Previously on E.R.
Hey, Rachel!
- You search my room and private things! - I was looking for drugs!
I have a baby with an amphetamine overdose.
- Oh, God! - She may never open her eyes again.
Either she's out of the house by the time I take that baby home...
or I'm not taking that baby home.
I'm afraid it's definitely tumor re-growth.
You should've been dead a year ago, Mark.
How much time?
Mark died this morning...
...at 6:04 a. m.
The sun was rising, his favorite time of day.
- You set the tone, Carter. - What?
Work on your jump shot.
Mark.
Hey.
- What are you doing? - I'm feeling sorry for myself.
- I made you some soup. - No, thanks.
Do you want me to put some drops in your eye?
I just did it.
Just making a list.
Things I've always wanted to do but I never found time for.
- What, too morbid? - A bit.
- You wanna hear it? - Sure.
Got a little carried away.
"Sail around the world.
Climb Mount Kilimanjaro.
Play third base for the Cubs and hit a sacrifice fly to drive in the winning run...
...in the seventh game of the World Series." They get better.
"Start a garage band and end up on the cover of Rolling Stone."
Do you even play an instrument?
No, but I've always wanted to trash a hotel room.
"Jump out of an airplane. Have noisy sex in a public place."
I can help you with that one.
"Smoke hand-rolled Cuban cigars while drinking dark Caribbean rum...
...in a sidewalk café overlooking the Havana seawall."
That's a really good one.
"Get towed into Maverick's on a big gun and live to tell about it.
Find Jerry Walker and beat the living crap out of him."
- And who's he? - Tenth grade. Long story.
"Take the kids to Disney World.
Teach Ella how to ice-skate at Rockefeller Center at Christmastime.
Teach Rachel how to drive.
Be there to give them both away at their weddings."
I told you I was sitting down here feeling sorry for myself.
We could all go to Disney World. I'd like that.
I haven't been a very good father.
- Yes, you have. - No, I haven't.
I wasn't there when she needed me. I was 400 miles away.
A phone call on Saturdays. A couple of weeks in the summer.
You know what the last thing on my list is?
"Fix Rachel."
Rachel.
Rachel!
- See you. Bye. - Bye.
Hey.
Breath mint?
- For that cigarette? - I was holding it for a friend.
In your mouth?
- What are you doing here? - Picking you up.
- Anything in your locker you need? - What?
- Is there anything you need right away? - No.
Okay, come on.
Where are we going?
Honestly, Rachel, I don't know.
Here we go!
- Is that your dad? - Yeah.
Midlife crisis?
Something like that.
- Aloha. - Morning.
Hey.
- What? - You hungry?
- What time is it? - It's almost 8.
Oh, God.
Told you not to stay up late watching that movie.
Come on, time's a-wasting. Gotta go.
- Go where? - History lesson.
- What? - My history.
- What's with this music? - You don't like Todd Rundgren?
- Can we change the station? - No. I like this.
- This is where everything blew up? - Yeah.
That's Battleship Row.
See the white building?
That's the Arizona Memorial.
When I was a kid, there wasn't a bridge here.
You used to have to take the ferry back and forth to school...
...to the movies, to shop.
It was kind of cool.
I loved living in Hawaii.
Mom had flower gardens everywhere.
That's what she used to do when Dad was gone, to keep busy. Garden.
I hated it. She used to make me weed, fertilize, mow the lawn.
Last ferry was at 11:00,
so Navy kids mostly just stayed on the base.
The golf course, you know, the pool, bowling alley, youth center.
- You were a bowler? - Yeah.
Mostly just rode our bikes around, went to the beach...
...got in trouble trying to sneak into restricted areas.
How long were you here?
Three years.
Longest time we ever spent in one place.
All the good kids were JROTC,
hoping to get into Annapolis.
I hung out with the troublemakers.
A couple of teenagers acting dangerous, tough.
I had my first job here.
- You were a lifeguard? - No. Junior janitor.
I'd get here at 6 a. m., sweep up, mop the locker rooms, skim the pool.
$1.25 an hour.
That's slave wages.
It was enough to keep me in new records and good weed.
What? You know, records, LPs, vinyls.
Those funny, big, black things that your hip-hop heroes rip off for their songs.
Come on.
I wanna show you something, just a couple blocks away.
Sixteen-inch guns could lob a 2000-pound shell 23 miles.
When a bombardment commenced, you could hear it 40 miles away.
Up there's where the Japanese surrendered. Tokyo Harbor.
Your grandfather took me up to the bridge once.
Not here on the Missouri, but on a sub tender that he was the XO of.
They used to let sailors bring families onboard, steam around the harbor.
Kind of a take-your-kid-to-work day, only Dad's office was a warship.
He introduced me to all the sailors on watch, stuck a hat on me.
- One of those white Gilligan things? - Yeah.
Held me up so I could man the helm, showed me what everything was for.
I was about your age.
Sounds like you liked it.
I did.
So why didn't you join the Navy?
I was mad at my dad.
- For what? - Never being around, I guess.
We used to fight all the time.
About music I listened to, my clothes, my friends, the length of my hair.
Don't laugh, I used to have hair. Lots of it.
Down to my shoulders.
He resented my politics. I hated his.
I used to try and provoke him, you know, just try to piss him off.
I was good at it.
I hated everything that he stood for...
...and I made sure that he knew it.
What did he stand for?
Patriotism, responsibility, authority, honor.
The Navy, most of all.
I'd take it all back now if I could.
But I can't.
He rode me pretty hard when he was around.
I think he was worried about me.
He was worried about the choices I was making...
...and the things that I was interested in.
Like what?
Like...
...girls, for one.
Bruce Lee flicks, rock 'n' roll, surfing.
- Surfing? - Yeah.
Don't look so surprised.
Surfing?
You're doing great. You almost stood up on that last one.
Okay, lie down.
- I'm gonna push you. Ready? - Yeah.
- You ready? - Yeah.
Paddle, paddle, paddle, paddle! Go, go!
Stand up!
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
Yes!
Dad?
You know this one, right?
You gotta know who this is.
What is this place?
It's a retreat house. I rented it for a week.
- A what? - Relax. You're gonna love it.
There's no TV in my room.
- Right. - Where's the TV?
I don't think there is one.
Is there a pool?
Ocean.
Hotel was getting too expensive.
The minibar charges alone were starting to add up.
Once you're done unpacking, you can help me with dinner.
Is there a phone?
Should be around here someplace.
- What are we supposed to do? - I don't know.
Swim, walk on the beach...
...surf.
Put your right foot on the brake, left foot on the clutch.
Good. Clutch all the way in.
Okay, now put it in first gear.
Remember where that is? Just straight up. Good, good.
Okay, now, you wanna ease your right foot off of the brake...
...and onto the accelerator.
Okay, ease off on the clutch.
A little gas. Ease off on the clutch.
Hey, there you go.
- What'd I do? - It's all right.
It's just a balance thing, you know?
It's kind of a balance between the clutch and the accelerator.
It's a feel thing. It just takes a little practice.
All right, let's try it again.
Okay, make sure it's in neutral.
Good. Put that clutch in.
Put the brake on. Okay, turn the ignition over.
Okay, make sure that clutch is pushed all the way in.
- Got it in neutral. - I- okay.
Turn the ignition over again.
Okay, now put it up into first.
Okay, right foot off of that brake, put it on the accelerator.
Ease off the clutch.
- Maybe I should try an automatic. - No, no. It's best to learn with a stick.
Mom has an automatic.
Come on, put it in neutral.
- I don't want to. - Rachel, if you fall off the horse...
...you gotta get right back on.
- The horse? - Come on. You almost got it.
Let's go.
There you go. Right foot on the brake, left foot on the clutch. Neutral.
Start it up.
There you go.
Okay, let off that clutch.
Let it off.
Hey, hey! We're going. We're driving. We're driving, we're driving!
- Okay, now shift. - What?
- Shift. Put it into second. - How? What?
Clutch in. Pull it down to second.
Second. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Good, yes! We're driving!
We're free!
Dad?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Your headache back?
I'm all right.
Well, I was gonna go to the beach.
Okay.
Are you coming?
Be down there in a minute.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Hey.
It's beautiful, huh?
- Your headache better? - Yeah, thanks.
What are you listening to?
You wouldn't like it.
When did you start getting high?
I don't.
I was loaded most of the eighth grade. I'm no fool. Stop treating me like one.
I don't get high.
I'm missing three Vicodin.
Any idea what happened to them?
Maybe you took them and forgot.
What else are you doing?
We know about the Ecstasy. Now the Vicodin.
- Huffing? Speed? - I already told you, nothing.
Crystal meth, what?
- You don't believe me, fine! - Rachel.
Rachel! Rach!
You're only 14.
What the hell are you gonna be putting in your body when you're 16?
We're gonna talk about this.
Rachel, damn it, stop.
I love you. Please, don't do this.
I don't...
I don't know what to do.
I don't have time to work this through. I'm not gonna be here in a year to help.
You got a bastard of a father who was never around...
...and then went off and had a new baby.
Your mom got remarried to a creep, she works too much.
You got a raw deal, all right? Why not get high?
No one gives a damn about you anyway.
I know how that feels.
I remember being 14 and pissed off at my dad and the world.
What are you gonna do when I'm not here?
Who is gonna keep you from killing yourself? I'm scared.
Scared about what's gonna happen to you.
Look, it sucks! I'm your father, and I'm gonna die.
You know what? I think it sucks too.
No, it's- Yeah.
No, it's fine.
I'm great.
No, I'm feeling good.
- All right. - How's Ella?
She's wonderful. The tooth finally grew in.
- Really? - Yeah, finally.
- That's great. - How's Rachel doing?
She's fine.
You know...
...fourteen.
You wanna go out to dinner or eat here?
I think we have some of that ono left.
Vegetables, ice-
I want pizza. Can we get some pizza?
There's that place down by the surf shop that looked pretty good. Some olive-
Dad?
God, Dad?
Dad? Dad?
Mark?
Mark!
Oh, my goodness, look.
Mark?
Hi.
We were out driving around, I saw the vacation-rental sign.
- It must cost a fortune. - You only live once.
There's a lady named Janet. She lives up the road, takes care of children.
She said she'd be happy to help out.
- What's this? - Herbs. Got a whole bunch of them.
Take them in the morning, the afternoon. Boosts my immune system.
- Is this snakeskin? - Could be.
The lady who does my acupuncture gave them to me.
Couldn't hurt.
I can't find a corkscrew. How about a beer?
Sure.
So where's Rachel?
She's out surfing.
She found you in a grand mal seizure.
It's no big deal.
She was scared to death when she called me.
- What did the neurologist say? - Up the Dilantin to 400.
You didn't see a doctor?
- Nope. - How do you know what your level is?
I'm fine.
Mark, you need a CAT scan and a full workup.
No, thanks.
Take my hand. Come on.
Squeeze my fingers.
What about your wrist?
Your elbow?
All right, we're going home.
You need an MRI and to see the neurologist.
No.
I don't wanna go back home.
It's beautiful here, isn't it?
Come on, let me show you the beach.
What's she gonna do with a surfboard in St. Louis?
Let it gather dust in the garage.
- Has she been like this the whole time? - Pretty much.
Lucky you.
- Hey, I never knew they were so tall. - Some are. Some aren't.
Hey, I'm looking for a long board for my daughter. She's 14.
- How long were you thinking? - Nine, 9' 1 ". Maybe a Hamilton.
- What's she doing? - It's okay.
- Does she even want a surfboard? - Watch this.
I know.
- Who's he? - Don't stare. It'll upset her.
- Well, does she know him? - He works here. His name's Kai.
- Kai? - Kai. It means "ocean."
She's made up a new excuse why we had to come back the last three days.
- How old is he? - I don't know.
- He looks at least 16. - Could be.
Maybe 17.
I have some boards she might like. A Papa San and a Sunburnt.
Good.
Rachel, can you come and help me?
Remember when I used to sing you to sleep?
No.
You made me do it for years.
You watched The Wizard of Oz and The Little Mermaid...
...over and over again. It'd drive me crazy.
We had that apartment off of Division with the big iron gates out front...
...and that funny-looking mutt next door. Dudley?
Dad.
There was a playground across the street. Remember the big slide?
I don't.
I don't remember, okay? I don't remember any of that stuff!
It's not important! And you just keep talking and talking about it!
- It is important. - No, it's not!
Where you used to live, where we used to live...
...and Grandmom's stupid garden, Granddad's cousin Dave, or whatever.
Rachel, keep your voice down. The baby's sleeping.
I'm trying to tell you about us, about our family, our history.
- It's stupid, boring, useless crap! - It's not crap!
- Some dog named Dudley? - You loved that dog.
I don't care about these things! I don't wanna hear this stuff!
So just stop talking to me about it.
I'll go.
How long are you planning on keeping this up?
He's not perfect. Far from it.
But he's trying.
You've got to grow up faster than you should have to.
You don't get to be a child anymore. Your father's dying.
I know that.
He's going to die soon. Very soon.
If you keep on like this, you're gonna miss what little time you have left with him.
This is it, Rachel.
This is your last chance.
And if you blow it, you're gonna end up hating yourself for the rest of your life.
Shit!
I'm a bit worried about that cough.
It's okay.
We could go to the hospital and get a CBC and a chest x-ray.
No, thanks.
Mark, the Decadron's suppressing your immune system.
No kidding.
Did you up it again?
Okay, well, if it turns to pneumonia, we can give IV antibiotics.
Pneumonia, huh?
That's not a bad way to go.
Okay.
There you go.
- Where's Rachel? - She's at Sunset with Kai.
Nice offshore breeze.
Waves should be great.
They're spending a great deal of time together.
He's a nice kid.
So you're not worried?
About what?
About what they might be doing in all that time.
No.
I think it's great.
I need you to do something for me.
It might be kind of hard.
I wanna write letters to Rachel and Ella.
I tried to do it myself...
...but I can't read my own writing now.
I want them to open letters on special days.
You know?
High-school graduation, college...
...their wedding days.
Think that's cruel?
Reaching out from beyond the grave on days when they should be happy?
I think they'll cherish every single word.
Told you it might be hard.
I'm okay.
Is he asleep?
Yep.
He sleeps a lot now.
Yeah.
He's in a lot of pain.
It won't be long now.
Hi.
I was just dreaming about you.
- You were? - When you used to love balloons.
You remember how much you loved balloons?
- No. - I used to buy them for you.
And right when I handed them to you...
...you'd let them go.
Drive your mother crazy.
Sit with me. Sit down.
Sit.
I was trying to figure out...
...what I should have already told you but I never have.
Something important.
Something every father should impart to his daughter.
I finally got it.
Generosity.
Be generous...
...with your time...
...with your love...
...with your life.
Okay.
I'm sorry, Rachel.
- I'm so tired. - It's okay.
Don't cry for me.
I won't.
Be generous...
...always.
I will.
Daddy?
I remember the lullaby.
I remember you used to sing it to me every night.
I remember.
It's a sheep.
- the resurrection and the life, saith the Lord...
- though he were dead, yet shall he live.
And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.
I know that my redeemer liveth...
...and he shall stand at the latter day upon the Earth.
And though his body be destroyed...
Can I still come see Ella?
Summers or at Christmas?
Of course. She's your sister.
Hey! Hey, hey, can you pull over, please?
- What? - Right here.
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