0 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:32,199 ÞÇã ÈÊÑÌãÉ åÐÇ ÇáÝáã ÇáÚÞÑÈ ÇáÇÓæÏ ÃÑÌæ ãä Çí ÔÎÕ ãä ÇáãÊÑÌãíä Çä íßãá ÇáÊÑÌãå åÐå ÍíË Çä æÞÊí ÖíÞ ÈÓÈÈ ÖÛØ ÇáÚãá æÔßÑÇ áßã 1 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:36,702 ÔÈÇß ÇáÊÐÇßÑ ËáÇËí ÇáÇÈÚÇÏ Ýáã ÇáÇÝáÇã 2 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:38,323 åÐå åí! åÐå åí áæÍÉ ÊíæãæäÏæ ÓßÑæÝÇáæ 3 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:47,499 ãä ÇäÊ ? ãÇÐÇ ÊÝÚá åäÇ? ÇáãÊÍÝ ãÞÝá! 4 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,711 ÇäÊ áä ÊÎÑÌ ãä åäÇ Íí ãÚ åÐå ÇááæÍå! 5 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,050 åã ÓíÝÚáæ. 6 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:07,895 áÇíæÌÏ åäÇß ÇÍÏ ÔÇåÏ ÇáßËíÑ ãä ÇáÚäÝ Ýí Çæá ÇáÝáã. 7 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:19,364 ßæÏ ÊíæãæäÏæ ÓßÑæÝÇáæ 8 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,325 ÍíÇÊäÇ ßÇãáå, 9 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:24,119 ãä ÇáÕÑÎå ÇáÇæáì Çáì ÇáÔåÞå ÇáÇÎíÑå, 10 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:29,541 åí ÈØæá æÇÍÏ ¡ ÇáßÝÇÍ ÇáÌÇÏ áÊÝÓíÑ ÇáÑãæÒ. 11 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:33,170 ÎÐ ßãËÇá ÇáÇÍÑÝ ÇáåÌÇÆíå, 12 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:37,174 áÛÉ ÇáãÕÑííä ÇáÞÏãÇÁ, áÛå ÇÓßí ÇáÎÇÕå ÈÇáßãÈíæÊÑ, 13 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:41,136 Çáíæã ÃáÚÇÈ ÇáßáãÇÊ ÇáãÊÞÇØÚÉ æÇáÇÍÇÌí æ ÇáÈØÇÞÇÊ ÇáÓÍÑíÉ 14 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:45,933 Ãæ ÍÊì ÇáÑãæÒ ÇáãÎÝíå æÇáÊáãíÍíå á ÃæÑÇÞ ÇáÊÇÑæ... 15 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,896 ÇáÖæÁ ÑÌÇð. 16 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:58,195 ÇäÇ ÞáÊ ÖæÁ íÚäí áÇ ÖæÁ," ÇØÝÆ ÇáÖæÁ! 17 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,409 ÇáÔÑíÍå ÇáÇæáì ÑÌÇð. 18 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,704 ãÇÐÇ ÊæÍí åÐå ÇáÕæÑå ãä Çáæåáå ÇáÇæáì ? 19 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,250 ÈÑÇÆíí ÇáÔÎÕí Óãß ÇáÔãÚÏÇäÇÊ 20 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:15,212 ÇäåÇ ãÑÌÚ ÇÕíá ááÌÔÚ ÇáÚÞíã 21 00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,130 áÇ. åá ãä ÇÍÏ ÇÎÑ? 22 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:18,715 ÇáÌÔÚ! 23 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:22,177 áÇ ÇäåÇ ÊÚäí ÐÇß ÇáÖæÁ ÞÏ ÇÓÊåáß! 24 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:26,431 ÇáÔÑíÍå ÇáÊÇáíå ÑÌÇð. ÇäÇ áä ÇäÙÑ ÇáíåÇ. 25 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:30,560 ÃäÇ ÈÌÏ ÓæÝ ÃÚÊãÏ Úáì ÇáÝØäÉ æÇáÈÕíÑÉ ÇáÎÇÕå Èßã áÊßÔÝæÇ Úä ÇáÌæÇÈ 26 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:34,273 ãÇÐÇ ÊãËá åÐå ÇáÕæÑå? 27 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,316 - ÃÛÑÈ Úäí! - ÃÛÑÈ Úä æÌåí! 28 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,403 ßíÝ ÊÌÑÄ? 29 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:43,573 ÇáØáÇÈ ÇáÛíÑ ãåÊãíä ÈÇáãÍÇÖÑå åÐå ÈÃãßÇäåã ÇáÇäÕÑÇÝ 0 íÇá ÇáæÞÇÍå 30 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,703 ÈÍÞ ÇáÌÍíã ãä åÐÇ ÇáÐí ÃÚÏ åÐå ÇáÓáÇíÏÇÊ ¿ 31 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:50,330 ÑÌÇð ÏßÊæÑ ÓÊÑæäÌ íÌÈ Úáíß Çä ÊÃÊí ãÚí 32 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:53,166 áÞÏ ÍÏË ÔÆ ÝÙíÚ ÇáÔÑØå ÊÑíÏß 33 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:59,214 ÃäÇ áÇ ÇÓÊØíÚ ÃíÊåÇ ÇáÓíÏå ÇáÔÇÈå, áÇíæÌÏ ÔÆ Çåã ãä ãÍÇÖÑÊí 34 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,632 ÃäÇ áÇ ÃÞÏÑ Úáì ÇáÍÖæÑ 35 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:06,054 ÇáãÍÇÖÑå ÇäÊåÊ . ÃäÇ ÚäÏí Úãá ÇßËÑ ÇåãíÉ æíÌÈ ÍÖæÑå ÇÑÇßã ÛÏÇ 36 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,181 Ãíä íÐåÈ? 37 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:11,727 åíÇ áäÐåÈ ÃÎÈÑíäí ãÇÐÇ íÍÕá 38 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,896 - ÇáãÍÞÞ ãÇíßá íÊæÞÚ ÍÖæÑß - ÔßÑÇ 39 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:19,526 ãÓÇÁ ÇáÎíÑ ÈÑæÝíÓæÑ ÓÊÑæäÌ ÃåáÇ Èß Ýí ãÊÍÝ Ïæ áæææææ.... 40 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,452 áÞÏ ÚãáäÇ Ýí ÚÏÉ ÞÖÇíÈÇ ãÚÇð 41 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,580 æáßä åÐå ÓÊßæä ÇÕÚÈ æÇÍÏå áÍáåÇ 42 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:35,042 ÃäÊ ãÍÞ ÇíåÇ ÇáãÍÞÞ áÇíæÌÏ Ôß Ýí ãÎíáÊí 43 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:38,503 - ÍíË ÇääÇ ÓäæÇÌå ÚäÞ ÇáÒÌÇÌå. - áÇ Êßæä ãÊÔÇÆã ÌÏÇ, 44 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:42,090 áíÓ ÈÇáÖÑæÑÉ Ãä ÊÌÑí ÊÍÞíÞÇÊäÇ Ýí ÚäÞ ÒÌÇÌå 45 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,925 áíÓ ÇáÊÍÞíÞÇÊ 46 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:47,095 ÃäÇ ÃÊßáã Úä ÚäÞ ÇáÒÌÇÌå åäÇ ÃäÙÑ Ãáíå 47 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:51,475 ÞÈá Çä íÎäÞ ááãæÊ ÈÇáäÈíÐ ÃÓÊãÑ ÑÇÝÚÇð ËáÇË ÇÕÇÈÚ! 48 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,771 ÓæÝ Êßæä åÐå ÚáÇãå æÇÖÍå ááÃÞÓÇã ÇáËáÇËå ááÌÐÑ ÇáÊÑÈíÚí 49 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,357 ááãÈÏÇ ÇáÇÓÇÓí ÇáËÇáË ÚÔÑ ãä äÙÑíÉ ÝíÈæäÇÊÔí! 50 00:05:58,441 --> 00:05:59,566 ÃäÊ ãæÓæÚå ÊãÔí Úáì ÇáÇÑÖ. 51 00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:01,443 Åäå áÔÑÝ æÓÑæÑ áí ÇáÚãá ãÚß 52 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,363 æÇäÙÑ Çáí ÃÙÝÑ ÃÈåÇã íÏå Çáíãäì 53 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,573 Ãäå ÃØæá ãä ÈÇÞí ÇáÇÙÇÝÑ 54 00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:08,533 åÐå ÚáÇãå æÇÖÍå áãÎáÈå ÇáÇíãä 55 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,411 ãä æáæÊÔ ÍíæÇä ÇáÌÑÇÝíä ÇáãÌäÍ ÇáÇÓØæÑí Ýí áÇåæÊ ÇáÝíäíÞíÉ "Woloch the winged griffin" 56 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:14,706 ãÚáæãÇÊß Ýí Úáã ÇáÑãæÒ ãÐåáÉ 57 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:18,502 ÔßÑÇ áß. ÍÊì ÃäÇ ãäÐåá Èßá åÐå ÇáÊÝÇåÇÊ ÇáÊí ÃÊßáãåÇ 58 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,629 ÃäÊÙÑ , åäÇß ÔÆ ÇÎÑ 59 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,550 - ãÇ åæ? - ÃäåÇ ÈØÇÞÇÊ ÎÏÔ "ÏÇ - æä - ÓÇí"! 60 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:30,097 1810... ÃäåÇ ÃÝÖá ÎãÑ ÔÇäÊí Ýí Ðáß ÇáÚÕÑ 61 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:35,227 áÞÏ ÚáÞÊ ÞÇÑæÑå Ýí ÍáÞ ÇáÌËå æ ËáÇËå åæ ÑÞã ÇáÔíØÇä 62 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,312 ãÍÞÞ ãÇíßá! 63 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:41,441 - ÏßÊæÑ ÎØÃ... - ÓÊÑæäÌ, ÏßÊæÑ ÓÊÑæäÌ! 64 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,068 ÇäÇ ÇÓÝ , áæ ÓãÍÊ ããßä Ãä ÊÃÊí ãÚí 65 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:47,656 ÇááæÍå ÇáãÓÑæÞå åí ÈÇáØÈÚ áæÍå "Çíá ÌíæßæäÏæ" ÇáÊí ÑÓãåÇ ÊíæãæäÏæ ÓßÑæÝÇáæ, 66 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:51,701 ÃäåÇ Ãåã áæÍå Ýí Çááææææ... 67 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,456 ßá áæÍå ÊÍÊæí Úáì ÑÞÇÞå ßãÈíæÊÑ 68 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,376 ÍíË ÇäåÇ ÊÓãÚ áäÇ ÈãÚÑÝå ãßÇäåÇ ÇíäãÇ Êßæä 69 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,754 æáßä äÙÇã ÊÍÏíÏ ãßÇä ÇááæÍÇÊ ÊÚÑÖ ááÊÎÑíÈ 70 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,923 æÇáÑÞÇÞå ÇíÖÇ ÊÏãÑÊ 71 00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:08,301 áä íßæä ÈÃÓÊØÇÚÊäÇ ÊÍÏíÏ æÊÊÈÚ ãßÇä ÇááæÍå ÇáãÓÑæÞå 72 00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,429 - íÇááÚÇÑ! - ÈÇáßÇÏ åÐÇ æÞÊ ÇáÛÏÇÁ. 73 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,890 ÏßÊæÑ åá ÊÍÈ ÇáÊæäÇ ãÚ ÇáÍÇãÖ¿ Ãæ ÑÈãÇ ÈÇÈÇÑæäí ÈíÊÒÇ ¿ 74 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,059 ÔßÑÇð ÇíåÇ ÇáãÝÊÔ ßäÊ ÇÚÊÞÏ Ãäß áä ÊÓÃá 75 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:20,063 áÞÏ ßäÊ Ýí ÇáÌÇãÚå ãä ÇáÕÈÇÍ ÇáÈÇßÑ æáã Ãßá Çí ÔÆ 76 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,857 ÃÍÈ Çä íßæä áí äÝÓ ÈÇáÇßá 77 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:28,697 - ÈÑæÝíÓæÑ , åá ÇäÊ ÃÊí ¿ - åÐå ÇáÇÝßÇÑ ÌÚáÊäí ÃÔÚÑ ÈÇáäÚÇÓ 78 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,324 ÃÑíÏ ÃÎÐ ÞÓØ ãä ÇáÑÇÍå. áíáå ÓÚíÏå! 79 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:36,288 áÞÏ ßäÊ ÕÍíÍÇð, Çäå ÈÇáÍÞíÞå ãÎØÆ... 80 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,594 ÃæáÇð ÞÇá Çäå íÑíÏ Çä íÃßá Ëã ÐåÈ áíäÇã 81 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,847 ÓæÝ íÇÎÐ ÌåÏ ßÈíÑ ãä ÇáÎÈÑÇÁ áíÝÓÑæÇ ÃÝßÇÑå 82 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:02,564 - Ãáã ÊÞá Ãäß ÐÇåÈ áÊäÇá ÞÓØÇð ãä ÇáÑÇÍå¿ - ãä , ÃäÇ ¿ ÃäÇ áÇ ÃäÇã 83 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:06,526 ÇäÇ ÃÑíÏ ÈÔÏå Çä ÃÐåÈ ááÚÔÇÁ æáßäß áã ÊÏÚæäí 84 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:10,780 åÐå äÓÎå ãä ÇáÇÑÔíÝ 85 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,949 áãÇÐÇ íÑíÏæä Êáß ÇááæÍå ÈÇáÊÍÏíÏ¿ 86 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,369 ãÇ åæ ÇááÛÒ æÑÇÁ Êáß ÇáÇÈÊÓÇãå¿ Êáß ÓÊßæä äÞØå ÈÏÇíÊäÇ 87 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:22,334 ßÊÈ ÇáÊÇÑíÎ ÞÇáÊ Ãäå ãä ÚÇÆáÉ áíæäÇÑÏæ ÏÇ ÝíäÔí. æáßäå íÞÑÈå ãä ÈÚíÏ 88 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,712 - ÈÚíÏ ÌÏÇð - äÚã , ÈÚíÏ ÌÏÇð 89 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,548 áÞÏ ßÇä ÞáÞ ÈÓÈÈ ÃÈÊÓÇãÉ ÌíæßæäÏÇ 90 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,717 æáÞÏ ÍÇæá Øíáå ÍíÇÊå ßí íÞáÏåÇ ,æáßä åíåÇÊ 91 00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:33,512 áã íäÌÍ Ýí ÊÞáíÏåÇ ÝÈÏà ÈÔÑÈ ÇáÎãÑ 92 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:37,599 æáã íÑÓã ÃáÇ ÚÌæÒ ÓßÑÇä ãËáå áÈÞíÉ ÃíÇãå 93 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:42,062 åÐå åí ÃÚØã áæÍÇÊå "Çá ÌíæßæäÏÇ" 94 00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:44,689 A fanatical sect tried to steal it once before. 95 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,276 I know: the Lacryma Christi Confraternity, 96 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,654 also known as the "Centennial Sect". 97 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:54,991 They keep trying to steal this painting for use in satanic rites 98 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:58,578 that will generate the elixir of youth. 99 00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,413 Inspector Michel, Dr. Wrong... 100 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,542 My name is Strong. lf anyone here is wrong, it's you! 101 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,336 - Calm down, Professor. - But he keeps calling me... 102 00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:08,421 - What is it? - Forensics has confirmed 103 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:12,759 that the localization chip in the painting 104 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:15,303 has been compromised, but not completely. 105 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,889 We need a hacker... and I've got one! 106 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,350 She is the best. Only problem is, she's in jail. 107 00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:21,643 Dr. Strong, let's go! 108 00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,770 I can't, I've got an appointment with the podiatrist. 109 00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:26,565 When it's time to have my feet checked nothing else matters! 110 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,108 Goodbye. 111 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:36,324 Officer, Inspector! Are we going to talk to this hacker, or what? 112 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:38,868 Strange people! 113 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,205 Holy cow, that hurt! 114 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,749 He really is all wrong! 115 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,752 You're about to meet Liz Salamander. 116 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,088 I know her. 117 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,340 She was a student of mine in Phoenician nutrition 118 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,342 at Boston University. She was a genius. 119 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,303 She was the one who took my chair at the University. 120 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,138 She replaced you? 121 00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,015 No, she stole my chair. She put it in a van 122 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:02,642 and sold it to a junk dealer to buy marijuana. 123 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,812 Inspector Michel, Professor Wr... 124 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:10,108 Welcome to the prison of Saint-Maluuu... 125 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:24,205 What the fuck, you mother fuckers! 126 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,667 That's her. She always greeted me that way in class. 127 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,919 How are you doing, Liz? 128 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:33,798 Prof. Wrong, still sporting those cute hairpieces, I see! 129 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,842 Did you know that he washes his hair in the washing machine? 130 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,636 That's enough, Liz! 131 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,305 What the hell are you laughing at, denture face! 132 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,266 Liz, listen to us carefully. 133 00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:46,561 How about working with us on a case in exchange for your freedom? 134 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:53,318 You're asking me if I want to leave this cesspool 135 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:57,530 and become a free citizen again? What kind of a fucking question is that? 136 00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,241 She's right, Inspector. 137 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,910 Who is writing these shitty lines? 138 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,745 My answer is: 139 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,455 yes. I'll do it. 140 00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:07,666 Get your things, we'll explain on the way. 141 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:13,213 Listen, grandpa, I lay down the rules: I get to do whatever I want! 142 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,760 - Liz, any news? - Very good news! 143 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,806 The chip behind the painting was only disconnected. 144 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:29,479 I'll use a virtual memory recovery program 145 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:37,112 to restore our connection to the chip. 146 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,906 How long will that take? 15-20 minutes? 147 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:44,119 With these fucking ASClI codes, it'll take all night. 148 00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:46,621 All night?! 149 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,007 Arsgrw bzzrsgtk jksbdfpt. 150 00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,342 What? 151 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,805 - We know where the painting is! - What? 152 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:19,946 Wow! Here it is, Liz. The crypt of the Giocondo! 153 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,157 Who the fuck was this Giocondo? 154 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:27,078 The elderly drinker who posed for Teomondo Scrofalo's stolen painting. 155 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:30,957 Frank, this place gives me the creeps. 156 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:35,420 - Aren't you scared? - Scared? Me? Come on! 157 00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,051 You'd better walk in first. 158 00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,721 You go ahead, I'll be right behind you. Go on, it's ok. 159 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:48,224 No, no, no. First the teacher, then the student. Go! 160 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:57,650 Frank, I've been trying to tell you something important for the last hour. 161 00:12:57,735 --> 00:13:00,570 Wait. Look up there. 162 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,366 This fresco was painted by Master Scrofalo. 163 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:10,246 - How can you be so sure? - How can I be so sure? 164 00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:21,257 - Frank, listen to me. - Wait a moment. 165 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:34,062 With the baby lightinum lookum, superimposum "smilum et streetus" 166 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,648 afterus eternam youthum findum. 167 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,943 He was a terrible painter, but his Latin was even worse! 168 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:42,195 Frank, please, listen to me, it's important! 169 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:47,075 Wait, I've got it! "With the baby lightinum lookum." 170 00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,828 Look, the light on the child! 171 00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:53,039 Whatthefuck's Triangle of Light! 172 00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:55,208 Who was Whatthefuck? 173 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:59,879 An Italian scientist who experimented with electricity at home. 174 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:04,425 Every time he got the electricity bill he exclaimed "What the fuck!" 175 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,469 Frank, I've been trying to tell you... 176 00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:09,138 Wait, I've got an idea! 177 00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:12,892 "Superimposum smilum et streetus". 178 00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:17,564 The "streetum" is the map of Paris. Quick, put it down on the stone. 179 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:21,109 The "smilum" is the Giocondo's smile. Cpme quick! 180 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,112 Aim the flashlight at that child's face. 181 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:30,034 Look, the Triangle of Light marks three points on the painting. 182 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:33,121 The first points to the museum that housed the painting. 183 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:37,292 The second points to where we are now, Batou graveyard! 184 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,297 What if the cemetery was named Batò? 185 00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,678 The third is on Teomondo Scrofalo's signature. 186 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,431 Look, it's casting its light on Fragolin de Sauterne! 187 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:55,226 I've got it, Liz! The burial place of the Master's mortal remains. 188 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:58,646 That's where they're keeping the painting they stole from the Louvre, 189 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:03,776 and where the Centennial Sect will celebrate the satanic rite tonight! 190 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,279 That's what l've been trying to tell you all day! 191 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:09,407 I went online and logged on to the painting's microchip: 192 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:12,118 it's in the Fragolin de Sauterne area. 193 00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:16,080 - There's nothing here but the old man's tomb. - Whatthefuck! 194 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,918 What's this got to do with the scientist now? 195 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,503 No, I meant whatthefuck's wrong with you! 196 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,298 Couldn't you have told me earlier? 197 00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,926 We could have saved the rental money for this location! 198 00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:35,850 - Liz, how is the weather outside? - Beautiful! 199 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,686 - You must be smoking a joint then. - I am. 200 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,522 - Do you mind? - No! 201 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:45,944 Here on the "X" is where the Fragolin de Sauterne quarry is. 202 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,529 Not in front, I can't see. 203 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,990 - The smoke isn't helping either. - Swerve to the right, 204 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,952 now left... Hole! 205 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:56,996 Got it! Next time, yell "hole" a little sooner, will you? 206 00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:00,041 What's this thing hanging here? It stinks too! What flavor is it? 207 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,418 - Hashish. - You've got a one track mind! 208 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:06,798 - We're almost there. - Thank goodness. 209 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:19,060 Hey, this isn't the car we started the trip with! 210 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:25,316 These kinds of films are full of mistakes, so we have to make them too. 211 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:32,448 Frank, are you sure we've reached point X? 212 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:37,495 I'm Frank Strong, Professor of Symbology at Paris University 213 00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:45,294 and when I say we're at point X, we are at point X! 214 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,296 Let's go! 215 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:53,094 Faithful disciples of Lacryma Christi, 216 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,848 members of the Centennial Sect, 217 00:16:57,057 --> 00:17:03,021 we are gathered here to perform the ritual of eternal youth. 218 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:13,823 Frank, you have to go in there and join those acolytes! 219 00:17:13,907 --> 00:17:17,160 Colic? No one there is colicky, they look fine! 220 00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:22,081 Acolytes! I'm suggesting you go mingle with them! 221 00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:26,419 Well, I would, but I don't have a fuchsia tunic. 222 00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:28,713 That's not true, you've got one. 223 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:35,470 Liz, there's no way I'm wearing your skirt. 224 00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:47,273 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 225 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:52,862 - Thank you. - Your tunic is a bit short. 226 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:58,076 Mr. Bishop, I'm sorry, I must have washed it wrong and it shrunk a little. 227 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,704 - So wash it in cold water. - I will. 228 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,248 Today is the day! 229 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:08,753 The Lacryma Christi sect, which unites every hundred years 230 00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:12,381 to celebrate its magic ritual, 231 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:17,887 has gathered the three necessary elements for the miracle: 232 00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:23,768 the secret code, the mortal remains of Master Teomondo Scrofalo, 233 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:28,731 and his wonderful, extraordinary, inimitable work of art.. 234 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:32,610 - You call that a work of art? - Oh, please! 235 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:37,406 - His wonderful painting! - Please! 236 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:41,744 All right, this thing here. 237 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:46,582 After having read the formula contained in the Master's code book 238 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,794 for the miracle to occur at midnight sharp, 239 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,630 let us drink! 240 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:57,802 The elixir of longevity and eternal youth! 241 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,347 Well, I'm here... I might as well rejuvenate a few years... 242 00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:07,395 To youm, Teomondo Scrofalo, let us makemus the miraculum! 243 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,397 To youm! 244 00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:26,539 Thank you, Teomondo, for making us in your likeness! 245 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:32,170 May joy reign over this sad world! 246 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:44,515 Besides being a dunce in art and Latin, 247 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,851 he was a dunce in chemistry as well! 248 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:53,107 It's not the "eternal youth formula." It's the "eternal drunkenness spell!" 249 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,652 Frank, what happened? You didn't get younger, you got older! 250 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:59,530 Hurry, take me to the Basilica of San Pellegrino, 251 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,073 I must dive into that spring 252 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:03,659 and become a devotee of mineral water again, not wine! 253 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:09,123 Teomondo Scrofalo, damn you and your code! 254 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,550 COMING SOON 255 00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:37,443 if you think you've seen the worst 256 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:39,195 the human mind could possibly imagine, 257 00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:41,614 you have no idea... 258 00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:43,783 "Who killed the last Godfather?" 259 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,788 WHO KlLLED THE LAST GODFATHER 260 00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:53,501 Well done, guys! You caught the two bastards! 261 00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:56,212 How many did you bury in concrete this morning? 262 00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:57,380 Four. 263 00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:00,383 Listen asshole, 264 00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:04,220 you've got 30 seconds to tell us who killed Don Calogero 265 00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:05,638 or you're fucked! 266 00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:08,683 - You're dead! - You'll stop breathing! 267 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,394 Of course he'll stop breathing, he'll be dead! 268 00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:15,940 - Hey you, kill him! - Stop! Wait! Hold on a second. 269 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:22,154 It wasn't me, 270 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,950 but I know someone who knows who did it! 271 00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:29,161 He knows. Then tell us! 272 00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:32,039 - Talk! - Tell us everything! 273 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,418 Of course he'll tell us everything, he said he'll talk, asshole! 274 00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:38,546 Come on, tell me who the bastard is! 275 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:42,550 - Him! - Me? 276 00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:46,345 - What are you talking about? Liar! - I'm no liar. I know for sure. 277 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:51,309 He knows who did it. He deserves to die! 278 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,477 Bastard! 279 00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,063 "Who killed the last Godfather?" 280 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:59,108 A ruthless, cruel, inhuman saga! 281 00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:02,945 Talk, you bastard, or you'll be breathing cement! 282 00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:06,282 - Talk, you bastard. - You bastard, talk! 283 00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:10,661 Tell me why you're repeating everything I say, asshole. 284 00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:12,872 And what I say too. Tell him that, will you? 285 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:16,834 Go on! You have 10 seconds... 9, 8, 7... 286 00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:21,672 "Who killed the last Godfather?" A story that knows no mercy. 287 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:22,590 ...2, 1 ... 288 00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,551 Please! Stop. 289 00:22:25,635 --> 00:22:29,180 - I swear to God I'll tell you! - Ah, so you're ready to talk now? 290 00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:33,976 Well then, who is the bastard that killed Don Calogero? 291 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:39,732 - He is! - Me? What are you talking about? 292 00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:43,110 Are you crazy? What are you on? I swear, it's not true. 293 00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,779 I told you. It was him! 294 00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:47,531 He's out of his mind. Look at that glassy stare. 295 00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:50,284 Come on, let me speak! 296 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:54,497 He's a bastard! And you're a bastard! Are you messing with me? 297 00:22:54,581 --> 00:22:57,958 - Are you messing with us? - Hey, are you messing... 298 00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:01,045 "Who killed the last Godfather?" 299 00:23:01,129 --> 00:23:04,131 Find out soon at a theater near you. 300 00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:08,469 COMING SOON 301 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:15,267 Coming soon, 302 00:23:15,435 --> 00:23:19,105 the most thrilling horror film of all times... 303 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,525 THE LAST SAGA OF VAMPIRES, 304 00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:25,611 WEREWOLVES AND OTHER DISGUSTING BEASTS 305 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:34,537 Listen babe, I've got to tell you something. 306 00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:37,748 Tell me, honey. There shouldn't be secrets between us. 307 00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:42,420 I'm not a normal guy. I'm... 308 00:23:43,046 --> 00:23:45,005 - I'm a va... - A valiant lover. 309 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:48,384 I know, last night was unforgettable. You really wore me out! 310 00:23:48,468 --> 00:23:52,471 - No, that's not what I meant. I'm a vam... - A vamp! 311 00:23:53,014 --> 00:23:55,182 All of my friends look at you and say 312 00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,768 you're so handsome, you're such a vamp. 313 00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,895 But I'm not jealous, I know you love me. 314 00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:03,858 No! Try to understand me, look at my teeth. 315 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:08,612 I'm a vamp... A vamp... 316 00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:11,991 - Come on. A vamp... - Vamp, Schmamp. Fuck this! 317 00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:14,201 Why complicate things? "I'm this, I'm that..." 318 00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:17,163 Who the fuck are you anyway? I hate puzzles. 319 00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:42,354 First a vampire, then a werewolf. 320 00:24:42,439 --> 00:24:44,190 Will I ever meet a normal guy? 321 00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:47,109 The hell with you. 322 00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:35,074 ln a world where the sleep of reason increasingly generates monsters, 323 00:25:35,325 --> 00:25:39,620 monsters will finally be right and never sleepy. 324 00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:43,916 "They'll be right and never sleepy?" 325 00:26:18,660 --> 00:26:21,662 Is someone there? 326 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,208 A cat! 327 00:26:45,145 --> 00:26:46,520 Thanks! 328 00:26:56,072 --> 00:26:57,740 Good. 329 00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:26,518 Come here! 330 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:39,490 Where is he? 331 00:27:52,337 --> 00:27:57,007 Three D? Wow, it's a 3D horror film! 332 00:28:02,472 --> 00:28:05,683 Guys, I'm your hairdresser. 333 00:28:05,767 --> 00:28:10,604 Come here so I can cut your hair. 334 00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,149 Hey, where are you going? 335 00:28:14,234 --> 00:28:17,444 Don't run away, I can cut your nails! 336 00:28:17,862 --> 00:28:22,241 TWINIGHT 3D - COMING SOON 337 00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:43,303 Hail! 338 00:28:48,518 --> 00:28:50,185 - General... - Centurion! 339 00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:52,479 Weren't you taught to knock before entering? 340 00:29:05,952 --> 00:29:08,412 - Come in! - General, 341 00:29:08,496 --> 00:29:10,539 Emperor Marcus Aurelius wants to talk to you. 342 00:29:10,623 --> 00:29:14,126 What? And you're wasting time knocking at my curtain? 343 00:29:14,210 --> 00:29:17,379 You ought to be a traffic cop in Carthage, not a centurion. 344 00:29:25,805 --> 00:29:30,142 - Hail, Maximus. - Hail, Cesara. 345 00:29:35,064 --> 00:29:37,399 May you have a safe journey, my General! 346 00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:41,904 Thank you, my loyal Centurion. May the gods one day reunite us! 347 00:30:06,679 --> 00:30:10,098 - Bravo. - How was yourjourney, General? 348 00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:12,142 It was alright. A little tiring! 349 00:30:14,229 --> 00:30:17,439 Tiring? You traveled around the corner on your chariot! 350 00:30:26,741 --> 00:30:28,992 Hail, Emperor! You sent for me? 351 00:30:29,619 --> 00:30:31,787 Hello, Maximus. Come. 352 00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:38,627 Mr. Capitoline, let's continue tomorrow. 353 00:30:39,379 --> 00:30:41,255 Come with me, we have to talk. 354 00:30:41,381 --> 00:30:45,592 Excuse me, Emperor: how long have you been posing for this statue? 355 00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:47,928 - Forty-five years! - Holy shit! 356 00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:50,180 It does look just like you, I must say. 357 00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:57,563 I sent for you because I feel my death is near. 358 00:30:57,647 --> 00:31:01,608 It's very difficult for me to decide 359 00:31:01,693 --> 00:31:05,696 whether to leave my glorious and powerful empire 360 00:31:05,905 --> 00:31:10,659 - to you, Maximus the Eighth... - Tenth. Maximus the Tenth. 361 00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:14,454 - Maximus the Tenth of the North... - South. 362 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:18,417 - Maximus the Tenth of the South. - Maximus whatever-your-name-is, 363 00:31:18,501 --> 00:31:21,628 commander of the army of the... 364 00:31:21,838 --> 00:31:23,964 North. 365 00:31:24,173 --> 00:31:28,510 ...of the North, general of the legions of... 366 00:31:28,845 --> 00:31:32,973 - Felix. - ...Felix, my loyal soldier, 367 00:31:33,057 --> 00:31:37,477 - or leave it to Commodus, my son and... - Hi! 368 00:31:39,814 --> 00:31:43,817 Well... just my son. I'll make this important decision 369 00:31:43,943 --> 00:31:50,032 after well-considered, thought out, careful deliberations. 370 00:31:51,701 --> 00:31:56,413 - Give me a sesterce! - Here it is, Dad. 371 00:31:58,708 --> 00:32:03,003 - Eagle or Coliseum? - I want the eagle! 372 00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:06,423 The eagle's pretty! 373 00:32:07,258 --> 00:32:08,800 I like the eagle! 374 00:32:10,136 --> 00:32:12,387 I like the eagle. 375 00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:17,976 What do you choose? 376 00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:24,524 You said well-considered, thought out, careful deliberations. 377 00:32:24,609 --> 00:32:28,779 This coin has an eagle on one side and the Coliseum on the other. 378 00:32:28,863 --> 00:32:31,907 He chose the eagle... so I'll choose... 379 00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:36,828 - the Coliseum! - What a genius! Well done. 380 00:32:40,917 --> 00:32:42,209 Eagle! 381 00:32:42,293 --> 00:32:46,672 The empire will be mine! It'll be mine! 382 00:32:46,756 --> 00:32:49,466 Dad, the empire's mine! 383 00:32:51,094 --> 00:32:53,303 - Emperor! - My heart! 384 00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:56,682 My son won... My heart... 385 00:32:57,767 --> 00:33:01,770 You are dying, Emperor! A doctor, quick! 386 00:33:01,854 --> 00:33:04,231 Thank you, Maximus the Fourth, the Fifth, of the North... 387 00:33:04,315 --> 00:33:07,567 Emperor, please, you're dying. Try to say it right just this once. 388 00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:09,486 Maximus the Tenth of the South. 389 00:33:09,570 --> 00:33:13,407 I'm sorry, it wasn't deliberate. 390 00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:16,576 May the gods strike me down if I'm lying. 391 00:33:18,204 --> 00:33:20,539 Let me see that coin. 392 00:33:23,584 --> 00:33:26,253 This coin is rigged. There are two eagles. 393 00:33:26,337 --> 00:33:27,504 What are you talking about? 394 00:33:27,588 --> 00:33:30,007 There's no trick and there's no coin. Look. 395 00:33:33,052 --> 00:33:35,929 Guards! Arrest him! Go, go, go! 396 00:33:36,264 --> 00:33:37,723 Here we are. 397 00:33:39,058 --> 00:33:41,810 You are so naïve, Commodus, 398 00:33:41,894 --> 00:33:48,483 my loyal soldiers would never arrest me! 399 00:33:49,235 --> 00:33:52,070 What are you talking about? Of course I'll arrest you. 400 00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:54,239 Commodus gives me sesterces! 401 00:33:54,323 --> 00:33:58,326 I've got a wife and kids, a house to fix and a mortgage to pay! 402 00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:02,456 Guards, take him to the woods and execute him! 403 00:34:03,916 --> 00:34:04,833 Come on! 404 00:34:04,917 --> 00:34:07,836 - You assholes! - Walk! 405 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:11,673 The empire is mine! Doc, is Dad dead? 406 00:34:11,758 --> 00:34:14,968 - Not yet. - How long is this going to take? 407 00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:18,138 Call Michael Jackson's doctor! That should speed up the process. 408 00:34:19,515 --> 00:34:20,891 Dead. 409 00:34:21,309 --> 00:34:24,144 Centurion, I've got blisters on my feet. We've been walking for two hours. 410 00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:26,521 Shut up. 411 00:34:26,606 --> 00:34:29,274 - Where are we taking him? - None of your business! 412 00:34:31,944 --> 00:34:36,782 Here is fine. General Maximus, get on your knees. 413 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,494 I'm a soldier. I want a painless death. 414 00:34:40,578 --> 00:34:43,955 Well, I'm a good centurion. 415 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:48,043 I've never killed anyone by a pain in the ass. 416 00:34:48,127 --> 00:34:52,047 Painless, not pain in the ass! 417 00:34:52,131 --> 00:34:55,383 The General's right. Painless, not pain in the ass. 418 00:34:55,468 --> 00:34:57,552 So how shall we kill him? 419 00:34:57,637 --> 00:34:59,012 We can hang him. 420 00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:01,306 No, too ordinary. No one could lift him anyway. 421 00:35:01,557 --> 00:35:05,018 He's not as thin as he looks, plus he's got that armor. 422 00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:06,603 And I've got a slipped disc. 423 00:35:06,687 --> 00:35:08,438 Let him be quartered by the horses! 424 00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:13,568 We came here on foot, you idiot! There are no horses! 425 00:35:13,653 --> 00:35:15,195 Let's burn him. 426 00:35:15,279 --> 00:35:17,906 No, we'll get a fine for polluting. Something easier. 427 00:35:17,990 --> 00:35:19,825 You're a tough one to please! 428 00:35:19,992 --> 00:35:24,162 I've got an idea... let's impale him. 429 00:35:24,247 --> 00:35:28,416 Centurion, I said a painless death. impalement is a pain in the ass! 430 00:35:28,501 --> 00:35:30,961 I'm sorry, General. I let the situation get out of hand. 431 00:35:31,045 --> 00:35:34,881 Not exactly out of hand! You wanted to get me somewhere else. 432 00:35:35,007 --> 00:35:36,550 Other ideas? 433 00:35:37,093 --> 00:35:38,635 Let's drown him. 434 00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:40,595 No, too boring. Let's stone him to death! 435 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,848 Let's behead him! 436 00:35:42,932 --> 00:35:45,892 - Let's beat him on the head. - I've got it! Let's shoot him! 437 00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:50,355 - See? You are an idiot! - Ok, well... I'm off. Goodbye. 438 00:35:50,439 --> 00:35:52,023 Goodbye. 439 00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,570 Give me that piece of bark! 440 00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:03,451 What do you think? Will he get tetanus from this? 441 00:36:15,131 --> 00:36:17,257 Would you give me a lift? 442 00:36:17,592 --> 00:36:23,430 Excuse me! 443 00:36:28,144 --> 00:36:31,855 Are you going to Rome? 444 00:36:31,939 --> 00:36:36,818 - Yes. I'm going to the slave market. - Oh, great! Would you give me a lift? 445 00:36:36,986 --> 00:36:40,906 Sure! 446 00:36:40,990 --> 00:36:43,867 - Please. - Thank you. 447 00:36:43,951 --> 00:36:50,665 Nice quads! Look at those muscles. 448 00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:52,709 You're very kind. 449 00:36:53,169 --> 00:36:57,505 - This way. - Thank you. 450 00:36:58,132 --> 00:37:00,008 What a kind man! 451 00:37:01,594 --> 00:37:03,845 It's my lucky day! 452 00:37:05,973 --> 00:37:10,477 We're going to make some money today, friends. Let's go! 453 00:37:11,145 --> 00:37:13,021 To the market! 454 00:37:14,190 --> 00:37:17,901 Give me a C, give me an O, 455 00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:21,988 give me an M, give me an M, 456 00:37:22,198 --> 00:37:25,700 give me an O, give me a D, 457 00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:29,579 give me a U and a S... Commodus! 458 00:37:29,664 --> 00:37:31,706 - Gracchus? - Yes, Commodus? 459 00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:34,793 When is it going to start? I'm fed up. 460 00:37:35,086 --> 00:37:37,045 If they don't get started, I'm going to the soccer game. 461 00:37:37,129 --> 00:37:44,094 One captain, there's just one captain! 462 00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:48,598 You are nothing but slaves, 463 00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:53,228 and you are here to kill! 464 00:37:53,312 --> 00:37:58,191 Stick your sword in the flesh of your rival 465 00:37:58,317 --> 00:38:00,193 and the people will love you. 466 00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:06,825 I'm taking notes. Stick your sword in the flesh... 467 00:38:06,909 --> 00:38:11,871 And maybe Emperor Commodus will decide to set you free. 468 00:38:12,206 --> 00:38:13,540 Your swords! 469 00:38:20,089 --> 00:38:22,757 Hey, come on, this is a razor blade! 470 00:38:24,885 --> 00:38:26,511 Your shields! 471 00:38:38,232 --> 00:38:40,984 - lf this is a joke, just say it. - Take your seat! 472 00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:48,408 Your masks! 473 00:38:48,492 --> 00:38:52,037 Hold on! Excuse me. 474 00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:55,290 Excuse me. 475 00:39:07,094 --> 00:39:09,137 What a dickhead! 476 00:39:10,723 --> 00:39:14,976 Slaves, are you ready to die and to fight? 477 00:39:15,061 --> 00:39:17,145 Yes! 478 00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:22,567 How am I supposed to speak with this thing on my face? 479 00:39:41,545 --> 00:39:43,671 Holy cow! 480 00:39:44,090 --> 00:39:46,091 - Gracchus? - Yes, Commodus? 481 00:39:46,175 --> 00:39:47,425 Who are these people? 482 00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:51,388 These gladiators will face the invincible Swiss. 483 00:39:53,307 --> 00:39:55,392 Why is he called the Swiss? 484 00:39:55,476 --> 00:39:58,603 He's like clockwork: he kills one every minute. 485 00:39:58,687 --> 00:40:00,522 If that's the case, he'll nail the second too! 486 00:40:02,608 --> 00:40:06,945 Hail Caesar, those who are about to die salute you! 487 00:40:07,029 --> 00:40:09,280 About to die? That's no good! 488 00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:15,537 What is it? 489 00:40:16,205 --> 00:40:20,291 He's alone and there are seven of us! 490 00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:23,711 We will win for the glory of Rome! 491 00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:31,136 At my signal, unleash hell. Or at least stir up some shit. 492 00:40:31,345 --> 00:40:36,349 One, two, three. Let's go! 493 00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:39,060 Oops, my sandal. 494 00:41:11,927 --> 00:41:14,804 Why all the fuss? Leave it to the hooligans. 495 00:41:14,889 --> 00:41:18,141 I'd like to see you come down to fight this Hercules! 496 00:41:18,225 --> 00:41:20,393 Give me a break! 497 00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:24,647 Please let me out. I double-parked my horse. 498 00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:25,857 They'll deduct points from my driver's license. 499 00:41:25,941 --> 00:41:29,527 Get out there and fight, you coward! There is no other way out. 500 00:41:29,612 --> 00:41:30,695 Are you sure? 501 00:41:31,238 --> 00:41:32,655 Goodbye. 502 00:41:35,826 --> 00:41:40,580 Give me a second. I need to think about my strategy here. This sucks. 503 00:41:40,664 --> 00:41:42,624 Alright already. I'm going. 504 00:42:00,684 --> 00:42:03,019 What's so funny? 505 00:42:03,103 --> 00:42:06,898 After stabbing the flesh of so many opponents, the blade has shrunk. 506 00:42:06,982 --> 00:42:09,484 It's obviously made in Taiwan. 507 00:42:09,735 --> 00:42:12,570 It's not fair. This fight is too uneven. 508 00:43:02,413 --> 00:43:04,539 Swiss, can you do this? 509 00:43:11,630 --> 00:43:13,089 He can. 510 00:43:27,062 --> 00:43:29,647 Maximus, you're the best! 511 00:43:38,949 --> 00:43:41,534 Commodus, how's it going with the vestals? 512 00:43:45,247 --> 00:43:49,375 Maximus, the emperor has granted you your freedom. You're free to go! 513 00:43:49,501 --> 00:43:51,252 Yeah! 514 00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:56,507 - Gracchus? - Yes? 515 00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:57,842 What happened? 516 00:43:57,926 --> 00:44:00,303 Nothing, Emperor. Everything's under control. 517 00:44:00,387 --> 00:44:02,263 Oh, I was starting to worry! 518 00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:05,350 - Who gave that guy his freedom? - I don't know. 519 00:44:08,562 --> 00:44:10,855 Thank you. Thank you. 520 00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:14,942 Maximus, can I have a picture with you? 521 00:44:15,027 --> 00:44:17,153 Sure, just one though, I've got to go home. 522 00:44:20,032 --> 00:44:23,451 Thank you. Long live Rome! 523 00:45:01,573 --> 00:45:04,492 It was a tough battle, but I won. 524 00:45:08,914 --> 00:45:10,998 Thank you, my friends. 525 00:45:13,752 --> 00:45:16,587 - Hi, honey. - Finally! 526 00:45:16,797 --> 00:45:19,841 Kids, quit playing and come here! 527 00:45:19,925 --> 00:45:22,135 Honey, I'm back, rejoice! 528 00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:23,678 Where have you been? 529 00:45:23,762 --> 00:45:27,265 I sent you to get the groceries and you've been away for six years! 530 00:45:27,349 --> 00:45:32,061 Well, I was about to enter the shop when... 531 00:45:33,021 --> 00:45:35,898 Maximus, I'm tired of your excuses! 532 00:45:36,024 --> 00:45:39,694 - You are such a deadbeat! - Me? A deadbeat? 533 00:45:39,778 --> 00:45:43,865 I'm Rome's most valiant soldier! 534 00:45:48,537 --> 00:45:52,123 Your sister, Caligula's wife, is the valiant one. 535 00:45:52,207 --> 00:45:53,374 Excuse me. 536 00:45:54,042 --> 00:45:58,045 People, I'm sorry, we've got some private issues. See you later. 537 00:46:00,174 --> 00:46:01,299 What were you saying, love? 538 00:46:01,383 --> 00:46:05,470 We were stuck here waiting for you while you were playing toy soldiers! 539 00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:07,972 - Did you buy the milk? - Yes I did, 540 00:46:08,056 --> 00:46:10,391 but I drank it all during the Gallic wars. 541 00:46:10,476 --> 00:46:14,479 Come here, kids, give your dad a hug! 542 00:46:14,563 --> 00:46:16,481 Go do your homework, 543 00:46:16,565 --> 00:46:21,360 you don't want to become globe-trotting losers like your father, do you? 544 00:46:21,445 --> 00:46:25,823 Don't just stand there! There are thousands of things to do! 545 00:46:27,284 --> 00:46:31,078 Oh, sweetie. Mommy's right here. 546 00:46:31,163 --> 00:46:34,791 Whose baby is this? I've been away for six years! 547 00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:38,586 - This is your son. - He can't be, come on! 548 00:46:38,670 --> 00:46:42,048 This is your son, his name is Cuckoldius of the South. 549 00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:46,552 Don't try to change the subject! Come with me! 550 00:46:46,637 --> 00:46:48,679 Change the subject? She changed husbands! 551 00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:51,224 - The bathroom needs cleaning. - I'll clean it. 552 00:46:51,308 --> 00:46:53,726 - The baby needs changing. - I'll change him. 553 00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:56,312 - Lunch needs making. - I'll make it. 554 00:46:56,396 --> 00:46:59,273 - The tunics needs mending. - I'll mend them. 555 00:46:59,358 --> 00:47:01,859 - The horse needs shoeing. - I'll shoe him. 556 00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:03,444 There's laundry to do... 557 00:47:07,950 --> 00:47:09,617 Excuse me, Senator Gracchus, 558 00:47:09,701 --> 00:47:12,411 I believe I gave that guy his freedom yesterday. 559 00:47:12,496 --> 00:47:14,455 Yes, but he decided to relinquish it. 560 00:47:14,540 --> 00:47:17,875 He says he'd rather be here than at home with his wife. 561 00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:21,087 Imagine that! You got a cigarette? 562 00:47:21,171 --> 00:47:22,797 No. 563 00:47:41,650 --> 00:47:45,820 After the roaring success of "Who killed the last Godfather?," 564 00:47:45,904 --> 00:47:48,447 cinema's most violent saga is back. 565 00:47:48,532 --> 00:47:53,035 No one messes with Calogero Cariddi's guys, you bastards! 566 00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:56,706 Calogero Cariddi's guys never get messed with. 567 00:47:56,790 --> 00:47:59,292 No one messes with us, capish? 568 00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:05,840 What did we do to deserve such an idiot brother? 569 00:48:05,924 --> 00:48:10,720 Why do you keep repeating what I say, asshole? 570 00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:14,974 "Who killed the very last Godfather?" 571 00:48:15,475 --> 00:48:17,643 Kill them in 10 seconds. 572 00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:21,022 This time we're in deep trouble! 573 00:48:21,106 --> 00:48:24,025 - We need an idea... - ...seven, six... 574 00:48:25,485 --> 00:48:27,737 - I know! - Seriously? 575 00:48:27,821 --> 00:48:29,238 - Yes. - Tell me. 576 00:48:30,032 --> 00:48:34,869 - ...three, two, one... - Stop! 577 00:48:34,953 --> 00:48:37,622 - This time I'll tell you the truth. - Yes, we'll tell you. 578 00:48:38,457 --> 00:48:42,251 We're not Don Calogero's killers! 579 00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:47,757 All right. Tell me, if you weren't the bastard, then who was? 580 00:48:47,841 --> 00:48:50,885 - On three. - One, two, three. 581 00:48:50,969 --> 00:48:52,470 It was him! 582 00:48:53,805 --> 00:48:55,890 - Him? - Him? 583 00:48:56,016 --> 00:48:58,809 - Him? - Yes, it was him! 584 00:48:58,936 --> 00:49:01,479 Not only are you an asshole, you're a traitor too! 585 00:49:01,563 --> 00:49:03,731 No, I didn't do it! 586 00:49:03,815 --> 00:49:06,776 "Who killed the very last Godfather?" 587 00:49:10,072 --> 00:49:13,532 "I've got a brilliant idea..." Right! 588 00:49:13,742 --> 00:49:15,826 There used to be two of us, now there are three! 589 00:49:15,911 --> 00:49:21,374 I thought we could blame him, and they'd set us free, 590 00:49:21,458 --> 00:49:22,792 like in the previous trailer! 591 00:49:22,876 --> 00:49:25,711 He thought he could blame me to be set free. 592 00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:28,714 Listen to him! Now you're repeating after us too? 593 00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:31,717 You really are an asshole. Your brother's right! 594 00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:35,012 - I told you he was an asshole. - That's enough! He keeps repeating! 595 00:49:35,097 --> 00:49:37,598 - He's a repeater! - I like repeating. 596 00:49:37,683 --> 00:49:41,978 A never-ending saga, where the surprises just keep coming. 597 00:49:42,270 --> 00:49:44,814 "Who killed the very last Godfather?" 598 00:49:44,898 --> 00:49:47,191 The asshole. 599 00:49:49,569 --> 00:49:51,779 COMING SOON 600 00:49:53,323 --> 00:49:55,783 The mother of all challenges. 601 00:49:55,909 --> 00:49:59,620 Two men who built their reputations on speed 602 00:49:59,997 --> 00:50:04,333 are facing off in the most thrilling street race of the century. 603 00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:09,505 - Who's going to win the race tonight? - You, Blondie! 604 00:50:10,882 --> 00:50:15,553 - Who's going to win the race tonight? - You, Brownie! 605 00:50:15,637 --> 00:50:19,265 Just a second. Waiter, a short espresso, please. 606 00:50:20,934 --> 00:50:24,729 He's trying to amaze us with his special effects. 607 00:50:24,813 --> 00:50:26,439 Look at me, Blondie. 608 00:50:27,357 --> 00:50:30,818 Waiter, a seafood smoothie, please. 609 00:50:33,321 --> 00:50:36,657 ls that all? Hey Brownie, check out this brunette! 610 00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:48,627 - Voilà. - What are you covering her up for? 611 00:50:48,712 --> 00:50:52,798 Blondie, check out this litter of blondes. 612 00:50:57,179 --> 00:51:01,474 Who'll win the challenge of the century? Blondie or Brownie? 613 00:51:05,395 --> 00:51:08,856 I'm going to win this race, 614 00:51:09,024 --> 00:51:12,693 everybody's cheering for me! 615 00:51:12,944 --> 00:51:16,489 I'm going to win this race, 616 00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:20,159 and leave you in the dust. 617 00:51:20,243 --> 00:51:24,538 No, no, no, you won't: 618 00:51:24,748 --> 00:51:28,334 you'll eat my dust. 619 00:51:28,418 --> 00:51:32,129 No, no, no, you won't: 620 00:51:32,297 --> 00:51:35,674 you can suck on my exhaust pipe. 621 00:51:36,176 --> 00:51:39,303 It's so nice to sing songs in movies, 622 00:51:39,387 --> 00:51:42,098 even though no one knows why. 623 00:51:43,809 --> 00:51:47,144 Suddenly everyone starts singing. (Why?) 624 00:51:47,771 --> 00:51:51,690 Then everyone starts dancing too. (Why?) 625 00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:55,694 Most of the time, the songs are really crappy. 626 00:51:56,988 --> 00:51:59,156 Really crappy. 627 00:52:03,912 --> 00:52:05,955 The mother of all challenges 628 00:52:06,206 --> 00:52:09,834 is about to begin at a theater near you. 629 00:52:10,335 --> 00:52:13,546 - Fifty bucks on Blondie! - One hundred on Brownie! 630 00:52:13,630 --> 00:52:18,509 Right hand for Blondie, left hand for Brownie! 631 00:52:18,593 --> 00:52:19,718 Next, please! 632 00:52:19,803 --> 00:52:23,764 Place your bets on the world's best race! 633 00:52:24,850 --> 00:52:27,685 Place your bets! Final bets! 634 00:52:28,603 --> 00:52:30,604 On your marks... 635 00:52:36,236 --> 00:52:37,987 Engines! 636 00:52:44,911 --> 00:52:46,871 Hey, it won't start! 637 00:53:05,265 --> 00:53:08,184 Guys, I'm sure this has happened to you before. 638 00:53:08,476 --> 00:53:12,271 You get in the car, turn the key, and the car won't start! 639 00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:14,773 Does anyone have jumper cables by any chance? 640 00:53:14,900 --> 00:53:18,319 You clown! 641 00:53:18,486 --> 00:53:22,114 - Give us our money back! - Hey, what's all the fuss about? 642 00:53:22,199 --> 00:53:26,285 Blondie's right. lt's just some minor ignition trouble. 643 00:53:26,703 --> 00:53:29,079 If no one has cables, we could use 8 strong arms: 644 00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:32,666 4 on either car. One big push, and we're off. 645 00:53:32,876 --> 00:53:36,712 Arms?! Start this lemon! You guys are pathetic! 646 00:53:43,178 --> 00:53:45,638 - That's just not right! - Just a moment. 647 00:53:45,722 --> 00:53:49,725 Calm down, everything is fine. 648 00:53:49,809 --> 00:53:52,603 - What do you mean? - Do you have the money? 649 00:53:52,687 --> 00:53:54,521 - Right here. - Perfect. 650 00:53:54,606 --> 00:53:57,441 - Act casual. - Easy for you to say! 651 00:53:57,901 --> 00:54:00,361 Blondie? What are we going to do? 652 00:54:00,528 --> 00:54:03,614 - Run! - Yes, let's run fast! 653 00:54:03,782 --> 00:54:06,242 very fast! These guys are furious! 654 00:54:07,327 --> 00:54:09,995 - Let's go! - Here they come! 655 00:54:11,331 --> 00:54:13,999 "Run fast, they're furious!" 656 00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:16,627 In your car or on foot, race to a movie theater near you. 657 00:54:16,711 --> 00:54:19,713 "Run fast, they're furious!" 658 00:54:21,508 --> 00:54:23,592 COMING SOON 659 00:54:31,851 --> 00:54:36,563 Ouch! My back! The pain! 660 00:54:38,483 --> 00:54:42,486 "Old Old Seventy - Backbreaker". 661 00:54:42,570 --> 00:54:44,280 Come, James. 662 00:54:46,491 --> 00:54:50,869 Not only is this a back brace, 663 00:54:51,496 --> 00:54:55,207 it doubles as a sophisticated parachute. 664 00:54:55,292 --> 00:54:56,667 - A parachute? - A parachute. 665 00:54:56,751 --> 00:54:58,294 - ls it new? - Brand new! 666 00:54:58,378 --> 00:55:00,963 It's been used 3 times and has never opened once. 667 00:55:01,047 --> 00:55:02,881 Old Old Seventy, 668 00:55:02,966 --> 00:55:06,677 the world's oldest secret agent is not ready to retire. 669 00:55:06,761 --> 00:55:09,221 (Uomo) Questi non sono occhiali da vista. 670 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:12,266 - These are not glasses. - They're not glasses. 671 00:55:12,350 --> 00:55:15,769 It's a still camera and infrared video camera all in one. 672 00:55:18,606 --> 00:55:20,107 Old Old Seventy, 673 00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,609 battles arthritis, Alzheimer's, and a heart bypass 674 00:55:22,694 --> 00:55:24,611 as he prepares for his latest mission. 675 00:55:24,696 --> 00:55:28,407 - These aren't dentures. - They're not dentures. 676 00:55:28,491 --> 00:55:34,538 No. lt's a bomb with a built-in timer. 677 00:55:35,749 --> 00:55:39,293 It will explode after 5 seconds. 678 00:55:42,922 --> 00:55:44,631 Old Old Seventy 679 00:55:44,716 --> 00:55:46,175 faces a new adventure 680 00:55:46,259 --> 00:55:50,012 armed with the most amazing secret weapons for the incontinent. 681 00:55:50,138 --> 00:55:52,681 This is an incontinence pad. 682 00:55:52,766 --> 00:55:56,185 - Which is not an incontinence pad. - No, this is an actual incontinence pad. 683 00:55:56,269 --> 00:56:00,564 At your age, it can happen while on a secret mission! 684 00:56:00,648 --> 00:56:04,526 - It won't happen! - It can, it will. Go on and change. 685 00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:08,822 Is everything alright, Agent? 686 00:56:10,825 --> 00:56:14,495 James, are you finding these new secret weapons comfortable? 687 00:56:17,499 --> 00:56:19,583 He's not as strong as he used to be. 688 00:56:19,667 --> 00:56:23,837 Careful, it's dangerous there! The stairs! 689 00:56:28,093 --> 00:56:30,594 I knew it! I knew it! 690 00:56:35,725 --> 00:56:39,728 The secret agent most loved by audiences 691 00:56:39,854 --> 00:56:42,272 is back in movie theaters and hospices near you 692 00:56:44,442 --> 00:56:49,738 in "Old Old Seventy - The Hospice can wait". 693 00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:53,450 COMING SOON 694 00:56:55,703 --> 00:57:00,207 To defend their country, a group of heroes 695 00:57:00,291 --> 00:57:04,795 fought a hidden war in the abysses of the sea: 696 00:57:05,672 --> 00:57:08,090 "The Silent War". 697 00:57:08,758 --> 00:57:11,343 Thousands of feet beneath the ocean's waves, 698 00:57:11,511 --> 00:57:17,766 even the smallest sound could mean the end of their existence... 699 00:57:18,309 --> 00:57:20,769 You were right, Sir. A German boat is approaching. 700 00:57:20,854 --> 00:57:22,312 It's almost above us. 701 00:57:22,814 --> 00:57:27,943 Gentlemen, avoid making any sound from now on. 702 00:57:31,531 --> 00:57:33,782 Shit happens. 703 00:57:49,799 --> 00:58:00,350 Descend 200 meters. Idle speed. 704 00:58:01,144 --> 00:58:02,895 But I'm the cook! 705 00:58:03,313 --> 00:58:05,606 - But he's the cook! - But he's the cook! 706 00:58:05,690 --> 00:58:08,275 - But he's the cook! - I don't care! 707 00:58:08,651 --> 00:58:11,778 - Shut up or they'll hear us. - Sir, listen. 708 00:58:13,198 --> 00:58:15,574 Fuck! 709 00:58:27,045 --> 00:58:29,963 Enough! No doubt about it, they're German. 710 00:58:31,049 --> 00:58:33,091 We must shoot, it's within range. 711 00:58:33,426 --> 00:58:36,303 Prepare launch tubes one and two! 712 00:58:36,387 --> 00:58:38,972 Sir, may I remind you that we have no torpedoes left. 713 00:58:39,057 --> 00:58:40,557 What are you talking about? 714 00:58:40,642 --> 00:58:42,643 We used all of them on New Years Eve! 715 00:58:42,727 --> 00:58:46,563 lt's true! What a party that was! 716 00:58:51,653 --> 00:58:52,903 Quiet! 717 00:58:53,321 --> 00:58:56,323 The Germans are passing over us. 718 00:59:00,328 --> 00:59:01,703 They're here! 719 00:59:32,735 --> 00:59:36,697 We're in the clear. No problem, they didn't hear us. 720 00:59:37,115 --> 00:59:39,283 - What? - Captain, he can't breathe. 721 00:59:51,462 --> 00:59:58,927 Give me something to catch my fall or I'll make noise. 722 01:00:00,179 --> 01:00:03,515 No, something else. 723 01:00:07,186 --> 01:00:09,980 A cushion! 724 01:00:34,464 --> 01:00:36,089 Torpedo! 9 o'clock! 725 01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:43,263 I can't breathe! I can't breathe! 726 01:00:44,223 --> 01:00:46,725 Gentlemen, please be careful! 727 01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:49,186 And you! Sneezing like a sea lion! 728 01:00:49,270 --> 01:00:52,606 The Germans can hear us! Move over. Turn on the radio. 729 01:00:52,982 --> 01:00:54,941 Let's see if they heard us. 730 01:00:57,028 --> 01:01:01,281 Just few seconds to the end of the World Football Championship match 731 01:01:01,366 --> 01:01:02,824 between Italy and Germany. 732 01:01:02,909 --> 01:01:05,327 - The finals are tonight! - The finals! 733 01:01:05,411 --> 01:01:06,995 The score is still 0-0. 734 01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:10,999 Colaussi on the left passes it center field to Silvio Piola. 735 01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:14,961 He enters the penalty zone, dodges a defender, and another. 736 01:01:15,046 --> 01:01:17,339 He lures the goalkeeper out of his net, kicks the ball... Goal! 737 01:01:17,423 --> 01:01:22,344 Goaaal! 738 01:01:23,846 --> 01:01:26,515 Italy! Italy! 739 01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:31,770 Captain, we've been hit! 740 01:01:31,854 --> 01:01:35,190 Who cares! We're the World Champions! 741 01:01:35,900 --> 01:01:41,154 Italy! Italy! 742 01:01:47,370 --> 01:01:49,413 "The Silent War." 743 01:01:49,497 --> 01:01:51,957 Coming soon. 744 01:01:53,918 --> 01:01:56,002 COMING SOON 745 01:02:04,345 --> 01:02:07,681 Montero's men! 746 01:02:07,765 --> 01:02:10,350 Dad, dad! Montero's men are coming. 747 01:02:10,435 --> 01:02:11,309 - No! - Yes! 748 01:02:11,394 --> 01:02:13,353 Get inside, Carmencita! 749 01:02:16,357 --> 01:02:20,193 That sucks! I should have run away when I was a little girl! 750 01:02:21,821 --> 01:02:24,406 - Peace to you, Buendia. - Peace to you. 751 01:02:24,490 --> 01:02:27,617 You know, your face speaks much more than a thousand words. 752 01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:31,329 Do you want to know what your face is telling me? 753 01:02:31,414 --> 01:02:34,207 - Yes, sir, I want to know. - He wants to know? 754 01:02:34,292 --> 01:02:36,042 My father is such a loser. 755 01:02:36,127 --> 01:02:38,211 Shut up! What do mean you want to know? 756 01:02:38,296 --> 01:02:40,255 You know they're going to beat you up. 757 01:02:40,339 --> 01:02:43,592 It tells me you're still unable to repay your debt. 758 01:02:43,676 --> 01:02:47,179 What do you say, Buendia? Is your face telling the truth? 759 01:02:47,513 --> 01:02:49,973 Yes, sir, it's telling the truth. 760 01:02:50,057 --> 01:02:53,185 - You do know the law, Buendia, right? - Yes, I do. 761 01:02:53,269 --> 01:02:54,561 Prepare him for a lashing! 762 01:02:57,231 --> 01:03:00,317 Daddy... Dad... 763 01:03:01,569 --> 01:03:03,653 Mom?! 764 01:03:16,959 --> 01:03:19,294 Beer, orange soda, popcorn! 765 01:03:19,378 --> 01:03:21,713 One small popcorn for me! How much is it? 766 01:03:21,798 --> 01:03:24,466 - Ten euros. - Ten euros? 767 01:03:24,842 --> 01:03:28,470 That's more than at the movies! Cabron! 768 01:03:29,055 --> 01:03:31,139 - May I sit? - Go ahead. 769 01:03:31,557 --> 01:03:33,558 Scoot over. 770 01:03:35,311 --> 01:03:41,399 Oh Lord, please, send Zorro to help my stupid father. 771 01:03:48,741 --> 01:03:54,371 After wearing this mask all day, my conjunctivitis is killing me. 772 01:03:56,499 --> 01:03:58,834 Ah, that's better. 773 01:03:59,502 --> 01:04:01,628 Let's get to work. 774 01:04:01,712 --> 01:04:05,257 - Giddy up! - lt's him! Yes, it's him! 775 01:04:07,093 --> 01:04:10,178 Hello cowards and bad guys in uniforms! 776 01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:11,847 I'm Don Diego de la vega, also known as... 777 01:04:11,931 --> 01:04:13,431 Who?! 778 01:04:13,516 --> 01:04:16,726 As I was saying: I am Don Diego de la vega. 779 01:04:16,811 --> 01:04:18,186 Diego de la vegan? 780 01:04:18,271 --> 01:04:21,648 - Vegan? - What are you, deaf? 781 01:04:21,732 --> 01:04:24,776 - He said Megan, Megan! - He said Vegan! 782 01:04:24,861 --> 01:04:28,071 No, he said Pegan with a P, like Pancho! 783 01:04:28,155 --> 01:04:31,741 Are we finished yet? Please, Miss, do something! 784 01:04:31,826 --> 01:04:36,663 OtheRWise I'll go somewhere else to save some other poor fellow. 785 01:04:36,747 --> 01:04:38,373 These people can't even say my name! 786 01:04:38,541 --> 01:04:42,085 They call me Vegan, Megan, Pegan! Can we end this charade? 787 01:04:42,169 --> 01:04:45,046 That's enough! Who cares what his name is?! 788 01:04:45,131 --> 01:04:49,009 The only thing that counts is that... he is zorro! 789 01:04:49,093 --> 01:04:52,470 - Long live Zorro! - Finally! 790 01:04:52,555 --> 01:04:56,099 Thanks, babe. You could be my babe in arms. 791 01:04:56,642 --> 01:04:59,936 I'm here to defend these people from the rulers' oppression! 792 01:05:02,565 --> 01:05:06,860 Forro? With an "F?" Didn't you say it was zorro with a "Z?" 793 01:05:06,944 --> 01:05:09,362 I know, I was supposed to write a "Z." 794 01:05:09,447 --> 01:05:14,743 I have to have my sword sharpened, don't be such a stickler! 795 01:05:14,827 --> 01:05:18,121 I've got the cape, the mask, the hat... Isn't it obvious that I'm Zorro? 796 01:05:19,165 --> 01:05:24,044 Coming soon to a theater near you, "zorro, the masked hero." 797 01:05:24,128 --> 01:05:25,921 Get out of here, you impostor! 798 01:05:26,005 --> 01:05:28,048 We'll see who the impostor is! 799 01:05:28,674 --> 01:05:32,802 Ouch, my ankle! I sprained my ankle! 800 01:05:32,887 --> 01:05:34,137 Oh my God, 801 01:05:34,221 --> 01:05:37,724 he's got more injuries than a rugby player! 802 01:05:39,185 --> 01:05:43,605 Coming soon to a theater near you, "Limp! The limping avenger." 803 01:05:45,149 --> 01:05:48,860 Jesus, I can barely stand! 804 01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:57,661 - Long live Xorro, with an "X!" - Long live Xorro! 805 01:06:00,539 --> 01:06:04,292 - Long live Morro, with an "M!" - Long live Morro! 806 01:06:09,924 --> 01:06:12,968 - Long live Borro, with a "B!" - Long live Borro! 807 01:06:13,052 --> 01:06:17,931 I knew it. I can't jump off my horse in these boots! The heels are too high! 808 01:06:18,015 --> 01:06:22,018 "Wear high heels, they'll make you look slimmer." 809 01:06:22,103 --> 01:06:23,436 What a load of crap! 810 01:06:23,521 --> 01:06:26,648 They want me to look sharp and I twist my ankle. 811 01:06:26,732 --> 01:06:30,819 I thought Zorro was dashing and virile... 812 01:06:30,903 --> 01:06:33,947 - What a lame hero we've got. - Please, Miss, 813 01:06:34,115 --> 01:06:37,325 I'm fighting for your family. 814 01:06:37,410 --> 01:06:39,869 If I'd known how you feel, I wouldn't have come at all, ok? 815 01:06:39,954 --> 01:06:42,163 You guys are still here? 816 01:06:42,248 --> 01:06:45,125 Why is everyone picking on me today? 817 01:06:45,251 --> 01:06:47,127 Limp is a two-bit hero! 818 01:06:47,211 --> 01:06:52,257 What idiots! You help them and they complain! 819 01:06:52,341 --> 01:06:56,845 I'm quitting this zorro gig and signing up for "Sex and the city"! 820 01:06:56,929 --> 01:06:58,638 Who gives a damn! 821 01:06:59,932 --> 01:07:02,642 "Limp, the limping avenger." 822 01:07:02,727 --> 01:07:04,853 Coming soon. 823 01:07:05,938 --> 01:07:08,106 COMING SOON 824 01:07:10,026 --> 01:07:13,028 In the year 2096 A.D., 825 01:07:13,112 --> 01:07:18,074 humanity was heading toward a sad and inexorable sunset. 826 01:07:18,659 --> 01:07:22,162 Words like passion, desire, and sex 827 01:07:22,288 --> 01:07:24,789 could no longer be found in any dictionary. 828 01:07:25,374 --> 01:07:27,709 But, in a distant galaxy, 829 01:07:27,793 --> 01:07:31,671 there was a planet inhabited by men beyond the frontiers of virility. 830 01:07:32,256 --> 01:07:35,008 This planet was called... 831 01:07:35,134 --> 01:07:36,760 Hardonia. 832 01:07:43,726 --> 01:07:46,770 The secret behind that fiery passion 833 01:07:46,979 --> 01:07:51,608 was safeguarded in their fertile soil and the fruits that sprouted from it. 834 01:07:52,068 --> 01:07:58,615 From that soil, a rare species thrived abundantly... Viagrus Fuckensis. 835 01:08:01,243 --> 01:08:03,411 Oh, there it is! 836 01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:07,082 Pick this one, look how big it is. 837 01:08:12,421 --> 01:08:19,219 Bunga! Bunga! Bunga! Bunga! Yeah! Yeah! 838 01:08:21,388 --> 01:08:23,932 Coming soon to a theater near you... 839 01:08:27,144 --> 01:08:28,937 "Viagratar." 840 01:08:38,030 --> 01:08:40,615 How much time do you need to complete the training? 841 01:08:40,699 --> 01:08:43,910 Unfortunately the soldier we had selected for Viagratar training 842 01:08:43,994 --> 01:08:45,537 died in a mission on Earth. 843 01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:50,917 What a pity! I knew him well: he was 6-feet tall, sturdy, athletic. 844 01:08:51,043 --> 01:08:54,504 They sent his cousin as a replacement. They had the same DNA. 845 01:08:54,588 --> 01:09:00,510 Well, if they sent his cousin, he must have a sturdy build, too. 846 01:09:00,594 --> 01:09:03,555 - Mutation complete. - He's ready, commander. 847 01:09:20,447 --> 01:09:22,949 My God, it was so cold in there! 848 01:09:23,033 --> 01:09:25,493 There may have been budget cuts in the special effects department, 849 01:09:25,578 --> 01:09:28,872 but they didn't have to use a freezer as a transformation chamber. 850 01:09:28,956 --> 01:09:30,206 Just a second. 851 01:09:31,458 --> 01:09:33,376 Does this midget look like a Viagratar to you? 852 01:09:33,460 --> 01:09:35,879 He should have been turned away by recruiting! 853 01:09:36,463 --> 01:09:38,923 Alone on an unknown planet, 854 01:09:39,008 --> 01:09:42,552 our hero, Viagratar, begins his mission. 855 01:09:42,636 --> 01:09:47,265 Ehi, non ti avevo mai visto prima da queste parti, ragazzino. 856 01:09:47,349 --> 01:09:50,602 Kid? Listen beanpole, I'm 40 years old. 857 01:09:50,686 --> 01:09:53,771 Besides, the best wine is kept in the smallest barrels. 858 01:09:54,899 --> 01:10:00,403 You're funny! you look more like a smurf than a soldier. 859 01:10:00,487 --> 01:10:03,907 Can we stay away from the insults and racism, please? 860 01:10:04,033 --> 01:10:07,035 What's 2 inches anyway? 861 01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:15,835 Take this. Taste it. 862 01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:17,879 I want to know what kind of person you are. 863 01:10:18,839 --> 01:10:25,136 This sacred plant's fruits can only be eaten here, they can't be taken away. 864 01:10:25,221 --> 01:10:32,518 Princess Ma'va, this reminds me of medication we have on Earth that... 865 01:10:41,654 --> 01:10:44,489 - Princess... - Yes? 866 01:10:44,573 --> 01:10:48,034 Have you ever seen my butterfly collection? 867 01:10:52,831 --> 01:10:57,418 Will our hero manage to accomplish his mission 868 01:10:57,503 --> 01:11:00,129 by stealing a sample of Viagrus Fuckensis? 869 01:11:07,721 --> 01:11:09,389 Thief, thief! 870 01:11:09,473 --> 01:11:12,684 Get a load of her! First she sleeps with me, then she spies on me! 871 01:11:12,768 --> 01:11:14,269 Get him! 872 01:11:15,521 --> 01:11:18,773 - Help! - Give us back our plant! 873 01:11:21,277 --> 01:11:23,444 Where do you think you're going? 874 01:11:23,529 --> 01:11:24,904 Phew, finally! 875 01:11:24,989 --> 01:11:27,657 DINOSAUR TAXI 876 01:11:28,701 --> 01:11:31,744 - Dinosaur taxi! - Here I am! 877 01:11:35,207 --> 01:11:37,375 Quick! Fly me out of here! 878 01:11:37,459 --> 01:11:40,044 50 for a regular flight, 100 for a panoramic flight. 879 01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:42,380 Your rates are out of this world! 880 01:11:42,464 --> 01:11:46,342 Cost of living shot up since the Pand-euro came into effect. 881 01:11:46,593 --> 01:11:48,678 I'm turning on the meter! 882 01:11:50,097 --> 01:11:52,807 - Give us back our Viagrus! - Jerk! 883 01:11:52,891 --> 01:11:54,642 Up yours! 884 01:11:54,893 --> 01:12:00,398 When science fiction meets eroticism, the result can only be... 885 01:12:01,025 --> 01:12:04,485 "Viagratar!" Coming soon to a theater near you 886 01:12:04,570 --> 01:12:06,112 Read information leaflet carefully. 887 01:12:06,196 --> 01:12:09,907 Can I get a blank receipt? 888 01:12:09,992 --> 01:12:14,078 Inflating my expense report is the only way I can make ends meet. 889 01:12:14,163 --> 01:12:15,830 Thank you so much. 890 01:12:23,547 --> 01:12:26,674 On a quiet and wintry January morning, 891 01:12:27,134 --> 01:12:31,596 the school bells at Sequells Castle were about to start pealing again. 892 01:12:31,764 --> 01:12:34,140 It was the beginning of a new semester 893 01:12:34,224 --> 01:12:40,396 and of the 50th film in this series starring... Erry Potshotter! 894 01:12:40,481 --> 01:12:43,024 ERRY POTSHOTTER AND THE AGE OF RETIREMENT 895 01:12:45,944 --> 01:12:48,863 Ronzzz, this is the fourth pair of glasses I get this year, 896 01:12:48,989 --> 01:12:51,783 I can barely see anymore. And look at this belly! 897 01:12:51,867 --> 01:12:54,243 At 50, my metabolism isn't what it used to be. 898 01:12:54,328 --> 01:12:55,912 Tell me about it, Erry. 899 01:12:56,246 --> 01:12:59,332 I look like I've had a watermelon transplant! 900 01:13:00,125 --> 01:13:02,251 And my grey hair! 901 01:13:02,336 --> 01:13:04,337 We're not as young as we used to be! 902 01:13:04,421 --> 01:13:10,259 But they keep pushing one or two movies on us every year! 903 01:13:10,344 --> 01:13:12,720 Not to brag, but 15 years ago, 904 01:13:12,805 --> 01:13:15,765 in "Erry Potshotter and the Crimson Python," 905 01:13:15,849 --> 01:13:19,936 I had six-pack abs! 906 01:13:20,020 --> 01:13:24,565 ln "Erry Potshotter and the Possessed Opossum," 907 01:13:24,650 --> 01:13:28,986 I was so skinny, I had to stay home if it was too windy out! 908 01:13:29,822 --> 01:13:33,533 Why are you still in your room? There's a test in magic class today! 909 01:13:33,784 --> 01:13:35,660 - Hi, Hernione. - We're coming. 910 01:13:35,744 --> 01:13:39,288 We're coming. 911 01:13:39,706 --> 01:13:42,417 We're coming... We're coming... 912 01:13:42,501 --> 01:13:43,751 Guys! We've been hanging out for over 20 years, 913 01:13:43,836 --> 01:13:45,503 aren't you fed up of seeing me? 914 01:13:45,587 --> 01:13:49,507 Sorry, Hernione! We've been trapped here for 40 years, 915 01:13:49,591 --> 01:13:51,467 forced to observe mandatory abstinence! 916 01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:54,679 They won't even let us pay to bring escorts here. 917 01:13:55,013 --> 01:13:57,849 In my next life, I'm coming back as Prime Minister of Italy. 918 01:14:00,561 --> 01:14:01,853 She's leaving... 919 01:14:02,271 --> 01:14:03,604 - She's leaving... - Where is she going? 920 01:14:04,648 --> 01:14:08,359 - Erry! - That was my magic wand. 921 01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:13,656 Apply the formulas you learned last year 922 01:14:13,782 --> 01:14:19,328 to solve the equation used to transform a frog into Prince Charming. 923 01:14:19,413 --> 01:14:22,248 You will have two hours to complete this test. 924 01:14:22,791 --> 01:14:24,250 Are you ready? 925 01:14:25,377 --> 01:14:26,627 Go! 926 01:14:29,590 --> 01:14:33,885 How on earth can a toad like you be transformed into Prince Charming? 927 01:14:33,969 --> 01:14:36,387 With Prince Charles, they were only half successful: 928 01:14:36,472 --> 01:14:39,056 half-man, half-horse! 929 01:14:40,392 --> 01:14:43,394 Silence! Potshotter! Always taking pot shots! 930 01:14:50,027 --> 01:14:53,779 Supercalifragilistic... No, too old, it'll never work! 931 01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:57,366 Salagadula... This is even worse! 932 01:14:58,202 --> 01:15:01,704 - Can I copy off you? - Quit trying to cheat! 933 01:15:03,457 --> 01:15:07,585 I'll give you two packs of Transformer cards! 934 01:15:07,669 --> 01:15:10,004 - No! - Five Ben 10 action figures! 935 01:15:10,088 --> 01:15:11,464 I said no! 936 01:15:11,548 --> 01:15:15,718 My entire collection of Playboy Bunnies posters! 937 01:15:15,886 --> 01:15:19,388 Prof. Stirring, Potshotter is trying to copy off me. 938 01:15:19,473 --> 01:15:21,807 He keeps offering bribes in exchange for my answers! 939 01:15:21,892 --> 01:15:23,684 That's not true. I didn't say anything. 940 01:15:23,769 --> 01:15:25,603 You can leave now, Potshotter. 941 01:15:25,687 --> 01:15:30,191 Your test is over. You've earned yourself a big, fat zero! 942 01:15:30,275 --> 01:15:33,611 if you keep this up, you'll never leave Sequells Castle. 943 01:15:33,695 --> 01:15:36,155 Hey, black acne! 944 01:15:39,284 --> 01:15:40,785 - Do you forgive me now? - No! 945 01:15:40,869 --> 01:15:42,286 Thank you. 946 01:15:42,663 --> 01:15:44,497 Zickety zackety zu... 947 01:15:44,581 --> 01:15:48,000 From frog to prince for you! 948 01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:49,752 I am Prince Charming! 949 01:15:49,920 --> 01:15:53,339 Yeah, and I'm Snow White. Say hi to your six brothers for me. 950 01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:06,185 Tobias... 951 01:16:07,187 --> 01:16:07,979 Six. 952 01:16:10,274 --> 01:16:11,315 Rufus... 953 01:16:12,276 --> 01:16:13,943 Seven. 954 01:16:15,612 --> 01:16:17,655 Priscilla... Eight! 955 01:16:20,200 --> 01:16:23,369 - Ronzzz... - Hey! 956 01:16:23,453 --> 01:16:26,205 - Ronzzz! - Hey, wake up! 957 01:16:26,665 --> 01:16:27,957 Half. 958 01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,960 - Not even a one? - No 959 01:16:31,920 --> 01:16:33,379 Hernione... 960 01:16:36,592 --> 01:16:40,094 - Two. - All I ever get is two! 961 01:16:40,178 --> 01:16:42,471 Because those two are all I see, even at night. 962 01:16:45,559 --> 01:16:49,270 Erry Potshotter... Zero! 963 01:16:50,272 --> 01:16:51,188 Quiet, please. 964 01:16:51,273 --> 01:16:53,524 What has gotten into you, young man? 965 01:16:53,609 --> 01:16:55,484 Don't you have an ounce of self-respect? 966 01:16:55,611 --> 01:16:58,195 Your graduation is 25 years overdue. 967 01:16:58,280 --> 01:17:01,198 Do you want to spend the rest of your life at Sequells Castle? 968 01:17:01,283 --> 01:17:03,951 If you keep failing me, I'll have no choice, will I? 969 01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:08,080 If you tell me where I can get the forms, I'll apply for retirement! 970 01:17:10,042 --> 01:17:12,835 As this school's oldest pupil once did. 971 01:17:12,919 --> 01:17:15,296 - No! Do not pronounce that name! - What was his name? 972 01:17:15,380 --> 01:17:17,465 Don't pronounce it! lt's a jinx! 973 01:17:17,549 --> 01:17:19,508 - Voldamorgue. - No! 974 01:17:32,272 --> 01:17:33,981 Damn you and all your ancestors! Oh, that hurts! 975 01:17:35,150 --> 01:17:37,777 - You said it was a jinx! - Don't say his name! 976 01:17:37,861 --> 01:17:39,862 - But I only said it once. - Fuck you! 977 01:17:39,946 --> 01:17:44,742 - Who? Me? - I'll show you! 978 01:17:47,746 --> 01:17:52,333 Hernione, I don't know how to say this, 979 01:17:53,085 --> 01:18:00,007 but there's something inside me growing bigger for you by the moment! 980 01:18:00,092 --> 01:18:03,177 Yes, I can feel it, Ronzzz. I can definitely feel it! 981 01:18:03,595 --> 01:18:07,098 Don't misunderstand me, Hernione! I was referring to my love for you! 982 01:18:07,557 --> 01:18:10,601 I understand, Ronzzz, but you know we can't. 983 01:18:10,686 --> 01:18:14,271 The strict rules at Sequells Castle won't allow it! 984 01:18:14,356 --> 01:18:16,023 Please explain. 985 01:18:16,483 --> 01:18:18,192 We can't fuck! 986 01:18:18,276 --> 01:18:21,737 Our contract says we're still supposed to be kids, you dolt. 987 01:18:24,741 --> 01:18:27,243 - Who is it? - It's Erry, open up! 988 01:18:27,786 --> 01:18:30,830 Erry Openup? I don't know an Erry Openup. 989 01:18:31,248 --> 01:18:32,873 The older they get, the dumber they become! 990 01:18:32,958 --> 01:18:36,752 lt's Erry Potshotter, open up, as in the verb "to open!" 991 01:18:36,837 --> 01:18:38,713 Why now? 992 01:18:38,797 --> 01:18:40,923 I'll open up in a second, Erry, sorry! 993 01:18:41,007 --> 01:18:43,718 Erry Sorry? But I'm Erry Potshotter. 994 01:18:43,802 --> 01:18:46,762 Quick, get in the closet. 995 01:18:49,182 --> 01:18:53,394 Out the window! I don't want Erry to find you here. 996 01:18:53,478 --> 01:18:54,645 Hurry up! 997 01:18:56,982 --> 01:18:59,400 re you crazy?! it's a 100-foot drop! 998 01:18:59,484 --> 01:19:02,361 Well? We're wizards, aren't we? Go on, you coward! 999 01:19:04,823 --> 01:19:07,992 Oh God... What was that spell to turn someone into a bird? 1000 01:19:08,994 --> 01:19:10,327 Hernione! 1001 01:19:11,371 --> 01:19:12,830 Hi, Erry! 1002 01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:15,583 Oh, right! 1003 01:19:17,544 --> 01:19:19,503 Feathers fowl are! 1004 01:19:23,216 --> 01:19:26,886 A little late, you little bugger! 1005 01:19:27,888 --> 01:19:31,515 - Erry! - Hernione! 1006 01:19:33,185 --> 01:19:34,935 I wanted to tell you that... 1007 01:19:35,228 --> 01:19:40,691 There's something great inside me and it keeps growing for you... 1008 01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:43,944 You too? lt's your heart, right? it beats for me! 1009 01:19:44,112 --> 01:19:47,990 Well, yes. There are two great things inside me that grow for you. 1010 01:19:48,116 --> 01:19:52,077 Two? your heart and your thoughts, I'm always in your thoughts! 1011 01:19:52,162 --> 01:19:55,915 Three then! Three great things inside me are growing for you! 1012 01:19:56,124 --> 01:19:58,793 Erry, I get it. This isn't a Disney movie! 1013 01:19:58,877 --> 01:20:02,379 Wait, I've been in abstinence for 40 years, Hernione. 1014 01:20:06,134 --> 01:20:07,802 Opus incertum! 1015 01:20:09,262 --> 01:20:11,472 No! Not the stone hands! 1016 01:20:11,556 --> 01:20:15,184 You were caught fornicating 1017 01:20:15,268 --> 01:20:18,020 with a classmate from your course-ourse-ourse 1018 01:20:18,104 --> 01:20:20,022 and this is the punishment you deserve! 1019 01:20:20,106 --> 01:20:23,818 Wizard Husheldore, this is a wizardry school, not a monastery! 1020 01:20:23,902 --> 01:20:26,403 We're not kids anymore! Hormones have their rights too. 1021 01:20:26,488 --> 01:20:27,905 Hush! 1022 01:20:29,366 --> 01:20:31,534 Now I know why they call him Husheldore. 1023 01:20:31,743 --> 01:20:34,829 Well, I've overstayed my welcome, I'll retire to my room. 1024 01:20:36,873 --> 01:20:38,165 Goodbye! 1025 01:20:38,250 --> 01:20:40,626 - Aren't you going to shake my hand? - Never. 1026 01:20:40,710 --> 01:20:43,212 Just one question: 1027 01:20:43,380 --> 01:20:46,715 why didn't you perform this magic trick on that ex-student of yours? 1028 01:20:46,800 --> 01:20:49,093 - Do not pronounce that name! - What was his name? 1029 01:20:49,177 --> 01:20:53,055 - Don't pronounce it! lt's a jinx! - Voldamorgue. 1030 01:20:56,309 --> 01:20:59,812 Fuck you and that name! 1031 01:20:59,980 --> 01:21:02,857 He did say it was a jinx. 1032 01:21:02,941 --> 01:21:05,109 Would you like an Advil, Wizard? 1033 01:21:05,193 --> 01:21:06,443 Up yours! 1034 01:21:07,696 --> 01:21:12,992 The next morning was insidiously ominous with evil surprises. 1035 01:21:20,041 --> 01:21:24,461 If you are door-to-door salesmen, leave or I'll kick your ass. 1036 01:21:28,341 --> 01:21:31,343 I'm Frodolo. I come from Middle Earth. 1037 01:21:33,930 --> 01:21:36,557 Nice to meet you! So you're the young Lord of the Rings? 1038 01:21:36,641 --> 01:21:39,935 Yes, every time they want to convince me to make another sequel, 1039 01:21:40,020 --> 01:21:41,353 they give me a ring. 1040 01:21:41,438 --> 01:21:43,689 You should see how many I have on my toes. Do you want to see? 1041 01:21:43,773 --> 01:21:46,150 No, thanks. Oh goodness! 1042 01:21:46,860 --> 01:21:50,195 I've seen some ugly dogs in my life. But this one... What breed is it? 1043 01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:53,991 This is my secretary, meet Goal-lum. 1044 01:21:54,200 --> 01:21:56,702 Despite his appearance, we are good friends. 1045 01:21:57,203 --> 01:22:00,581 I'm his preciousss friend! 1046 01:22:02,792 --> 01:22:04,376 Down! Down! 1047 01:22:05,045 --> 01:22:08,005 - Welcome to Sequells Castle. - Go ahead. 1048 01:22:20,894 --> 01:22:26,523 Love, sun, sky, sea... 1049 01:22:33,073 --> 01:22:35,908 Ronzzz, Erry! Look who's here! 1050 01:22:35,992 --> 01:22:39,370 Meet Frodolo, the Young Lord of the Rings, from Middle Earth! 1051 01:22:39,454 --> 01:22:42,331 - Fuck me! - What are you doing in my castle? 1052 01:22:42,415 --> 01:22:46,460 I don't know. I think I got the wrong sequel! 1053 01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:50,756 What an ugly beast! Where did you get it, Chernobyl? 1054 01:22:58,223 --> 01:23:00,099 Serves you right for treating beasts that way. 1055 01:23:00,183 --> 01:23:02,059 Are you calling me a beast? 1056 01:23:03,853 --> 01:23:07,898 Suddenly, everyone at Sequells Castle only had eyes for the new stranger, 1057 01:23:07,983 --> 01:23:11,944 which, to Erry, was a real pain in the a... 1058 01:23:12,404 --> 01:23:14,113 ...in the neck! 1059 01:23:14,197 --> 01:23:20,494 Lord Mordor gave 19 rings to us, the inhabitants of Middle Earth, 1060 01:23:20,578 --> 01:23:23,497 but we soon found out that he had deceived us! 1061 01:23:23,581 --> 01:23:27,084 The ring he had made for himself could control all the others. 1062 01:23:27,168 --> 01:23:29,086 The One Ring! 1063 01:23:30,171 --> 01:23:34,258 But one of our ancestors got back at the dark lord: 1064 01:23:34,342 --> 01:23:38,554 he cut off his finger to get the ring! 1065 01:23:38,638 --> 01:23:41,306 What are you talking about? 1066 01:23:41,391 --> 01:23:43,350 What a moving story! 1067 01:23:43,435 --> 01:23:46,854 My heart races as I listen to that story! 1068 01:23:46,938 --> 01:23:50,566 What's so moving about it? lt doesn't hold water. 1069 01:23:50,650 --> 01:23:55,279 The dark lord, the One Ring... This is total bullshit! 1070 01:23:55,363 --> 01:24:01,910 We may have lost the last fight, but my duty was to save the ring. 1071 01:24:02,120 --> 01:24:04,204 Look. 1072 01:24:05,081 --> 01:24:06,665 That's disgusting! 1073 01:24:07,375 --> 01:24:12,254 Oops, sorry, that was the finger of the dark lord I was talking about. 1074 01:24:12,630 --> 01:24:14,256 Here it is. 1075 01:24:17,594 --> 01:24:20,971 This piece ofjunk is the magic ring? Oh, please! 1076 01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,807 What are you insinuating, Potshotter? 1077 01:24:24,184 --> 01:24:28,353 My magic wand is worth a thousand of those scrap pieces of copper! 1078 01:24:28,438 --> 01:24:33,150 Are you challenging me? 1079 01:24:33,234 --> 01:24:35,944 Please don't challenge him to a flying broom match. 1080 01:24:36,029 --> 01:24:40,324 - I hate that game. - I challenge you to a flying broom match. 1081 01:24:40,408 --> 01:24:42,409 There you go! How boring! 1082 01:24:42,494 --> 01:24:49,333 Duel! Duel! Duel! 1083 01:24:49,459 --> 01:24:53,462 Quiet! There are people sleeping! 1084 01:25:02,138 --> 01:25:05,057 Hello-lo-lo-lo... 1085 01:25:08,478 --> 01:25:15,275 Welcome to the great challenge of the flying brooms! 1086 01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:20,948 - Wizard Husheldore... - What do you want? 1087 01:25:21,032 --> 01:25:22,950 All our flying brooms are in the shop. 1088 01:25:23,034 --> 01:25:26,036 And the gas was too expensive. All we have is regular brooms. 1089 01:25:26,121 --> 01:25:27,371 Again, huh? 1090 01:25:28,248 --> 01:25:35,504 Welcome to the great challenge of the regular brooms-ooms-ooms... 1091 01:25:36,714 --> 01:25:39,383 If they keep up the budget cuts, 1092 01:25:39,467 --> 01:25:44,054 the next film will feature a poker challenge! 1093 01:25:45,098 --> 01:25:47,724 Let the challenge begin! 1094 01:25:59,904 --> 01:26:03,448 Dear spectators, this challenge will begin in a few minutes. 1095 01:26:03,533 --> 01:26:06,577 On one side, we have Erry Potshotter and his friend Ronzzz... 1096 01:26:06,661 --> 01:26:11,373 Thank goodness we're not flying. At my age, I'm afraid of heights. 1097 01:26:11,457 --> 01:26:13,584 We could have taken the vacuum cleaners. 1098 01:26:13,668 --> 01:26:17,588 ...and on the other, the "Strangers:" Frodolo and Goal-lum. 1099 01:26:17,672 --> 01:26:20,132 - I don't see any banners. - No. 1100 01:26:20,592 --> 01:26:24,845 Erry! Erry! Frodolo! Frodolo! 1101 01:26:27,098 --> 01:26:28,891 I want all of you to be on the ball! 1102 01:26:40,528 --> 01:26:42,738 FRODOLO: 0 - POTSHOTTER: 1 1103 01:27:10,767 --> 01:27:13,101 That goal is not valid! 1104 01:27:15,855 --> 01:27:17,856 You've got to dribble it first. You can't do that. 1105 01:27:17,941 --> 01:27:23,278 If the referee blows his whistle, the ball is still in play. 1106 01:27:45,677 --> 01:27:47,302 Don't fight! 1107 01:28:03,403 --> 01:28:06,321 Save it! 1108 01:28:10,034 --> 01:28:12,995 - Yes, Wizard Husheldore. - What do you want? 1109 01:28:13,079 --> 01:28:16,581 - You called me over! - No, I was shooing a fly. 1110 01:28:22,380 --> 01:28:25,382 But, Referee, he faked that fall! 1111 01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:27,092 They're just kids. 1112 01:28:27,260 --> 01:28:29,344 Referee! Time out! 1113 01:28:29,429 --> 01:28:32,055 It's just us two. How will we form our barrier? 1114 01:28:32,140 --> 01:28:34,433 Don't worry, I've got one! 1115 01:28:37,312 --> 01:28:39,563 Great, Erry! 1116 01:28:39,689 --> 01:28:42,149 Potshotter's movies are full of dirty tricks. 1117 01:28:42,233 --> 01:28:46,320 - Should I bite them? - No, I'll volley it over their heads. 1118 01:28:46,487 --> 01:28:49,448 Please, Mario, jump. 1119 01:28:59,834 --> 01:29:03,670 Good job, Mario! No one can beat your headers! 1120 01:29:03,796 --> 01:29:08,508 There's only one minute left and our teams are tied. 8 goals each. 1121 01:29:08,593 --> 01:29:11,136 As you can see this is anyone's match! 1122 01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,764 I'm the President of the Inter team. I'm rooting for the ring guy 1123 01:29:13,848 --> 01:29:16,391 because he's a foreigner! I'm not big on ltalians. 1124 01:29:16,476 --> 01:29:20,771 Hopefully Erry Potshotter won't pull one of his tricks and ruin my fun again. 1125 01:29:21,481 --> 01:29:24,107 - There's not a dog's chance you'll win! - Me? A dog's chance?! 1126 01:29:25,860 --> 01:29:27,778 Penalty! 1127 01:29:27,862 --> 01:29:29,029 - It's a penalty! - No, it wasn't! 1128 01:29:29,113 --> 01:29:31,615 - It's a penalty! - It definitely wasn't! 1129 01:29:32,825 --> 01:29:34,868 - What was it? - A penalty. 1130 01:29:34,952 --> 01:29:36,578 That's what I've been trying to tell you! 1131 01:29:36,662 --> 01:29:41,041 Penalty kick! The referee grants a penalty kick to Potshotter's team! 1132 01:29:41,125 --> 01:29:42,709 That wasn't a penalty, come on. 1133 01:29:42,794 --> 01:29:46,171 I knew Potshotter would pull some trick. I think he's a Juventus player! 1134 01:29:46,255 --> 01:29:47,798 Of course it wasn't a penalty. 1135 01:29:47,882 --> 01:29:53,387 It was a penalty. There's no doubt about it! A penalty, for sure! 1136 01:29:53,471 --> 01:29:56,723 May my hair go red if it wasn't a penalty! 1137 01:29:57,517 --> 01:30:00,477 How can I take my penalty kick with these brooms in the way? 1138 01:30:00,686 --> 01:30:02,437 Erry, magic trick #4! 1139 01:30:02,522 --> 01:30:05,148 Go, Potshotter! Score a goal! 1140 01:30:07,485 --> 01:30:10,362 Go! 1141 01:30:10,738 --> 01:30:13,115 Well done, Erry! 1142 01:30:13,741 --> 01:30:17,744 Hey, he moved the goal! 1143 01:30:17,829 --> 01:30:18,995 That was easy! 1144 01:30:19,080 --> 01:30:22,457 Goodbye, I'm going shopping for a new coach. 1145 01:30:22,542 --> 01:30:24,668 You should, President. 1146 01:30:28,172 --> 01:30:34,302 Erry is the Champion of Sequells! Champion of Sequells! 1147 01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:42,310 The winner of the match is Erry Potshotter's team! 1148 01:30:42,728 --> 01:30:46,440 No other surname has ever been as appr... appr... approprrr... 1149 01:30:46,524 --> 01:30:48,108 As appropriate! 1150 01:30:48,192 --> 01:30:50,819 No other surname has ever been... what she said. 1151 01:30:50,987 --> 01:30:53,905 Frodolo's team loses the ring. 1152 01:30:53,990 --> 01:30:56,324 What are you doing? Are you keeping the ring? 1153 01:30:56,409 --> 01:30:59,911 Sure, so if they want to shoot another sequel to "The Young Lord of the Rings", 1154 01:30:59,996 --> 01:31:02,372 they'll have to cast me in one of the leading roles! 1155 01:31:03,207 --> 01:31:06,168 You know, I look just like the wizards in those movies anyway. 1156 01:31:06,252 --> 01:31:12,090 I'm smart, very smart-art-art... Excuse me. 1157 01:31:15,511 --> 01:31:18,263 Dammit, I must get my ring back! 1158 01:31:18,347 --> 01:31:20,348 That ring is mine, I have to get it back. 1159 01:31:20,433 --> 01:31:22,851 Too bad my lawyer was busy today. 1160 01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:31,526 Frodolo sneaks into Wizard Husheldore's office to retrieve his ring. 1161 01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:36,031 There's my ring! 1162 01:31:36,115 --> 01:31:39,993 - Ah, there's my ring! - Your ring?! Give it back! 1163 01:31:40,077 --> 01:31:42,829 No, I won it fair and square in the regular broom match! 1164 01:31:42,914 --> 01:31:45,040 The match?! You mean that farce? 1165 01:31:49,962 --> 01:31:52,964 I'm desperate! I don't know what to do. 1166 01:31:53,132 --> 01:31:55,884 Production sent me another letter this morning, 1167 01:31:55,968 --> 01:32:00,847 saying our audience has caught on to the real ages of our protagonists 1168 01:32:00,932 --> 01:32:02,974 and they're threatening to stop going to movie theaters. 1169 01:32:03,059 --> 01:32:06,770 This puts the release of "Erry Potshotter and the Magic Cucumber" 1170 01:32:06,854 --> 01:32:09,064 at grave risk-isk-isk! 1171 01:32:09,148 --> 01:32:10,941 venerable Wizard, I don't understand. 1172 01:32:11,025 --> 01:32:14,069 We're doing well at the box office, things have always gone smoothly. 1173 01:32:14,153 --> 01:32:15,529 I don't see why. 1174 01:32:15,613 --> 01:32:19,282 Because they've grown up! Get it? I'm gonna kill this woman. 1175 01:32:19,367 --> 01:32:22,911 They're grown-ups! Adults! 1176 01:32:22,995 --> 01:32:26,540 Have you seen the tits on Hernione? 1177 01:32:26,624 --> 01:32:30,877 Even for a man my age, I'll be 260 years old in April, 1178 01:32:30,962 --> 01:32:34,381 they're hard to miss. 1179 01:32:34,465 --> 01:32:37,634 - We've noticed. - Is it that obvious? 1180 01:32:37,718 --> 01:32:39,469 - What do you think? - Refrain from commenting. 1181 01:32:39,554 --> 01:32:42,681 - I apologize. - And Erry? 1182 01:32:42,765 --> 01:32:48,562 I've lost count of all the times we've flunked him just to keep him here, 1183 01:32:49,146 --> 01:32:50,981 but he must be in his 50s by now! 1184 01:32:51,065 --> 01:32:54,025 They want to copulate. Do you know what "copulate" means? 1185 01:32:54,110 --> 01:32:56,987 - No. - Oh. You don't know. 1186 01:32:57,238 --> 01:32:58,738 Of course you know. 1187 01:32:58,823 --> 01:33:01,908 They want to copulate. They want to have families and grow up! 1188 01:33:01,993 --> 01:33:05,370 But that would mean the end of Sequells Castle. 1189 01:33:05,454 --> 01:33:08,748 Without them, we'll be forced to pose for pictures with tourists, 1190 01:33:08,833 --> 01:33:12,210 if we're lucky-ucky-ucky. 1191 01:33:12,753 --> 01:33:14,629 - That would be so boring. - Oring-oring. 1192 01:33:14,714 --> 01:33:16,006 - Well? - Sorry. 1193 01:33:16,090 --> 01:33:19,551 So, venerable Wizard, what can we do to save this place? 1194 01:33:19,844 --> 01:33:21,678 There's only one thing left to do. 1195 01:33:21,762 --> 01:33:26,766 It pains me to do this. Lord knows how much I love those kids, but... 1196 01:33:28,769 --> 01:33:33,982 we have to make them young again with some of our black magic! 1197 01:33:34,108 --> 01:33:37,902 - But black magic is forbidden! - I know, but what choice do I have?! 1198 01:33:38,613 --> 01:33:42,073 E va bene, piccoli. Quanto piccoli? 1199 01:33:42,158 --> 01:33:43,283 - Well... okay. How young? - I don't know! 1200 01:33:43,367 --> 01:33:45,452 At least back to how old they were in 1201 01:33:45,536 --> 01:33:48,121 "Erry Potshotter and the Magic Nursery School!" 1202 01:33:48,914 --> 01:33:53,418 Do you know that this will give us another 30 years of success? 1203 01:33:53,502 --> 01:33:54,544 Get outta here! 1204 01:33:55,129 --> 01:33:59,633 If we don't do this, we'll be released straight-to-video 1205 01:33:59,717 --> 01:34:03,511 without even making it to the theaters-aters-aters! 1206 01:34:03,596 --> 01:34:05,221 I'm outta here. 1207 01:34:05,848 --> 01:34:11,978 Frodolo stoically put aside his rivalry and treated Erry as a friend. 1208 01:34:12,063 --> 01:34:15,940 You're up shit creek now. I already have a contract for 4 more sequels, 1209 01:34:16,525 --> 01:34:19,569 but if you give me back the ring, I can get you out of here. 1210 01:34:20,321 --> 01:34:22,280 The ring? Alright! 1211 01:34:22,365 --> 01:34:25,241 Here's the ring, but let me tell you something: 1212 01:34:25,326 --> 01:34:28,828 - Frodolo, you truly are a little shitolo. - Little shitolo?! 1213 01:34:28,913 --> 01:34:32,374 The two boys forged a strong friendship. 1214 01:34:32,917 --> 01:34:36,503 You've got to believe me. They want to turn us into kids again. 1215 01:34:36,587 --> 01:34:38,421 That's impossible! 1216 01:34:38,506 --> 01:34:40,882 But it's true! We heard it with our own ears! 1217 01:34:40,966 --> 01:34:43,927 - And what ears! - lf you don't do something right now, 1218 01:34:44,011 --> 01:34:46,513 they'll use their magic to make you young again 1219 01:34:46,597 --> 01:34:50,475 and you'll be left to rot in this place with the stuffed owls! 1220 01:34:50,685 --> 01:34:52,143 Shit! 1221 01:34:52,228 --> 01:34:54,562 The first man that gets me out of here can sleep with me! 1222 01:34:56,107 --> 01:34:59,984 If we're going to escape, we'll need a magic trick that can change the plot. 1223 01:35:00,069 --> 01:35:04,823 Impossible. No one can do that, my preciousss. 1224 01:35:04,907 --> 01:35:07,033 You're wrong, Goal-lum. 1225 01:35:07,118 --> 01:35:09,744 Erry, we can do it. 1226 01:35:10,329 --> 01:35:13,081 Yes, we can! 1227 01:35:13,165 --> 01:35:16,292 With this wand and this ring... 1228 01:35:17,336 --> 01:35:19,504 You asshole! You stole it from me again! 1229 01:35:19,588 --> 01:35:24,259 I will perform a 3D magic trick with these two gadgets. 1230 01:35:28,305 --> 01:35:32,642 I will create a magnetic field. Look, the scene change is taking place. 1231 01:35:32,810 --> 01:35:37,814 At the end of the movie, an escape route will materialize! 1232 01:35:37,898 --> 01:35:42,402 - Huddle together. - Together! Together! 1233 01:35:42,486 --> 01:35:49,367 Ibra... Alex... Krasic... Eto'o! 1234 01:35:57,126 --> 01:36:00,044 Hey guys, the magic spell worked! 1235 01:36:01,964 --> 01:36:03,465 But where are we now? 1236 01:36:03,549 --> 01:36:08,052 What the fuck are you kids doing here all dressed up for Halloween? 1237 01:36:08,637 --> 01:36:12,390 And above all... who the fuck are you? 1238 01:36:14,351 --> 01:36:15,977 They're the traitors. 1239 01:36:16,187 --> 01:36:20,106 Yeah, they're the ones who killed the last Godfather! 1240 01:36:20,191 --> 01:36:22,776 We did what? We killed who?! 1241 01:36:28,073 --> 01:36:31,576 How the fuck did we all end up here? 1242 01:36:31,660 --> 01:36:35,371 This is your episode! If you don't know, who does? 1243 01:36:36,582 --> 01:36:38,625 He's right, we should know. It's our episode. 1244 01:36:38,709 --> 01:36:39,959 May I? 1245 01:36:40,961 --> 01:36:44,214 What are doing, you asshole? Repeating our lines, too? 1246 01:36:44,298 --> 01:36:45,799 Yes, he's an asshole! 1247 01:36:45,883 --> 01:36:47,926 Asshole, asshole! 1248 01:36:54,725 --> 01:37:01,648 - Sorry, do you know why we're here? - Of course I know. 1249 01:37:01,732 --> 01:37:04,984 I wrote the script, starred and directed this film: 1250 01:37:05,069 --> 01:37:07,737 this is the grand finale. 1251 01:37:10,950 --> 01:37:15,703 ÇíÒæ, íÌÈ Çä äÐåÈ íÌÈ ÚáíäÇ Çä äÎÊã åÐÇ ÇáÝáã! 1252 01:37:15,788 --> 01:37:18,289 - ÌíäÇ áæáæÈÑÇÌíÏÇ! - ÌíäÇ! 1253 01:37:18,374 --> 01:37:21,251 - ÃÚÐÑäí. - ÃåáÇ ÌíäÇ! 1254 01:37:34,932 --> 01:37:36,724 ÇíÒæ, ÇíÒæ! 1255 01:37:37,268 --> 01:37:40,186 - ÔßÑÇ ÌíäÇ - ÔßÑÇ ÇíÒíæ 1256 01:37:40,312 --> 01:37:42,021 ÊÚíÔ ÌíäÇ áæáæÈÑÇÌíÏÇ 1257 01:37:42,690 --> 01:37:44,899 - ÊÚíÔ ÃÝáÇã ÇáÓíäãÇ! - ÊÚíÔ! 1258 01:38:14,722 --> 01:38:17,891 ØÇáãÇ Çäå íæÌÏ ÃÝáÇã ÓíäãÇ ÓíæÌÏ áåÇ ãÍÇßÇÉ ÓÇÎÑÉ 1259 01:38:18,017 --> 01:38:20,101 æÇáÖÍß áä... 1260 01:38:20,185 --> 01:38:24,355 ÇáäåÇíå ... Úáì ÇáÃÞá ÍÊì ÇáÂä! 1261 01:38:25,355 --> 01:42:00,000 äåÇíÉ ÓÚíÏÉ æÃÊãäì Ãä Êßæä ÇáÊÑÌãÉ ÞÏ äÇáÊ ÃÚÌÇÈßã ÞÇã ÈÊÑÌãÉ åÐÇ ÇáÝáã ÇáÚÞÑÈ ÇáÇÓæÏ