm-hmm.
48
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,602
They are into appearance.
We are selling success.
49
00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:19,263
And paper.
That's sort of secondary.
50
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,466
Nope. No.
51
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,675
He's trying to
micro co-manage me.
52
00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:28,942
Or co-micromanage me.
53
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,118
Here we are outside of
the Wilkes-Barre... W.B.
54
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:34,619
...lndustrial Park.
Industrial P.
55
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,721
Making cold calls.
56
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:38,552
The two people
with the lowest sales
57
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:39,819
in the quarter
have to do them.
58
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:44,688
Palpabon
Drilling, where are you
59
00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:48,723
Dean Trophies,
suite 100
60
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:52,032
Sherman Blinds & Rugs,
suite 202
61
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,129
Here it is.
62
00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:54,366
Palpabon Drilling
63
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,964
Suite 401.
64
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:57,532
Yeah, I was going
to sing that part.
65
00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:58,736
I know. Now you
don't have to.
66
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:01,006
Well, except it was going
to resolve the melody,
67
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,741
so now my head hurts.
68
00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:04,749
It feels like
I held in a sneeze.
69
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:07,786
I hate this feeling.
70
00:03:09,422 --> 00:03:12,550
Suite 401
71
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,254
All right.
72
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:19,423
Hi. Any messages?
73
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:20,523
You're soaking wet.
74
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,591
Oh, well, Jim and I
got caught in a little
75
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:25,866
flash rain, flash winds,
flash lightning.
76
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,566
Wow. Sounds scary.
77
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:31,132
It was. It was. And then
in an instant, it wasn't.
78
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:32,704
Why isn't Jim wet?
79
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:33,837
I outran it.
80
00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:36,814
I don't think it rained.
My hip would be throbbing.
81
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,817
It rained. Michael,
can I get you something?
82
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,011
A towel, some cocoa?
83
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:41,849
Nothing. Cocoa.
84
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:43,988
I'll just leave that
suit in your office, then?
85
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,025
Good, yeah.
86
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:48,319
Must be nice to have
company on these cold calls.
87
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,919
We're kind of
a dynamic duo.
88
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:52,225
Or trio.
89
00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:55,467
How exciting! Do you
guys know the sex yet?
90
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,434
Oh, no, no.
91
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,007
We're not together. No,
no, no. Definitely not.
92
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,045
Definitely not. No,
we just work together.
93
00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:10,012
Looks like somebody's got
a case of the definitelys.
94
00:04:13,853 --> 00:04:16,913
Michael, the custodian from
Raskin Design is on the line.
95
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,719
He said they found your
keys in the koi pond.
96
00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:20,383
Okay, thank you.
97
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:23,089
Did you say
koi pond?
98
00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:27,695
Yeah? Michael, people
are asking questions.
99
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,133
Okay. Put them on speaker.
100
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:31,397
Hey, guys,
what's going on?
101
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:34,099
Hey, Michael, did you
fall into a koi pond?
102
00:04:34,173 --> 00:04:37,506
I can't really hear you. I think
we have sort of a bad connection.
103
00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:40,205
Jim, did Michael
fall into a koi pond?
104
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,007
It's like Michael said.
It was something else.
105
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:48,212
Okay, this is what it was.
It was these bunch of idiots
106
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:52,725
that had put a fish tank in the
ground with no cover and no railing.
107
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:53,918
So you fell in?
No.
108
00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:56,461
Maybe I was trying to save
a child that had fallen in.
109
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:57,757
So a child
had fallen in?
110
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,024
Not yet.
111
00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:00,429
That is hilarious.
112
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,991
No. Don't. I'm not going to
bump. I'm not going to bump.
113
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:06,732
And it was not hilarious.
It was very, very terrifying.
114
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:10,933
Truthfully, it wasn't
the way he fell in.
115
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:14,537
It was how long it
took him to get out.
116
00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:17,481
And we'd like to offer you
15% off your first purchase
117
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,916
as our way of welcoming
you to the area.
118
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,749
Well, that sounds
like a really nice deal.
119
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:22,845
Sha-bow!
120
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:25,652
And I must say that since
we are a family business,
121
00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:27,317
it's nice to see
that you are, too.
122
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:28,860
Oh!
123
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:32,022
Wow. You thought that...
124
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,658
Oh, my gosh.
Definitely not.
125
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:36,361
My mistake.
I'm sorry.
126
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:37,460
It's okay.
127
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:40,529
Nah, actually,
it's kind of not okay.
128
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,642
I date models.
Face models.
129
00:05:44,143 --> 00:05:48,375
My girlfriend, on a
scale of one-to-Gisele,
130
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,242
a nine.
131
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:52,375
That's good for you.
132
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,886
Anyway, we also have a
special on envelopes...
133
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,149
Pam's carrying
our surrogate
134
00:05:57,223 --> 00:06:01,990
because my girlfriend needed to
keep her figure for Fashion Week.
135
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,725
So, we put
our baby in Pam.
136
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:06,560
It doesn't matter
what Pam looks like.
137
00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:08,657
Yeah.
138
00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:10,965
You were way meaner
to me than I was to you.
139
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,868
No, I wasn't, okay?
140
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,669
The very idea of us together
made you burst out laughing
141
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,711
like you just bit into an Adam
Sandler and jelly sandwich.
142
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,576
You blew the sale,
you idiot!
143
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:23,114
Let me tell you something.
144
00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:25,707
I was never going
to make that sale.
145
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:29,215
Erin, do we have any of those
clips that hold paper together?
146
00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:30,516
Staples?
147
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:34,058
David Wallace called.
148
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,526
Oh, he did?
What did he say?
149
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:37,688
He heard you made a big
splash at the meeting.
150
00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:39,959
Oh, my God, that was so mean what
I just said, and I didn't mean it.
151
00:06:40,032 --> 00:06:41,522
It was Kevin and Meredith
who put me up to it.
152
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:43,626
Okay.
153
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,330
I'm going to kill you.
154
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,236
Michael, don't
listen to them.
155
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:48,295
Thank you, Stanley.
156
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,433
You just ignore
their carping.
157
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,534
Okay.
158
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:52,635
Michael?
Yes.
159
00:06:52,712 --> 00:06:55,374
A carp is both a fish
and a term for complaining.
160
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:56,847
They're mocking you
with word play.
161
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,146
Hey, boss,
did you find Nemo?
162
00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:01,345
I can name
Pixar movies, too.
163
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,855
Toy Story.
Don't you mean Koi Story?
164
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,787
And when you fell in,
did you flounder?
165
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:11,195
Michael, flounder is
both a kind of a fish...
166
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,595
I know what a flounder is.
167
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,657
Hey, Michael.
No! No!
168
00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:16,361
No more! That is it!
169
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,199
Everybody in the
conference room, right now!
170
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:21,206
I'm not usually
the butt of the joke.
171
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,071
I'm usually
the face of the joke.
172
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:27,706
I wish Jim had fallen
into that pond.
173
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,407
Then he'd have
to put on my suit,
174
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:32,383
and it would be too
short, and he'd look...
175
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:35,453
Damn it,
he'd still look good.
176
00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:39,180
The most fundamental thing
about sensitivity training
177
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:43,854
is that you cannot make fun of a
person for something or some action
178
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,330
that they have done
that they regret.
179
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:49,526
You can only make fun of things
that they have control over.
180
00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:53,835
Like, Oscar is gay.
That is his choice.
181
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:58,343
We can make fun of that. I did
not choose to fall into a koi pond.
182
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,504
Michael, you still
can't make fun of people
183
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:03,310
for race or gender or sexual
orientation or religion...
184
00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:05,680
Who let the lemonhead
into the room?
185
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:07,582
You are a waste of life
and you should give up.
186
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:12,820
Is what I want to say
but I won't,
187
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:15,861
because that is why we
are doing this right now.
188
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:19,523
So, Toby, welcome to sensitivity
training for real. Show of hands.
189
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:22,892
Who here has
been koi-ponded?
190
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:27,132
Who here has been the butt of
a joke that has gone too far?
191
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:30,369
Phyllis. Michael, you
make fun of us every day.
192
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,240
Yeah. Every single day.
193
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:33,676
You never said anything.
194
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:35,213
We have. Countless times.
195
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:39,342
Well, it is hard to tell the
difference between you guys saying,
196
00:08:39,418 --> 00:08:41,010
"Stop, because
I want you to stop,"
197
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:45,023
or stop as in, "Stop, you're
making me laugh so hard.
198
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,855
"What you're doing is so
funny. You're on a roll.
199
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:49,690
"I am busting
a gut. Stop!"
200
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,153
That's never
been the case.
201
00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:54,563
We are going to make
202
00:08:54,634 --> 00:09:00,595
a Do Not Mock list.
203
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:05,838
Okay? Anything that we think might
be out of bounds, we put on this list.
204
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:09,612
Anything you put on this list,
you cannot be teased about.
205
00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:10,740
Got it?
206
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:12,374
I'm going to kick it off.
207
00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:18,219
Let's see what I have
to put on the list, right?
208
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,622
Okay.
209
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:23,651
I also have fallen into the
fountain at the Steamtown Mall.
210
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,890
You fell into
a second fountain?
211
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,461
Can you kick me
out of the meeting now?
212
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:30,968
Go. Go.
213
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:37,341
Starting today, teasing
will no longer be tolerated.
214
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:40,139
You mean there's
no teasing of any kind?
215
00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:43,648
No, no, no, just things that are on
the list. That is the beauty of it.
216
00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:46,116
Okay, who else? Who
else? Dwight, come on.
217
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:48,085
I don't want people
making fun of my nose.
218
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,621
Your nose?
219
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:51,586
It's too small.
220
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:55,593
The geometric proportions of my face
are perfect in every way but one.
221
00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:58,429
My nose is too small.
222
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:00,488
I mean, it still works.
I can smell things.
223
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:03,763
I just have to be a lot
closer than most people.
224
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:05,629
Oh, my.
That is small.
225
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,332
Just write it
down, please.
226
00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:08,600
Can you
breathe okay?
227
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,266
What keeps your
glasses on?
228
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,742
Hey, it's on the list,
everybody.
229
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:14,109
No, I haven't
finished writing.
230
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:18,480
Did you sneeze it off?
That's it. No more. Okay.
231
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,576
Who else, who else? Everybody's
going to get their chance.
232
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:23,486
I don't want people
making fun of my weight.
233
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,751
Okay, that's too broad. It's
got to be something else.
234
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,986
How about your
stomach? Yeah?
235
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:33,327
Who else? I'm very sensitive
about my petite figure.
236
00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:34,588
Oh, God.
237
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:38,395
I am. I'm afraid of being
thrown around like a football.
238
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,204
Well, you know, Nicole Richie
might think that you are fat.
239
00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:43,002
Does that make
you feel better?
240
00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:44,133
Meredith?
241
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:45,370
I don't want to
say it out loud.
242
00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:48,072
Okay, fine. Come on up
here, write it yourself.
243
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:51,207
And don't sign your name
to it, and nobody look.
244
00:10:52,518 --> 00:10:54,816
Everybody,
look away, look away.
245
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,416
Well, I really didn't want
to put it on the board,
246
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,754
but I thought maybe it was
going to come out somehow.
247
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:02,020
So, what are you
going to do?
248
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,656
Okay.
249
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,429
Some of you
may have noticed
250
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:16,806
I'm in that kind of ill-defined
relationship type of thing.
251
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:18,309
Okay, what do you
want me to write?
252
00:11:18,377 --> 00:11:20,072
Just put Kelly.
Aw!
253
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:21,135
That still going on?
254
00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:22,737
I will claw
your tiny nose off.
255
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:24,248
It's on the list.
256
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,681
Creed, your turn.
257
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:28,117
If I write it down,
I can't be charged with it.
258
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:29,714
No one said that.
259
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:33,353
That is our sales pitch,
and we are sticking to it.
260
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:38,391
Well, you two are quite the
salesmen, and a very cute couple.
261
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,193
Well, it's...
Oh...
262
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:44,502
Thank you.
Thank you.
263
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:48,529
Some couples don't seem like
a good match, but you two do.
264
00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:49,835
Well, you know.
265
00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:52,537
Yeah, you know,
two peas in a pod.
266
00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:54,238
We complete
each other.
267
00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:56,008
What can I say?
She loves to cook...
268
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,709
He loves to eat.
269
00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,445
I love to dance...
270
00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:00,678
I love to watch
him dance.
271
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:03,916
Yeah, right. Sometimes I'll just
dance for hours in the living room.
272
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:05,217
And I'll watch him.
273
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:08,089
And a baby on the way?
You must be so excited.
274
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,650
Mmm.
Yes.
275
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,959
Yeah, we are thrilled.
Mmm-hmm.
276
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,521
In fact, we spent
the whole weekend
277
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:15,863
researching various
birthing coaches.
278
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:16,924
Wasn't that
fun, honey?
279
00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:18,128
It was, sweetie.
Yeah.
280
00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:21,105
Oh, I know the best teacher.
Her name is Miss Janet.
281
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:22,401
Yeah, on Clearview Avenue.
282
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:23,499
Yeah!
283
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,668
Yeah.
284
00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:30,144
This sounds ridiculous, I know, but some
people say that I eat like a squirrel.
285
00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:33,743
So now you're comparing
yourself to a cute, tiny animal?
286
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:35,978
Michael?
Hmm?
287
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:39,650
The custodian called again.
Apparently a koi has died.
288
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:40,817
Oh, man!
289
00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:41,917
It's a fish.
290
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,891
They want you
to pay for it.
291
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:45,555
It could have died of
natural causes, though.
292
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:49,328
Well, they said you stepped
on its head. He did not suffer.
293
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:52,167
When is the funeral?
294
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:54,706
Do not mock, Oscar.
Do not mock.
295
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,605
How much do they want?
$300.
296
00:12:56,675 --> 00:13:00,304
What? No. I could get a
fish for a five-cent worm.
297
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:04,372
You're paying way too much for
worms, man. Who's your worm guy?
298
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,647
Okay, great meeting,
everybody. That's it. No, no.
299
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,053
Thank you. No, we are
not done here. This...
300
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:14,618
One of the baby
books suggests
301
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:18,026
the best birthing posture is
on all fours, like an animal.
302
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:19,724
I just wish I had
a special telephone
303
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,962
so I could find out exactly
what the little soybean wants.
304
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:26,163
Right? Hey, little
soybean. What do you want?
305
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,331
Right? How do...
306
00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:32,907
I felt it kick.
Oh, that's great!
307
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:36,141
Oh, my gosh, like a little
magical foot just high-fived me.
308
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:37,614
Yeah, well,
that'll happen.
309
00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:39,014
Oh, my gosh.
310
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,885
It's like he's trying to say,
"I love you, too, Daddy.
311
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:44,115
"I love you, too."
312
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,317
Sometimes we're so excited,
we forget where we are.
313
00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:49,586
Like at a business meeting.
314
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,521
Message received,
little soybean.
315
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,198
I think you just got to
ride this one out, man.
316
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:56,564
No, Jim, you don't understand.
317
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,728
Things like this
just don't die.
318
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,440
Kids in high school still call
me "Ponytail." No, they don't.
319
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,068
Yes, they do, Jim.
Because of the time
320
00:14:05,144 --> 00:14:07,669
I got my ponytail
stuck in the power drill.
321
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:10,374
Maybe if you make fun of
yourself, it'll all go away.
322
00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:11,711
I want to make fun
of you right now.
323
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:16,221
Really? Do it. I am a
big, stupid goofball.
324
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:18,882
No, don't do that.
You're not stupid.
325
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:21,350
See?
326
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:23,720
Oh, my God.
327
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:29,398
Hey, I just want to say
that I cannot believe
328
00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:31,299
that I walked
into a koi pond.
329
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,565
I mean, seriously,
walk much?
330
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,734
Oh!
331
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:38,902
I should wear a snorkel to the
next business meeting that I go to.
332
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:41,879
Michael, you know, when you think
about it, it's not all your fault.
333
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,812
I mean, who puts
a koi pond in a lobby?
334
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,612
Well,
you know what?
335
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:48,653
You're right, Phyllis,
but I've been there before.
336
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,985
I've seen that pond.
This is the thing,
337
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,956
I am a world-class moron,
is the problem.
338
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:55,585
Michael, please stop it now.
You're embarrassing yourself.
339
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:56,992
It's okay.
We're having fun.
340
00:14:57,062 --> 00:15:00,225
It's actually not the first time
I've been embarrassed by a pond.
341
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,491
In high school,
342
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,503
the girls volleyball team always
used to throw me into the frozen lake.
343
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,334
Four years in a row.
344
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:13,971
It was freezing! No, no,
no. This is even worse.
345
00:15:14,346 --> 00:15:16,837
Couple of weeks ago, I
went to get a new cell phone
346
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,474
and I wanted one
of those packages
347
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:19,744
where you have
the five, you know,
348
00:15:19,818 --> 00:15:21,809
the friends
and family thing?
349
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:23,912
And the guy was like, "Who
are your five friends?"
350
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:26,719
And I'm like...
I didn't even know.
351
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:30,922
I couldn't even think. Oh, my
God, it was so embarrassing.
352
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,920
That was so...
353
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:36,960
I don't even have Jan's cell
phone number, and I hate her.
354
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:41,572
She won't give it to me. I was
like, "I guess I'm a loser."
355
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:45,569
A loser!
356
00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:48,377
Too far! God!
357
00:15:49,815 --> 00:15:52,978
Thanks a lot, man.
Thanks for the advice.
358
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:04,018
Enjoying your nut?
359
00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:05,085
Why?
- Kevin.
360
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:06,153
I'm not mocking.
361
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:09,826
I was just making an
observation about her nut.
362
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,460
I was.
363
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:14,335
Hey, who wants to watch
Michael's pond dive?
364
00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:17,967
My roommate's friend is the
night janitor over there.
365
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:21,706
He swiped the security tape for
me, and he's bringing it over.
366
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:25,580
Mmm. You know what? Maybe we
should go easy on Michael, guys.
367
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,675
You know,
you watch that tape,
368
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:30,347
and you're going to have to stay late
for more sensitivity training, so.
369
00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:32,322
We'll stay late.
Yeah.
370
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,019
You are not a joke.
371
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:37,119
I am.
372
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:38,254
You are smart.
373
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:39,354
Jim is smarter than me.
374
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:41,399
You are handsome.
Jim is more handsome.
375
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:46,370
No, Jim is ugly. Please. I mean, I'd
give anything for his nose. It's true.
376
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:49,032
The rest of him, God,
he looks like Popeye's wife.
377
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,042
Wow, Wilma.
378
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,844
See, that is funny.
That is a joke.
379
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,540
I know jokes
and you are not a joke.
380
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:58,983
Her name's not Wilma.
381
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,817
Stop making me laugh.
382
00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:03,312
Well, that went
pretty well.
383
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:04,378
Yeah, I guess.
384
00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,481
We got a maybe.
It was our first maybe.
385
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:09,527
Going by the Nard-Dog curve,
I'd say we nailed it.
386
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:10,584
If I'm being
completely honest,
387
00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:12,289
I could have done
without the belly kiss.
388
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:13,922
You know what?
I'm sorry,
389
00:17:13,999 --> 00:17:17,264
'cause in that moment, I knew I
was kissing your belly too much.
390
00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:18,735
Yeah, way too much.
Yeah.
391
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:20,567
I mean, what the hell was that?
392
00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:22,038
What the heck was that?
393
00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:23,096
When you cried.
394
00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,700
Try "almost cried." Okay?
395
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,712
I just got caught
up in the fantasy.
396
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:31,011
Your fantasy involves comparison
shopping birthing classes?
397
00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:34,348
No. I know I'm going
to go with Miss Janet.
398
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:37,753
I just... I don't know, it
was fun to role-play, right?
399
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:38,847
Hmm.
400
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:42,360
It was fun for me, having
a wife and a little baby.
401
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:45,827
I'm so sick of
being single.
402
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,196
Well, are you
dating anyone?
403
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:51,998
What do you think of Erin?
I mean, she's kind of cool.
404
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:54,998
You think
I can do better?
405
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,169
Got to get my
going out on.
406
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:01,435
Hey, let's watch
this thing.
407
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:02,980
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
okay, yeah.
408
00:18:03,048 --> 00:18:04,140
We're not watching this.
409
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,581
How can we
not watch this?
410
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,141
What happened
to "Do not mock"?
411
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:08,652
We're not mocking,
we're watching.
412
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,688
That will inevitably
lead to mocking, so.
413
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,018
Well, we'll
deal with it as it comes.
414
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,251
Is this the tape
of me falling?
415
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:14,417
Yes, put the DVD in.
Yep.
416
00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:15,892
Open up QuickTime.
It starts on its own.
417
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,826
No, use QuickTime,
trust me, I've done this.
418
00:18:17,896 --> 00:18:19,955
Guys, Michael
can't handle this.
419
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,364
And as your boss, I'm
saying, we're not watching it.
420
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:25,096
No, it's okay, watch it.
He can't fire all of you.
421
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,194
What are you doing?
422
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,704
It's all right.
I can handle it.
423
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,104
No.
I am a grownup, Jim.
424
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:30,163
It's on.
425
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:31,231
There they come.
426
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,643
Boom!
427
00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:36,408
Oh! Did you see that? See what?
428
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,744
Wait, why did
you stop it?
429
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:39,545
Oscar, yes, you're right to stop it.
430
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:40,880
Thank you, eject it.
431
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,750
Jim, you let
Michael fall in.
432
00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:43,947
Play it again.
433
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:50,151
He purposefully
leaned away and let you fall.
434
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:52,454
Oh, man!
435
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,766
I think when I started to see
you go in, I think I just froze.
436
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:00,805
I don't think
you froze.
437
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:05,573
It's a killer
new dance move.
438
00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:09,006
Do you want
to talk in your office?
439
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:10,105
No.
440
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:14,182
I didn't ask you.
Would you like to talk?
441
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:18,186
Judas.
442
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,952
Jim is my enemy,
but it turns out
443
00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:22,152
that Jim is also
his own worst enemy.
444
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:26,857
And the enemy of my enemy is my
friend, so Jim is actually my friend.
445
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,667
But, because he is
his own worst enemy,
446
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,534
the enemy of my
friend is my enemy,
447
00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:35,732
so actually
Jim is my enemy.
448
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:37,564
But...
449
00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:40,740
I should have
grabbed you. I'm sorry.
450
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:45,613
Look, I thought I could have
done today's sales call alone.
451
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,211
I mean, I may never be as
good a salesman as you are,
452
00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:51,279
but I at least need
the chance to do the job.
453
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,655
Jim is jealous of me?
454
00:19:57,996 --> 00:19:59,793
Jim is jealous of me.
455
00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:05,494
Hey, what's up,
lifeguard?
456
00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:07,539
Jim, I think
I'm in your way.
457
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:16,106
Oscar's a douche.
458
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:20,083
He's all right.
No.
459
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,416
He's... Yeah,
he's all right.
460
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,249
Okay.
461
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:32,157
Thanks, Michael.
You're welcome.
462
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:34,729
Whoa! Almost fell.
463
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:43,531
Hey, Erin, do you mind
faxing this for me? Oh, sure.
464
00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:45,338
Wait, hand them
to me upside down,
465
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,844
so I don't accidentally read them.
466
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:49,704
Okay.
Thanks.
467
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:50,805
Mmm-hmm.
468
00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:53,544
How did today go, by the way?
Did you make any sales?
469
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:56,019
No, it was a total
waste of time.
470
00:20:59,224 --> 00:21:00,282
It was fun, though,
471
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:01,917
because I got
to spend the day
472
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,258
with Andy Bernard
and he's really cool.
473
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:05,694
Yeah, he is.
474
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,061
Yeah, he is.
475
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:09,293
He's like the coolest
person I've ever met.
476
00:21:09,368 --> 00:21:11,233
That's right.
477
00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:14,305
He's like Marlon Brando.
478
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:20,443
Oh, do you mean Marlon
Wayans? 'Cause he is.
479
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,681
I actually do mean
Marlon Wayans. Yeah.